He is mine, isn't he?
by Aiah
Summary: Torn between her duty as Kelly Severide's wife and her love towards the mysterious, bullheaded soldier Jay Halstead, Erin's life was one huge mess. But what happens when her marriage falls apart and her knight in camouflage uniform disappears living her with a big surprise? She hasn't seen him in 4 years and now he is back, but what does that mean for her and her secret? OneChicago
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, guys first of all i suck at summary, second this is my very first fan fiction so be patient with me, third English is not my first language so if there are mistakes in the grammar i do apologize i'm doing my best lol.**

 **Now about the story, it is an AU, it will include the whole Chicago family with a little twist, Erin and Jay are the main characters of course, i've had this idea in my head for about 5 years and i've started and re-written it more than three times trying to make it perfect. The story will jump from present day to the past and back to present trying to show how Erin got herself in the place where she is now. Erin is 29 year old, police detective in Chicago, she works for Intelligence Unit with her adoptive father Hank Voight.**

 **I really hope you like my story, enjoy reading and if you feel like it leave a comment.**

 **I do not own Chicago PD, nor the characters.**

* * *

 **Present Day**

Eight o'clock on a Friday night, most of the people my age were either getting ready for a party or were already drunk, but that wasn't me, or at least not anymore.  
My eight o'clock activities were consisting of bath, brushing teeth, pj's and one very energized four year old boy.  
\- JJ stop running around the house naked! - I yelled getting up from the bathroom floor, grabbing the towel and trying to catch the running boy but he wiggled himself out of my reach and run down the hallway laughing which made me shake my head. It took me a bit to catch him, get him dressed and put in bed.  
\- Mommy tell me the story - he begged, while hugging his stuffed black dragon and getting comfy in his .  
\- And witch story is that? - I asked in response although i new exactly what story he wanted me to tel him, a story he has heard a million times.  
\- The story about the knight who stole the princess's heart - i smiled lightly and pulled the blanket closer to his chest, turned of the light leaving the starry sky night light on and laid next to him pulling him close to my chest.  
\- Okey, so once upon a time there was a young prince, he fell in love with a beautiful princess and she loved him back. On a worm summer day the prince married the princess and they moved to his castle. But the prince wasn't who the princess thought he was, the nice and sweet man she thought she married vanished, instead the prince turned into selfish and distant man, he was spending less and less time with the princes, putting his responsibilities, his castle, his friends over the her.  
\- Which made the princess very sad and lonely - JJ said looking at me, i kissed his forehead and nodded  
\- Yes baby, the princess was sad and lonely, she walked the castle grounds by herself over and over, hoping that the prince will come looking for her.  
\- But the knight found her first - it was funny how good he knew the story himself, but still wanted me to tell it to him. I started playing with his dark hair and continued with the story  
\- One night while the princess was on her night stroll in the gardens, she was startled by a noise 'Who is there?' asked the princess, while her heart was beating faster then usual. Her surprise only grew when she saw the young and handsome man who walked up from behind a tall bush. His hair was dark, just like his stubble but his eyes were what had made her heart skip a beat. They were like emeralds, so bright and mesmerizing, he was dressed in black pants, a long black coat and riding boots.  
'My apologies my lady didn't mean to startle you' - his husky voice broke the silence, he took a step forward and offered the princess a beautiful white flower  
\- A Jasmine for you may lady - JJ's very quiet and sleepy voice filled the room. I kissed his head, in moment's like this he remained me so much of his father, they were so alike that it was starling, especially since they've never seen each other. Of course his dad's voice was deeper, but the way JJ's face was shaped, his freckle covered nose, the dark hair and those emerald green eyes, that had the ability to change shades the kid was copy of his dad. I pushed those thoughts away i didn't need to remember him right now, took a deep breath and turned back to the story.  
\- The young man was the prince's most dependable knight, she has seen him before around the castle, but they have never spoken before. The knight escorted the princess back to her room and wished her sweet dreams. When the next night came the princess and the knight met again on the same spot in the rose garden, but instead of a blood red rose the knight gave her another white jasmine flower and offered to walk her to her room again. They stared meeting on the same spot every night and with time they got close friends. The knight showed the princess the beauty of the castle and she showed him grace and kindness. The kind knight and the lonely princess fell in love and they decided to run away together but the young prince found out about their plans and send the knight to war. The knight was able to hide the princess far away from the castle and the princess promised to wait for him till her last breath. - I finished the story and looked down to my sons beautiful covered with freckles sleeping face and smiled. Then kissed his head and quietly left his room. I closed the door and paused letting a heavy sigh to escape my lips, without realizing that i was being watched.  
\- Are you okey? - Hank's deep raspy voice startled me, i looked behind me to find the man who was more father to me than my biological one leaning on the wall next to the top of the staircase with crossed arms and concerned look in his eyes.  
\- Yes, just tired. - i responded stepping closer to him, he kissed my forehead and squeezed my forearm before letting me go I was just about to close my bedroom door behind me when his voice stopped me  
\- Erin... you know that one day he will realize that this is not just a bedtime story? - he asked with the same concerned look on his face  
\- I do - i said and closed the door rubbing my face, trying to get the image of the father of my son out of my mind. The last time i saw him was the night my four year old son was conceived, no one knew who he was and planed on keeping the secret till my last breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN/ Gosh thank you all for reading my story, i can't believe that it got such a respond i'm in a awe. Thank you, thank you, thank you!**

 **As much as this chapter goes it will be focused on the background of Erin, where she came from and how she got involved with the Voight's. It's different from the series for sure but i like this idea a lot more (maybe because that's inspired by my personal life experience)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **PS i do not own the Chicago franchise nor the characters.**

* * *

 **Amsterdam 1995**

It was a bright summer day, the weather outside was great and i was planning on going for a walk, one of the greatest things the life in Amsterdam offered was the freedom of being able to go out alone. Although i was only seven years old i spend more time walking around town than home, but if you knew my parents it was understandable.

\- Erin Elisabeth Lindsay get back here now! - my mother Barbara Fletcher was very cold woman, depending on who you ask. If you asked my little brother Teddy, Bunny was an amazing and caring mom, but for me that was never the case. Don't think that i have a grudge against my mother, to have a grudge i need to spend time with her and that never happens, no it's just the way she acted towards me, but Bunny definitely knew how to present herself in the society. For everybody we were example for exceptional family, devoted parents, properly raised children, money, luxury, vacations, private schools, well everything is not what it seems.

It was one of those days in which i was being blamed for something my little bother did and as always my mother wasn't listening to reason and my dad Hendrik was nowhere to be found, not that he would do anything to safe me, he preferred to hide in his work, over dealing with his wife, i don't blame him she was insane.

\- Are you listening to me you are not going anywhere! - Bunny's angry voice could be heard from the driveway but i wasn't paying much attention, she didn't even realize that i was already out of the house.

While she was screaming i had the time to grab my notebook and pencil box and sneak out of the house and were halfway to the gates that were leading to my favorite spot in the Beatrix park. The park itself was big and my spot was hidden and quiet not that anyone was going to look for me, but there was something calming about knowing you can't be found. There was a small lake in the area with big tree right next to it, and some of the branches were over the water. I climbed on one of those branches and made myself comfortable, i opened the notebook on my knees and started drawing. I lost track of time, i also didn't realize that some of my classmates somehow had found me. But it didn't matter it wasn't like i had a chance to escape then and there was no where for me to go. I heard the jokes and laughter, they started throwing things at me, few of them started shaking the branch i was on. I tried to grab something to hold on but to no use, i lost my balance and fell in the pond under me, soaking myself and losing my notebook and pencils.

\- Haha, don't you take a shower at home? Do you need us to bring you some soap?- one of the kids was saying when i got my head on the water surface, the rest of the kids where laughing and trowing more insults. This wasn't the first time i was object of mockery, i was different and my classmates couldn't except it. I had money, i wasn't a social butterfly, i didn't care about make up and getting dressed up which made my classmates very jealous of me and very cruel.

\- Hey you idiots! What's your problem? - a boy stared yelling at them from behind me, i tried to see who it was but something hit my head and everything went blurry which resulted in me losing my balance and falling into the water again. Yes the water wasn't too deep, it was enough to get to my midsection when i was standing upright, but it was enough to drown if you can't regain your balance.

\- What the hell are you trying to do, kill her? - there was the angry boy again yelling at my classmates or at least i thought is what i thought was happening at this point i wasn't sure about anything. My clothes were soaked wet, my head was hurting like crazy and i' was pretty sure i was bleeding. I felt the darkness, surrounding me and i was pretty sure someone was trying to pulling me out of the water, but i have no clue who it was. I felt cold and i could swear i could hear my teeth chatter, someone was telling me to open my eyes and stay awake but it felt like mission impossible. I felt the ground underneath me and then i believe i passed out.

The next thing i know was an annoying beeping noise, at first it sounded so far away and then it started getting closer and clearer. I tried to move but felt like i was hit with a tank and someone was holding my right arm, while the left one was stretched and i was pretty sure i could feel the needle in it.

\- I need help in here! Someone call the doctor she is waking up!- doctor? Who needed a doctor? What was going on? And who the hell was talking, the sound was coming from next to me but i could swear i haven't heard that voice before.

I heard footsteps and then something extremely bright flashed over my eyelids

\- Miss can you hear me? - new voice said, this time it was way more deeper, older i would guess the doctor.

\- My name is dr. Adrianus van Alter, you are in a hospital can you open your eyes for me? - hospital, what? I was so confused, the last thing i remember was me leaving my house this morning and going to the park, how did i ended up in a hospital?

\- It's okey, you're safe - i heard the younger voice again, there was something else to that voice, something i didn't notice before - an accent. That's so wired, i don't remember meeting anyone with accent like that. Maybe it was another doctor, maybe it was a nurse, i tried to open my eyes, maybe if i see the face that the voice belonged to, everything would make sense. I opened my eyes but quickly closed them there were to many lights, it was actually painful, i pout my left arm in front of my eyes as much as i can, confirming my suspicions that i had needle in it and opened my eyes again finding the doc looking at me.

\- Can you tell me your name? - the guy in green scrubs and white lab coat asked,he was in his late forties maybe, dark hair that was becoming gray in spots i got distracted studying him, so he repeated the question

\- Erin... Erin Lindsay - i answered stuttering for a moment

\- Good, do you know what day is it? - he continued asking questions and moving his hand trying to make sure everything with me was okey

\- Friday? ... June 15? - it came more like a question then an answer but the doc nodded and moved the light in frond of my eyes again.

\- What is the last thing you remember? - dr. van Alter asked getting a folder from the table next to my head and writing something down

\- Being in the park - was my respond, i tried to focus and remember more but nothing come to mind - What happened? - i asked confused

\- You had an accident, you fell of a tree, but your okey now. I'm going to let you rest and try to get a hold of your family, but you'll be okey - said the doctor with a smile squeezing my leg lightly, when he mentioned getting a hold of my family i couldn't help but roll my eyes and then remembered the pressure on my right arm that i felt earlier witch made me look in that direction and for my surprise i was met by a pair of piercing blue eyes and cheerful grin that didn't belong to anybody i knew.

\- Hello, darling - said the boy with bright grin and distinctive British accent. I quickly moved my arm and tried to move away from him, now i was even more confused and i bet he could tell by the look of amusement on his face.

\- Who are you? - i asked and for my surprise his grin got even bigger and brighter. He was a boy maybe thirteen years old, dark hair, blue eyes and a charming smile.

\- I'm your guardian angel, darling! My name is Justin - was his simple respond, he was acting like we've known each other our whole lives, but i swear I've never met him before.

\- Do we know each other? - i asked suspiciously, which made him laugh. He shook his head and explained that he saw the accident and he was the one that saved me and that he and his dad where the one that brought me to the hospital. Then and older man walked in the room with two cups in hand.

\- Oh, you are awake good... I'm Hank, Justin's dad - he said, his voice was deep and really raspy like he smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. Hank and Justin stayed with me until my parents showed up, and even then Justin stayed where i could see him. Of course my parents got ballistic blaming me, asking me what did i do to my classmates for them to attack me, god forbid it was someone else's fault but mine.

I spent a week in the hospital since i developed pneumonia because of the cold water in the lake, for my surprise Justin and his dad visited me every day and stayed with me for hours, playing board games, watching movies or just talking. In the weeks after the accident Hank and Justin Voight became more my family than my biological one ever was and i was grateful for it, knowing that someone actually cared about me was definitely and amazing feeling.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys here is the next chapter I hope you like it. This one is about Erin and the most important person in her life.**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Chicago

December 2nd, 2012

How did I end up here? If you had told me a year ago that I was going to be here in a hospital bed for over sixteen hours hooked to machines, with pain striking my body every so often and being equally amount excited and terrified I would have said you are crazy.

Last year I was married to my best friend Kelly Severide, we were leaving in a small apartment in the Oldtown neighborhood in Chicago. Kelly and I have been married for four years, but we weren't happy, not for a long time now. Ever since he started working at Firehouse 51, he changed. He started distancing himself from me, always working or hanging with his friends, spending less and less time with me. He barely even comes home and if he did it would be in the early hours of the day drunk and smelling like cigarettes. We had turned into roommates, more friends then lovers, it felt more like coexistence than marriage.

So maybe yes it did make sense how I ended up in a hospital bed, going into my eighteenth hour of labor. About to give birth to a baby, that didn't belong to my now ex - husband and whose father I haven't seen in almost eight months. A man who had no idea that this baby even existed. But maybe the most shocking thing was that the person sitting next to me, giving me ice cubes, trying to keep me calm and was suffering through all my contractions was no other than Kelly Severide himself. Kelly had come over to help me with the organizing of the nursery since my dad, and his Intelligence Unit had a big case. Dad couldn't help, and I couldn't wait to finish my baby's bedroom, so when my water broke Kelly was the one who took me to the hospital and refused to leave until Hank gets here.

\- Kelly, something is wrong- I said trying to find a comfortable position to sit, cause the pain was getting too much and I started feeling lightheaded. It was two am, and I was tired, hungry and anxious I've been in active labor for over six hours now but just in the last ten minutes or so I started feeling lightheaded, and I couldn't catch my breath, and something was telling me that something was wrong.

\- The doctor said it's normal sometimes it takes more time - Kelly tried to calm me down, squeezing my hand and giving me a smile, but it didn't work. I could feel that something was wrong, it was just a feeling, I couldn't explain it, but it was getting worse. At that moment the door opened, and Hank Voight barged in with worried look on his face and breathing heavy I could tell that he had run from the parking lot to my room, he quickly got to my side and grabbed my hand, gave it a light squeeze and kissed my forehead

\- Thank you Severide you can go now - he said with a stern voice, but Kelly didn't move from his spot. Hank was never very fond of Kelly especially after he found out about his cheating and partying while we were married, but he couldn't deny the fact that after our divorce Kelly was trying to be a god friend and he was there for me during the pregnancy.

New contraction and the monitors went crazy starting to beep loud, and before I knew it there was a bunch of nurses running into my room followed by doctor Natalie Manning, my OB-GYN

\- The fetal is in distress, call upstairs we're taking her in right now

\- What's going on, dad? DAD - I yelled panicking trying to see my dad, grab hold of his hand for support, I could see the fear in his eyes and that didn't make my feel better. They rolled me into the bright operating room, nurses, and doctors were running around preparing for the surgery, and that made me even more nervous

\- My baby? Is my child okay? - I asked looking around trying to find Doctor Manning

\- The baby's heart rate is law, and it's not getting better. We need to get him out right now, just to be sure. Erin, I promise I'll do everything in my power to deliver your baby safe - the young woman said and ran out the room my guess was to wash up. The nurse got me situated on the table, got an oxygen mask on my face, I a sheet was spread over me, and a minute later Hank walked in dressed in green scrubs with one of those ugly hairnets and a mask on his face. He came to my head, planted a kiss on my forehead and squeezed my hand in his

\- Everything is going to be okay; I'm right here kiddo - he said with his deep raspy voice. Doctor Manning came back a few moments later and positioned herself between my legs.

Then after the longest ten minutes of my life, I felt the last pull and then nothing

\- What's wrong, why isn't he crying? - I asked panicked trying to get my head up; the nurses took the baby away from me to a corner of the room

\- The umbilical cord had wrapped itself around his neck. - the doctor said while she kept working on me her face showed stress and concern and I couldn't figure out why until my head started spinning and black spots started dancing in front of my eyes

\- Erin, Erin stay with me, Erin her blood pressure is going down, she is bleeding out, get me a crash card and blood bags and get him out of here! - doctor Manning started giving orders jumping on her feet

\- She is AB positive - Hank yelled while one of the nurses pushed him out of the operating room, then in all the chaos and madness a loud cry filled the room...

"Hey, beautiful girl" Jay's voice was deep, there was a spark in his emerald blue eyes and the smile on his face was so big I couldn't do anything but smile myself.

"You need to wake up Er, please beautiful wake up" - I could feel his fingers lightly brushing up and down my arm. "Wake up," he said again, and I slowly opened my eyes.

\- Erin! Kiddo can you hear me? - Hank was hovering over me worry filling his brown eyes

\- Hank... - I whispered, and he smiled letting a sigh of relief escape his lips

\- Welcome back kiddo, you scared me - he said kissing my head, I looked around for a moment, and my heart sank when I realized Jay wasn't there, he was just a dream, memory, and then it hit me

\- My baby! - I said and jumped or at least tried but my body ached so bad, and my head spanned so quickly that I felled down hitting the pillow.

\- He is fine, and he is gorgeous, you did good kid. The nurse is checking him out; she'll bring him back in a minute. - Hank said with a huge grin on his usually stern face. There was a knock on the door, and Doctor Manning walked in with a tablet in her hand.

\- Hello Erin, how are you feeling? - the young doctor asked me with a smile, looking on the screen in front of her

\- Tired, and sore - I said propping myself up a little I was still lightheaded and dizzy.

\- What went wrong doctor Manning? - I asked, still confused I didn't have the time to ask Hank before the doc walked in.

\- The reason the baby was in distress was that his umbilical cord had wrapped itself around his throat, we managed to get him out on time, but that caused a postpartum hemorrhage, we have succeeded in stabilizing you with a blood transfusion. You will feel dizzy, fatigue, weak, shortness of breath, but with a good rest and healthy diet, you'll be as good as new. - doctor Manning said, adding something to my chart in her hands, there was another knock on the door, and a nurse walked in pushing a hospital bassinet, and my heartbeat speed up like crazy

\- Are you ready to meet your baby? - The nurse asked with a huge smile on her face and picked the baby up. I nodded and stretched my arms impatiently waiting for her to put the tiny human in my arms. When she finally did my heart skipped a beat the moment I got to hold my baby, he opened his eyes and a little smile spread on his face. I was mesmerized by him, when I looked into his eyes it was like I was looking into an emerald ocean one I've seen before in his father's eyes

\- Welcome to the world Julian Jayson Lindsay - I whispered and kissed his tiny head.

It had been few weeks after I last had a contact with Jay Halstead when I found out I was almost three months pregnant. It took me about a week to decide what I'm going to do and by the end of that week, I've made the decision to keep the baby and raise him or her on my own. Also, I decided to tell everybody that I don't know who the father was. I knew that if I've told the truth, Hank will do his damnedest to find Jay and make him take responsibility for knocking me up, but that was the last thing I wanted. So I decided to honor the man who gave me the best gift in my life by hiding his name in my son's middle one and keeping his identity a secret by giving my son my last name.

\- It's time to feed him - the nurse said, and Hank left the room, while she was showing me how to breastfeed. About an hour later, the baby had a clean diaper. He had on new onesies that said "Hello world," white and gray striped pants and the same design hat and he was fast asleep in the bassinet. I was allowed to take a shower and get changed myself and were back in my bed when there was a knock on the door. For my surprise, Hank walked in followed by Alvin, Antonio, and Jules, as well as Kelly and some other people from Firehouse 51 like Matt Casey, Antonio's sister Gabby Dawson and Sylvie Brett. They all had balloons and gift bags in hands

\- Congratulations Erin - they said one after the other but no one of them was happier, or prouder than my father, Hank Voight.

\- Do you want to hold him? - I asked looking at Hank, and I saw the tears in his eyes when I put the sleeping baby in his arms

\- Hello kiddo I'm your grandpa, and I'm so happy that you're here. I promise you I'll protect to from anybody who wishes you harm. And these people you see here are your family. They always going to be here for you - he said looking around the room. Around us were all the people who made my life fuller, happier and worth living

* * *

 **I had a question when is Jay coming in the picture, so you will see him for a bit in the next chapter and then from chapter 6 and forward he will be a permanent character in every episode.**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N After the last chapter I posted I got a question when is Jay coming in the picture. He **is going to have a short appearance in this one and then from chapter 6, and forward he will be in every chapter.**

 **But I wanted to explain something to all of you, so here it is:**

 **When I started writing this story I wanted it to be more than just a story. I wanted it to have a life of its own and like all of you know life doesn't start from the middle. In the original script, the story started with Erin's birth explaining where she came from, her parents, the things that brought to her birth. But then when I decided to post the story I realized that most of you wouldn't read a story like that, so I change things around. I decided to make jumps from present to past and back but still keep my initial thought about showing the progress of Erin's life. I understand that we all love Linstead and we all want more of them. But if the story started with Jay and Erin's reunion how would you know why is she so anxious to see him, why is she fighting with herself and don't just jump in his arms like all of us want to see.**

 **So please be patient with me and experience the story the way I want to tell it. Thank you all :)**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **December 2nd, 2015**

\- Mommy, mommy, mommy - the loud screams were fallowed by tiny feet hitting the hardwood floors running from the door of my room towards my bed.

\- What's going on JJ, is there a fire or something? - I asked propping myself up and helped the little boy up on my bed.

\- It's my birthday mamma! - his eyes were bright blue and filled with excitement, I've seen that look once before, a long time ago.

\- Really? Are you sure bud? I'm pretty sure your birthday was last year - I said mindlessly getting out of bed, and heading towards my bathroom

\- NO mamma it happens every year! - he said with that "duh" tone, and I couldn't pretend any longer, I turned around and jumped back on my bad hugging him tightly and kissing his face off

\- Happy birthday monkey I love you to the moon and back - I said starting to tickle him, and my heart was overfilling listening to his cheerful giggles

\- So what does the birthday boy wants for breakfast? - I asked picking him up and headed towards the stairs and ultimately the kitchen

\- Pancakes and eggs and bacon and apple juice - he started to list all the food that he liked so much. My son maybe three years old but he loved food, which made me laugh. The little boy wiggled himself out of my arms the moment we got down the stairs and run towards the kitchen

\- There he is! How old are you now 10? - Hank's raspy voice could be heard from the kitchen, I turned around the corner stopped to look at the interaction in front of me

\- No grandpa I'm three! - The small kid said rolling his eyes. When Justin went MIA and Hank told me he and Camille, were going to bury my brother I shut them out of my life. I never imagined that just a few years later Camille would be dead, that I would be leaving in her home with my son, as a divorced single mom or that I would be a detective and work in the Intelligence Unit of 21st district under Hank's orders, life was unexpected.

\- You okey kid? - Hank asked me, and I nodded. While I had lost myself in my thoughts, he had gotten JJ to sit in his chair with a full plate in front of him, and he was offering me a cup of coffee.

\- Yeah, I'm good just thinking - I answered and took my spot next to the table.

\- Do you think you can keep an eye on the little monster so I can run an errand? - I asked looking towards the man who took the role of my father and a grandfather to my son after my parents disowned me for having some unknown guy's kid.

\- Sure thing, we're good here - he said finishing cooking his breakfast. I got up, kissed JJ's head and then Hank's cheek and ran upstairs to change and then out of the door.

Later today we were going to have a big party for the birthday boy with everybody from the unit coming including Burgess and Atwater, the guys from Firehouse 51, some friends from Med and some of JJ's kindergarten friends, so I had to get the decorations and the cake from the store. I parked my gray Chrysler 300 in front of the store, locked the doors and walked to the doors when a loud sound made me turn around, and my heart stopped when I saw the reason for the noise. In the parking lot of the store just a few parking spaces down from my car there he was. Jay Halstead, sitting on his HD Roadster, with a scruffy beard, black sunglasses, a gray t-shirt and dark jeans, looking as hot as the first time I laid my eyes on him. Jay was preparing to leave, I knew he might see me but at the same time couldn't take my eyes off him. This moment was the first time I've seen him since the day he dropped me off at Kelly's, and yet he looked just how I remembered him. The moment he backed out of his spot and came towards the direction I was in quickly walked into the store, exhaling sharply. I was cursing myself for allowing him to have this much power over me but at the same time, I couldn't be happier that I saw him.

An hour later I was back at the house; there were balloons, swirl decorations everywhere, even ice hockey table and a big ring outside. JJ was obsessed with that sport and the Blackhawks, so I decided to do an ice hockey themed party even his cake was a game themed. Of course, the moment the guys came JJ demanded to go outside and play in the big ring, and no one dared to say no.

\- Are you okey? - I got started when Jules spoke, I hadn't realized that she walked in and with here Gabby, and Natalie and they all were looking at me with concern written all over their faces.

\- Yeah, yeah just thinking about JJ, I can't believe he is three years old already. - I said shaking my head. Technically I didn't lie I was thinking about my son, but also about the night he was created, I still couldn't get the thought about Jay out of my mind.

\- No kidding, I can't believe Nate is eight months old already - Natalie jumped in the conversation laughing looking towards the living room where her son Nathaniel was playing in the play pan. With my childhood and the girls in my surroundings, I would have never guessed that I would become such a good friends with the ladies in this room. Kim Burgess was my coworker at District 21, Sylvie Brett and Gabby Dawson were from Firehouse 51. They also happened to be my partner Antonio's girlfriend and sister respectively, Natalie Manning and April Sexton were from Med. You could count on all of them when you needed them. Neither of them was judging me or asking a question about JJ's dad accepting my decision not to talk about him, considering the fact we haven't even met Nat's husband Will, who is doing a residency in New York and they eloped just before Nate's birth. So we created our little support grope I was the one with most experience since my son was three now, Nat was next, then it was Gabby who was in her second trimester and April who was at the beginning of her pregnancy. Sylvie and Kim were the only ones that weren't a mom, or mom to be but they fitted so right with the rest of us. It was exiting to have this huge family, one that cared about you and wanted you in their life unlike my biological one back in Amsterdam.

It was almost six o'clock when the boys finely got tired and got inside we had a big family dinner, and then JJ blows the candles, I cut the cake, and we all had some, and after that was presents time.

\- Presents, presents, presents, presents - JJ' was jumping up and down while Hank and I got all of his presents and put them on the coffee table, so it's easier for him to open them. He started opening and with every new present his voice was getting louder, there was a Blackhawks jersey, a watch, a cap, small hockey door with sticks, also skates. Then there was his other obsession; Kelly got him a Harley Davidson helmet, someone else got him lather jacket and boots he was overwhelmed with all the presents but then his smile faded

\- What's wrong buddy? - I asked sitting on the edge of the coffee table next to him

\- Grandpa forgot to get me a present - he said on the verge of tiers, he was so adorable, I wanted to be serious, but it was so, so hard when he was making a face like that. I looked toward the kitchen's back door and saw Hank coming in with the present and smiled

\- Are you sure? Why don't you ask him? He is in the kitchen - I said getting up and following him, he ran so quickly that for a moment I thought that he would hit the wall, but he took the corner with ease and stopped in his track. In the kitchen, in front of him there was a small black remote controlled children's Harley Davidson and a grinning Hank standing on it's another side. JJ didn't wait another minute and jumped right on top of the bike. Sitting on his HD, dressed in a gray T-shirt, dark jeans, hair shortly cut on the sides but longer on the top and swept sideways he looked more like his thirty-three-year-old father than ever before. I could see Jay in such detail, the way the muscles on his arm were flexing, his hands holding the handles of the bike. I could even see the look in his eyes although I didn't see them this morning, without even realizing I had bitten my lower lip hard enough to taste the blood in my mouth.

Around nine o'clock everyone had left, except Kelly who stayed behind to help cleaning the cause, JJ had fallen asleep on the couch, so I picked him up and carried him to his bedroom. Very carefully I undressed him, changed him in pajamas, had him covered in bed and was about to turn the light off

\- Mommy.. - he whined tiredly

\- Yeas monkey - I asked moving back into the room so he can see me

\- I lava you - he murmured under his breath and passed back out, even the way he was saying good bye was like his father, he refused to say, love...

 _Jay: "But beautiful girl, lava is so much stronger than love. Lava is like love on fire!"_

\- I lava you to, you don't know how much - I whispered, kissed his head and went downstairs, grabbed a beer out of the fridge and went into the living room where Hank was watching a game on the tv with beer in his hand

\- It was a good day - he said without taking his eyes off the tv,

\- Where is Kelly? - I asked sitting down exhaling deeply which earned me a look of concern

\- Taking the trash out, what's on your mind kiddo? - Hank asked after taking a look at me, i smiled a half smile

\- I wanted to say thank you, for taking me in, for loving my son. You are my family - it was the truth sometimes it feels like i don't say it enough, i know he knows it but it feels good saying it once in a while

\- You are the best thing that ever happened to me Erin... i mean it - his response was stern, but i could see the spark in his eyes, the love, the pride. The door opened and Kelly walked in stopping in his step when he saw the tears in my eyes realizing he interrupted something but before he left i got up, gave Hank a kiss and fallowed Severide into the small mudroom next to the front door.

\- Thank you for coming and staying to help cleaning, you didn't need to do that - i said smiling a bit with my hands around me

\- I did. I was an ass the past few years, especially after Shay's dead. You deserved something better, and I'm sorry i wasn't that guy - Kelly was rarely so honest and open about our failed marriage. And the kind of man he turned into, but he was trying to change, trying to be there for JJ and me as a friend and someone, we could count on all the time.

\- Thank you for saying that, but i wasn't completely insistent in the whole situation, otherwise JJ wouldn't exist would he now - i said laughing a little, i didn't regret having my son i never would, he was the best thing in my life, but the truth was that i was still married to Kelly when i was with Jay, yeah my marriage was over long before that but still

\- It's all in the past, no go get some sleep I'll see you later. Good night Erin - he said, gave me a hug, followed by a kiss on the head and he left the house. I was exhausted and after bidding a good night to Hank i was back in my room, i looked through my closet and found what i was looking for. The navy blue, v-neck t-shirt was too big on my small figure but that was exactly what i needed, although I've washed it multiple times and it has lost his scent by now there was something very comforting about wearing Jay's shirt. I climbed into my bed and passed out pretty quickly, and like most night my dreams were filled with emerald green eyes, bright white smile, freckled lightly covered face and huge dimples - Jay Halstead was hunting my dreams every night since the day i met him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N This is the last chapter before Jay comes in and it's devoted to another man in Erin's life - Kelly Severide.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **October 7th 2007**

It was the end of the first week of training in CPFTA - Chicago Police and Firefighter Training Academy and gosh did it hurt... I quickly started to realize what mistake was not to push myself through the pain of my injuries last year, listening to doctors and giving up on my normal training sucked ass. But now that the weekend was officially on I was planning on getting a small break and enjoy some of the sweet sides on the student life - drinking and partying, earlier in the week I met few people that offered me to joined them for drinks tonight, so I was planning on doing that. I was wearing navy blue trousers, white tank top, covered by an elegant knitted navy blue blouse and same color earrings, high heels and purse, I was feeling awesome. I was feeling hot; my hair was in loose curls, in a beautiful golden brown color and reaching just above my chest. I walked into the bar where I was supposed to meet Lesley and Julie. The girls I had previous arrangements with if I said that the number of students in the club was surprising I would have lied. But even with the full bar, it wasn't difficult to find the happy blond girl in the corner of the bar, screaming her lungs out and throwing her long hair in the air in sync with the music that was blasting from the speakers. I started walking towards the bar, but then remembered that here don't serve alcohol at eighteen, which if you asked me is a lot of crap, but whatever I changed the destination and went straight towards the booth where Lesley was.  
\- Boo - I whispered into her ear, successfully scaring the crap out of her, sneaking behind her while she was in the middle of her dance.  
\- You suck! - she complained but there was this huge grin trying to make its way on her face, and a moment later she was laughing hysterically throwing her hands around my neck hugging me. I could smell the alcohol on her breath and be wondering how did she manage to get the bartender to sell her some. Another song started, and she let go of me to start dancing while looking around  
\- I thought I new all hot chicks from the firefighter program - said a tall boy with curly dark hair and blue almost gray eyes, grinning and looking me from head to toe  
\- I'm not ... - I started saying when Lesley interrupted me jumping on the guy's lap  
\- She's a lawyer, she can get your ass out of troubles - the blond said emphasizing on the last word making it sound like he was always getting in trouble, the guys face changes, and I could see the lust written all over his face, and I could hear the seals turning in his head  
\- Yeah, no - I said shutting him down right on the spot, which sends Lesley Shay in a fit of laughter, which on other hand made the guy drop her of his lap  
\- Hey, not cool dude, not cool at all - she said putting a pout on her lips. In a moment she got up, cleaned her butt and took a deep breath  
\- Erin, this is my impossible best friend Kelly Severide, Kelly this is Erin Lindsay my new best friend - said the blond introducing us to each other, the continued introducing me to the rest of the people around their table. A new song began, and she started pulling my hand towards the dance floor, which happened to be on top of the stage. I tried to pull away, but it didn't work, Kelly was moving his class towards his lips when I snatched it and drink the entire content in one gulp, as I expected the glass of red bull was spiked, the liquid slid down my throat burning, but I welcomed the feeling. Lesley pulled me on the floor, and we started dancing, a minuted later Kim showed up and the guy she was with helped her up, so she was next to us dancing. The song that was on was "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne it had a good beat; it was great to be able to jump around and flip our hairs, I have to admit it was fun.  
I spend the whole night with Lesley, Kelly, Jules her boyfriend Alec and few other people whose names I didn't remember. It was more fun than I expected although Severide didn't stop trying to get into my pants, there was something in the way he looked, in his blue eyes that were screaming player and I didn't want to get involved with that. Around seven o'clock in the morning we decided that we had enough and everybody went their separate way, Alec took Jules home, Lesley went home with some chick, the other guys left hours ago, so here I was in front of the bar with only Kelly Severide  
\- Come on I'll take you home - he said giving me a huge smile, I shook my head he was unbelievable  
\- Yeah, right didn't I already told you no like couple dozens of times tonight, you still don't give up - I was impressed, but not enough to let him get into my pants  
\- If I promise not to hit on you would you let me escort you home? - he asked in a serious tone, I looked around for a moment and I then back at him  
\- Okey, but if you try anything, I promise you'll regret it - I said with a sweet and charming expression I could manage.  
My place wasn't too far away from the bar, just a simple one bedroom apartment, about two blocked away. I have to admit that Kelly kept his word and didn't push me, on the contrary, he was sweet and talkative. We talked about everything and nothing, and it felt nice when we got to my place he waited for me to unlock the door before bid goodbye, gave me a light hug and then left. The next month Kelly spent trying to get me to go out with him, but I refused, we would meet out in bars and clubs with the rest of the gang, that we had formed but never an actual date, the idea that he is a player kept bugging me.  
It was Thanksgiving day; I had no plans what so ever, just chilling in my apartment wondering if I want to cook or just order something when the doorbell ranged, imagine my surprise when I opened it and on the other side was Kelly with hands full of grocery bags and a huge smile on his face  
\- I know you don't have any family here, so brought dinner, wine, and some board games - he stated and walked past me into my apartment, without waiting for permission. I had to admit though it was nice of him and the food smelled delicious. I closed the door and followed him into my kitchen, got plates, glasses and silverware out and helped him spread the food into the plates and we sat down on the couch in the living room  
\- Thank you, I wasn't in a mood to cook - I said pushing a big bite into my mouth  
\- You are welcome, glad to be of service - he said with huge grin, we ate in silence for a bit until he started laughing  
\- What's so funny? - I asked looking at him and then at me thinking that maybe I dropped food or sauce is dripping down my chin  
\- If I knew that bringing you food would grant me access to your apartment I would've done that month ago - he answered and shrugged, I hit his shoulder in response  
\- Good for you, you brought the food now you can go - I said putting my almost empty plate on the coffee table and turned towards him pushing on him. The honest truth has I liked the company; I didn't want to spend the day by myself. Kelly left his plane on the nightstand next to the couch, and we started to wrestle playfully that turned into tickle fight  
\- Okey, okey that's enough - I said trying to catch my breath in between laughter. When I calmed down, I helped him clean the dishes, and we sat back on the couch. We spent hours talking, playing board games, even some video once and we finished the night with a movie and without realizing we fell asleep on the couch, with my head on his chest and his arm around my shoulders.

The next few weeks weren't more different that this night, we hung out with friends, or were watching movies on my couch, playing games being friends. Kelly was an interesting guy he barely spoke about his family, which made two of us, his childhood was not a happy one, but he was picking himself up, doing what he wanted to do with his life despite what anybody else thought. It was interesting few months until that day in early January when he and I became more than just friends.

It was late morning, and I was running late for classes, I was running out of the building I was living in and bumped into someone standing on the other side of the door. You can guess my surprise when I realized that it was no one else than my mother Barbara van Added or according to my birth certificate that I found before I left Amsterdam Barbara Alan Fletcher. The moment I saw her I knew that it was going to be a long, long day. I spent the morning fighting with Bunny, trying to find out the truth about myself, why was she lying to me all my life, about who my father was. How was I related, was I even related to the man I thought was my dad for the past nineteen years. After hours of arguing I found out that I was a bastard child. My mother had a one night stand with a cop who was married at the time. He had no idea I even existed; she ran away to New Orleans. Where she met Henrick, the guy I thought was my father, that he accepted to raise me but refused to give me my last name that's why my name was Lindsay after my grandfather who unlike most people wanted me and loved me without any reservation. By the end of the day, I figured one more thing Barbara never wanted me, and never loved me, not the way a mother should, not the way she loved Teddy I was just a convenience.

I finally got rid of Bunny around eight; I was exhausted and numb, I was getting a beer out of the fridge when there was a knock on the door, with a heavy sigh I opened the door realizing with relief that it was Kelly on the other side.

\- I should have called... I know - he said looking sheepishly

\- You never have to call - I said shrugging, and the next thing I know was his lips on top of mine, the kiss the slow at first but quickly escalated into a passionate fight and we found our way to my bedroom. Kelly laid me down end started kissing every inch of my skin slowly making his way up my body until he got to my lips, he placed another kiss on my lips and pulled back looking into my eyes for a moment

\- I have just one request - I whispered caressing his face

\- Yeah, name it - he answered quickly, and I could see it in his eyes he would do anything for me

\- Stay the night, after today I just

\- I'm not going anywhere - he responded even bore I finished my sentence and kissed me again.

It was the end of November; I was standing in my bedroom in front of the mirror hanging on the back of my door. I was dressed in black leather pants, white shirt with a tuxedo jacket, my hair was up in a sleek ponytail, my eyes had that smoky effect, and my lips were red I smiled and left my room to be met by Kelly. He was dressed in blue jeans, black t-shirt, and gray suit jacket, his hair was just a few fingers long but it was curly, his face was covered with adorable stubble, he was smiling at me holding a small bouquet of white calla lily and black roses. We left the apartment and went down to the courthouse where we met with Lesley, Julie, and Alec, and we all walked in. By the time we left the courthouse Kelly and I were married we were officially Mr. and Mrs. Kelly Severide.

* * *

 **So I am considering opening a Facebook page for this story where I will post pictures of outfits, and places, and houses and other things regarding this story do you guys think that will be something useful and helpful, or you wouldn't be interested in something like that?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Guys, i'm sorry for the short delay but I wanted to be sure this chapter was unique, so I spent the whole night rewriting it I hope you like it!**

 **Like you will see the date of this section is January 2016. But regarding the show, the events take place in Chicago Fire Season 2 Episode 13. So officially the story starts from season one just in present day. I'll be skipping episodes and using just moments from different episodes so don't worry the story won't go slow.**

 **The other different thing is the Intelligence Unit although the story is in season one the members of the team will not be as they were in the show. The Intelligence team members are Hank Voight,** **Alvin Olinsky, Erin Lindsay, Adam Ruzek, Kim Burgess, Craig Gurwitch aka Mouse, Kenny Rixton and Jay Halstead. In which Jay is the newest member of the team and Antonio Dawson recommends him after he leaves to move to Chicago Justice.**

 **And on other notice in my last chapter i asked if you will be interested in a Facebook page for this story and some of you said yes so i created one** **HIMIHStory/**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 ** _October 24th_**

 ** _Matchzo Sport en Activiteiten Centrum Driemond - Amsterdam_**

 _\- We need to talk - Hank said, the moment i left the locker room at the valleyball hall, count on him not to bid around the bush_

 _\- Justin... - i whispered, he didn't had to say anything, i new exactly what he was going to say, something has happened to my brother_

 _\- Justin's platoon was on a mission monitoring a NATO offensive against Taliban insurgents west of Kandahar when the aircraft they were on exploded. All fourteen man were presumed dead, but there were only twelve bodies found. Justin and one other soldier's body weren't found - with every world coming out of his mouth my heart was breaking, my breath was hitching, making me feel dizzy and making it difficult to think._

 _\- He is not dead, they are still looking right - i asked, part of me knew that there was no way he had survived the crash, but bigger part of me didn't wanted to accept what i was hearing. There was no way in hell my brother was dead!_

 _\- He can't be dead... he did n't die... Justin did n't die - i kept saying over and over again, trying to reassure myself more there anything else_

 _\- He was officially declared MIA a week ago - Hank said, emotionless and at this moment i couldn't say if he was really so cold or he was just that good at pretending. It took me a moment before his last words hit me_

 _\- A week ago? What do you mean a week ago? When did this happened? Why am i hearing about it just now? - there was anger boiling up from within and it was pushing the pain and numbness in the back of my mind_

 _\- September second - the moment the words left his mouth i felt light headed that was over a month ago, my brother was gone for over a month and i didn't know it_

 _\- What! What the hell! He is been gone for more then a month and you just now decided to let me know? - i started yelling in Hank's face, hitting his chest with all my strength, over and over again, at this point there were waterfalls going down my face, i couldn't see anything but it didn't stop me, at some point my feet refused to hold me up any longer and i slid on the floor._

 _\- I'm sorry kid but Camilla and I needed our time to coperhand what happened, and to make some very difficult decisions... One of wich is we are having a funeral for him in a week - Hank said which made me jump on my feet, and the anger got even stronger then before_

 _\- A funeral? To bury what? An empty coffin? An urn? Justin is not dead, there is no body and i refuse to accept that he is dead until there is a body, a concrete proof!I'm not giving up on my brother! - i yelled in his face. It felt like he was killing Justin, burying him without him being dead and there was nothing i could do._

 _\- But know this if you bury Justin, this is the last time you'll ever see me! - i said trough my teeth and for a moment i could swear there were tears in his eyes. For the past 10 years of my life the Voight's have been more my family than the van Addens ever were, Camille made sure to call at least once a week, to visit once a month to keep in touch with me. Justin was talking about helping me move to the states once he gets back from his deployment and i graduate high school and now he is gone, my family was gone and there was nothing i could do to fix it, there was no power in the world that could fix it._

 ** _January 2016_**

 ** _Chicago_**

I woke up covered in sweat yet again, the nightmare of Justin's death was fresh in my mind although it's been ten years since he went MIA and I still got chills every time I thought about that moment, I still felt the pain like it just had happened. The nightmares of that night were not as often as before, but they were still a big part of my life. A lot of things had changed in those ten years meeting Kelly, marring him, founding out that Hank Voight was my biological father who was a huge shock for both of us, but at the same time, it made sense considering the quick connection I made with Justin. Camille losing her fight with cancer just mare months after learning that i was Hank's daughter. Her reaction was so pure and so surprising, but at the same time so much her. She wasn't angry when she found out, no she was relived, she was happy that Hank wasn't going to be alone once she was gone. Then meeting Jay, him disappearing, divorcing Kelly, giving birth to JJ, becoming a cop, so much has changed and everything started the night that i found out about Justin's disappearance.

With a deep sigh i got up, if my day was going to be like my morning, it was going to a very long one. By the time i walked into JJ's room to wake him up i was already dressed in my usual jeans, grey fitted long sleeve shirt and biker boots. According to the weather report today was supposed to be a cold one, nothing new for Chicago's winter but still not something i was looking towards. As usual, JJ was half asleep while i got him dressed and ready for daycare. It was around seven thirty in the morning when i made it to the district, the residue of my nightmare was still weighing on me and my mind wasn't clear, the freezing air wasn't helping either, maybe in different circumstances i would of remembered that today the newest member of Intelligence was supposed to start, my new partner. To be honest i still didn't understand why did i need a new partner i was comfortable working with Kenny, but Hank and the chief were dead set on it, not to mention that both Antonio and Mouse vouched for him so i had no choice.

When i walked up stairs Alvin was already at his desk, i could hear voices coming from Hank's office and other from the locker room, i stopped at my desk long enough to drop my jacket, and quickly made my way to the break room i needed coffee and lots of it. I filled the biggest mug i could find and walked out of the break room at the same time Hank's door opened and i saw Antonio walking out

\- Hey, Antonio - I said genuinely happy to see him. In a blink of an eye, he scooped me up into his embrace which made me giggle. Antonio was one of those really important man in my life, when i first came up into the unit he was my partner, he had my back and taught me a lot, no t to mention that he took the role of big brother

\- There is my favorite person - he said finally putting me down, he put his hands on my face and kissed my forehead before he stepped away from me, allowing Hank to get out of his office. I got distracted talking with Tony and didn't notice the other person, who came out of the office

\- Ruff night kid? - Hank's deep, raspy voice made me look way from Antonio and finaly pay atention and noticing the tall and dark haired guy, from the spot i was standing next to Tony i couldn't see the face of that person, but there was something familiar about him i just couldn't put my finger on it

\- Okey everybody listen up! - Voight said getting the attention of the rest of my teammates while everyone was taking their places, behind their desks, i wasn't in a hurry so i stayed next to Antonio.

\- This is detective Jay Halstead he is going to be a part of this team starting right now - Hank stated and looked towards me and i prayed like never before, that my face was blank and he couldn't see the shock that overtook me the moment he said the name Jay Halstead. There was no way it was the same Jay Halstead, was there. At the exact moment i thought that guy that was just introduced took a step so i finally was able to see his face and i felt like someone just hot me with one of those monster trucks

\- Erin he is with you , show him around - Hank said, visibly not noticing the change in my behavior, but i couldn't say the same for Antonio, who was standing so close to me that i swear he could feel the way my body tensed the moment my eyes met the emerald green once that belonged to my new partner.

\- Er, you okey? - he asked putting his hand on my solder i summoned all my control and smiled weakly, and then i looked towards Jay, who was smiling at me with a sparkle in his eyes

\- Yeah, i'm okay just ruff night, that's all - i reassured him and took a step towards the men infront of me, i had to do something before he had the chance to open his mouth

\- Erin Lindsay, pleased to meet you - i said reaching my hand towards him, pretending that's the first time i've seen him, hoping he would go with it

\- Jay Halstead, the honor is all mine - he said and the corner of his lip went up ever so slightly. This wasn't happening, i had to pinch myself to make sure i wasn't still in my nightmare, this was worst then being partnered with a rookie

\- Hey Mouse would you show him around i'll walk Antonio out - i said as politely as possible i couldn't do it, not right now. The last thing i wanted at this moment was to be alone with Jay. My head was a mess, my mind was like an internet browser, a hundred tabs full of memories were open, some of them are not responding, thousands of popups and where the fuck was that song coming from? I was overwhelmed and i needed a moment for myself. For a moment it looked like Jay was about to protest, but before he had the chance to do so Antonio was already saying his goodbyes and was heading towards the stairs and Mouse had this huge grin on his face, obviously excited to have his friend in the unit with him.

\- So, we're alone now, are you going to tell me what was that? - Antonio asked the moment we stepped out of the metal door separating the lobby and the bullpen

\- I have no idea what are you talking about - i said with the most innocent face i could pull. Of course, i wasn't as good as my son in the puppy dog eyes, but i could at least try

\- Yeah, right... Well you know were to find me when you want to tell me the truth - Antonio stated and gave me a bear hug and walked towards the entrance of the district

\- Hey, you miss us though right? - i asked just before he closed the door behind him

\- I cry myself to sleep every night - he answered and i started laughing and shaking my head. I took a deep breath and headed back upstairs, the bullpen was almost empty, everyone was doing their own thing, so i went straight to my desk and buried myself in paperwork that i was avoiding the past week, or so.

A few hours later I stared feeling the pain in my back from sitting on my ass for so long, and I needed to stretch my legs. So I got up and headed towards the break room, I needed coffee, for my relive there was no one there. I looked around the office and noticed that it was almost empty, for a moment I wondered where everyone went, but I got distracted when my phone ranged. I wasn't surprised when I heard Nat's voice on the other end of the line, like every other day she had called to make sure that she is still picking JJ from daycare and that he is spending the night there. It was a regular thing for us, once a week on our day's off one of us was taking the kids so the other one could have some needed alone time. After we had hung up, I relaxed on the couch closing my eyes for a moment, and without realizing my mind slipped into one of those taps of memories...

 _It was a worm spring day and i was lying on the grass sketching something on my notepad. Jay was sitting next to me his back propped on a tree trunk, he had his guitar in hand and was playing different melodies, nothing, in particular, just random songs. He looked up and our eyes met, his emerald green eyes were deeper shade than usual, and the spark in them was making me lose my mind. He smiled and came closer giving me a kiss, in moments like this i forgot about the world, it was just Jay and i, there was no Kelly, no Ally, no one and nothing just him and i_

 _\- You are beautiful - he whispered before he took his previous pose and got back to playing the guitar_

 _\- Yeah? Too bad i can't say the same about you - i responded and tried really hard to hide the smile that was threatening to overtake my lips, he laughed, and i couldn't take my eyes of of his freckled face, his hair was getting long and had started to form curls he was handsome and charming and i couldn't believe that he was actually interested in me, with all my drama and flaws. After giving me another kiss he started playing the guitar again and this time i knew the song he was playing it was our song or at least that was the song he played the day we met: Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me_

I didn't realize that i had started humming the song neither that someone had walked into the break room until i heard the door closing, which made me jump. When i turned around Jay was standing there, next to the door with a smile on his face, he had heard me humming

\- El, we should talk - he said with sad eyes, i had to look away because of the look in his eyes, it was a mix of hurt and pain but also hope. It's been more then four years since the last time i saw him, since the last time i felt whole, but things are so complicated now...

\- Don't call me that... My name is Erin Lindsay, i'm your partner and that's all. What happened four years ago, is in the past, and i would prefer if it stays there - i said moving towards the door, there were so many questions in my mind, so many things i wanted to know, but for my sanity, and in my son's best interest was to walk away and not open that door. I couldn't let him in again, i couldn't tell him how much it hurt when he left, i couldn't let him know that he didn't just walked out on me...

\- Ellie please, hear me out, let me explain - he begged using the nickname that he used to call me all those years ago. All my life no one had ever used my middle name for a way to call me, most people didn't even new that my middle name was Elisabeth. But when Jay and i met he took liking to that name and the nickname Ellie or El, but at this moment it was doing more damage then good hearing it coming out of his mouth.

\- No, Jay it doesn't matter anymore, it wont change what happened nor the past four years. It was then, we were young and stupid, we had a moment and then it passed. That's life, we both moved on, just leave it be it will only complicate things. You just joined the team, lets just keep it professional and please, don't tell anybody - i said trying to be as calm and rational as i possibly could. It was so hard, though i wanted to know, i needed to know what happened, how from talking about leaving Chicago and starting a new life together, I ended up standing in an empty apartment, no massage, no phone call, no goodbye

\- Yes you are right, it won't change the past, but it might change the future... - and before he could finish his sentence there was knock on the door and we say the whole team running in the bullpen, Jay and i looked at each other and then joyned the rest of the guys in the main area. Hank came out of his office and told us the accident earlier that night that caused a power outage in few block radius and made sure that we are prepered to pull an overnighter in case we are needed, every one new that bad things happen when the power is out. It was a mad house out there, every off duty cop was called in, we were checking with Ci's, firehouses and hospitals making sure we have everything under control. That's when my phone went of, it was one of my CI's in the Keeler family, telling me that Vince came back, huffing and puffing that he is going to kill a fireman tonight, but what cought my atention was the fact that the victim was going to be from Firehouse 51

\- Mouse! Give me everything you have on Vince Keeler - i ordered while was busy trying to get a hold of my ex - husband Kelly Severide, but there was no signal, nothing, i slammed the phone on my desk, which made everybody jump and Hank to get out of his office

\- What's wrong kid? - he asked with worried look on his face, i looked around and realized that all eyes were on me

\- Apparently one of the guys from Firehouse 51 went toe to toe with Vince and he is dead set on killing him and i have the bad feeling it's Kelly he is after - i explained quickly. Hank wasn't the biggest supporter of Kelly Severide but he definitely didn't wanted him dead, otherwise he would of already be gone. For a moment i met Jay's eyes and i could see the shock and jealousy in his emerald green eyes, i couldn't think about that at the moment i grabbed my jacket and ran towards the stairs when Hank stopped me

\- You are not going alone take Halstead - he ordered and i knew better than to argue with him, so i nodded and took of. Few minutes later we were on the road i was driving a s fast as i could, i had the sirens on so i hoped nobody would be stupid enough to get in my way at

\- So, you two are still together? - Jay asked, i didn't need to look at him to know that his eyes were dark green like an ocean in the middle of a storm, i also could see his clenched fist with the corner of my eye, she was squeezing so hard that his knuckles had turned white, i knew i should tell him the truth, that Kelly and i weren't together for a long time, but a rational part of me was telling me to keep my mouth shut, to let him believe i was still married, that is he believed i was still with Kelly i would be safe, i wouldn't have to face him and there was the other part that liked the fact the he was jealous.

We got to the firehouse, and we went straight into Boden's office. A few moments later Matt came in and after him Kelly, when I saw him my instinctive reaction was to hug him, yes we weren't married anymore, but we were friends, it took us a while, but we are in a right spot. I introduced Jay to them and explained the situation, and just like I suspected Severide was the one that had humiliated Vince Keeler. There was no way to convince him to come with us to the precinct, so I had a patrol keep an eye on the firehouse and took the kid that Vince had attacked to the precinct. About an hour later I had all the information I needed and Jay, and I were back at the firehouse, we showed the picture of the guy that was sent to Kelly, to Chief Boden, Matt, and Kelly and we went on looking for him. By the time I heard the commotion, Matt was on the floor

\- Drop it! Put it down, or I swear I'll put you on the floor - I yelled, and Jay showed up to cuff him

\- Thank you, I keep forgetting how much of a bad ass you are - Kelly joked and gave me one of his huge grins

\- How about you cook me dinner and I'll let show me how bad ass you are in video games? - I asked winking at him.

The drive back to the precinct was surprisingly quiet, Jay was playing with his dog tags and i was quietly soaking the familiar filling of his presence, when we got to the precinct i parked next to the very familiar blue Bronco and couldn't stop the small smile that spread on my lips.

\- I'm not going anywhere El, I promised you to never forget that this is once in a lifetime love and i meant it... I'll see you later - Jay said looking at me and letting the dog tags to fall on his chest and for my huge surprise right there on top of the steal plate there it was the small silver ring with crystal leaves - my promise ring. Without another word he got out of the car and closed the door behind him, i couldn't move, couldn't breath, my heart was beating like it was about to break out of my chest filled with the thought that maybe, just maybe our story didn't end four years ago, that maybe that was just the beginning.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Okey guys this chapter is a little bit short, but it's all Linstead and it's the first time they meet. i have to admit it was very difficult to write this chapter because of the of mind Jay is in, so i apologize if it's not the best thing in the world.**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **January 2012**

A loud noise coming from the living room startled me awake, my first reaction was to grab the gun that Hank demented i keep close to me and headed carefully towards the noise, you can imagine my surprise when i realized that the reason for the noise was no other than my drunk as a skunk husband. I lowered the gun and stepped into the living room, the sight in front of me was as you may guess was pitiful.

\- Oh, Kelly - i whispered crouching next to him. His leather jacket was tossed aside, one shoe on, one off, his shirt was misbuttoned, his hair was curly mess, i could smell the booze and cheap perfume from the other door. I looked at him for a long moment slipping my fingers in his hair and wondered what had happened to the man I married. Ever since Lesley Shay's dead Kelly was different, he would skip work, drink until he had no idea on what earth he was, sleeping with random women, barely even look at me, I had tried to help him, but he was freezing me out.

\- Come on, lets get you to bed - i said helping him up and dragging him to our bedroom, the moment we got there he dropped on the bed and was out, i got him undressed and under the covers and returned to the kitchen. When i got there started the coffee machine, in the meantime i got a glass of water and few aspirins and took them into the bedroom, putting them on the nightstand next to Kelly. I knew that there was no way i could go back to sleep, so after i made sure my gun was locked in the security box, i took a shower, got into my blue jeans and a black shirt, tight my hair into a high twist, returned to the kitchen and prepared myself a cup of coffee. When i looked at the clock on the stove i was shocked to see that it was only five thirty in the morning that was enough to tell me that today was going to be one very long day. And after spending the next hour checking my email, the weather channel and the news i decided that it was time to head out.

I walked down the street towards the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago, where i was volunteering for the past two years, and on my way i passed the bar where Kelly and i met and a small, sad smile spread across my lips. It was so difficult i wished i could blame Kelly for the issues in our marriage but at the same time remembering myself and the things i did after Justin's dead i couldn't say i didn't understand him. Shay's death hit Kelly hard, and he was acting out, without thinking about the consequences of his actions, he was doing anything in his power to forget, unfortunately our marriage was the collateral damage.

When i got to the institute it was almost eight o'clock, everybody was in the cafeteria getting breakfast which gave me a few minutes to put my name tag and to look through the medical charts that had my name on it. For some reason the the staff usually assign me the difficult once. maybe because of my experience, or maybe because of my character but they believed that i can made a difference with those soldiers and if we count the patients i've help i would say they were right.

When I was done reading the charts I headed towards the room of one of the patients, I knocked on the door and walked in

\- Good morning Staff Sergeant, my name - I started and looked at the man sitting in the wheelchair

\- I don't care - he interrupted me, without even looking at me, now I got why they gave him to me

\- Grumpy much? - I asked walking deeper into the room; I was used to behavior like his, not to mention that my husband was acting the same way, so the coldness didn't surprise me

\- You ready for some exercise? - I asked standing right in front of him forcing him to look at me.

\- Look I know ...- I started with the calmest voice I could manage, although the husk in my voice makes it difficult

\- No, you don't! You don't know shit! Get OUT! - the young man in front of me started yelling; his green eyes got darker then a stormy ocean, his freckled face was cringed in rage.

\- Do you feel better now? - I asked and got a hold of his wheelchair and started pushing when he grabbed my hand

\- What the hell you think you're doing? - he asked staring at me with such anger, but that didn't stop me, I've seen the kind of depression soldiers like him go through especially when injured, being the one to protect and turning into the one that needs protection and help is something that many people can't handle

\- Taking you to the gym, or you thought that the little scene would give you a free pass? - I asked raising my eyebrow at him

\- Let me go! I'm not going anywhere get out and live me alone! - He demanded to put his hands on the wheels, preventing me from being able to push him further. I looked at him for a long moment and then stepped in front of him with serious expression

\- Let me get this straight; you are so pissed off that you prefer spending the rest of your life in this wheelchair instead of sucking up your pride and ego and do what the doctors and I say and walk out of here in few weeks? You are right I don't get it! - I stated and turned my back on him heading towards the door; I couldn't help him until he was ready to be helped. I had made just a few steps before he stopped me

\- You are a nightmare; you know that? - he asked looking straight into my eyes that only made me smile

\- No Staff Sergeant I'm way worse - was my simple answer, after winking at him I went back to him and started pushing the chair out of the room. We didn't say another word until we got to the gym, the physiotherapist was waiting patiently on the staff sergeant. I helped him to get stationed and introduced him to the therapist and headed towards the door

\- Where do you think you are going nightmare? - He asked and if look could kill I probably would be dead right about now. The look of disapproval and disappointment on his face was priceless; he was like a little kid that was just denied an ice cream.

\- Other people need help to Staff Sergeant; you are in good hands - I said and nodded towards the therapist who was waiting next to him, starting his exercises, although the Sergeant was too focused on me to notice anyone else in the gym.

\- No, you made me come here, you are staying here nightmare! - he demanded, and the anger returned to his face, I had to admit he was hot when he was angry, but I had to push those thoughts away, it wasn't professional, nor moral because I was married.

\- Elisabeth, I was looking for you, we need you at the lobby - one of the nurses called from the doorsteps of the gym, I still didn't understand why the people here preferred to call me Elisabeth instead of Erin or Lindsay or even Severide. However, i got used to being called Elisabeth, and I started to like it

\- I'm sorry Staff Sergeant, duty calls. But how about that if you let the trainer do his job, then I would consider helping you out - I said with a wink and turned around, I was almost at the door when he stopped me again, but this time his demeanor was different, even his voice was different, and that surprised me.

\- Hey, nightmare it's Jayson Halstead. But you can call me Jay - he said, and when I turned around there was a smile on his face, for the first time since we met he was smiling, his emerald green eyes had a spark that was so mesmerizing, that it made my knees feel weak.

\- Erin Lindsay - I said, and walked away. I couldn't explain what just happened but there was something different about that boy, and it wasn't the fact that he was a soldier, or that he was wounded or the fact that he was a complete pain in the butt. But there was something in his eyes, in the way he looked at me, something was pulling me towards him, and I couldn't seem to make it stop.

The next few days weren't any different, Jay would either be stubborn as a mule, or he would give me those smiles of his, the once that would reach his eyes and make then sparkle like an ocean under the sunlight. It was about a week after we met, when his exercises started to pay off and he was able to take first steps on his own, without support, or people holding him, he was so proud of himself, the look of triumph on his face was the most amazing thing i've ever seen.

I was walking down the hallway one day when i heard quiet guitar melody coming from one of the rooms, it took me a moment before i realized that it was coming from Jay's room. I knocked on the door and walked in, the window was wide open, the curtains were pushed aside, and he was sitting on the windowsill with an acoustic guitar. His eyes were focused in something in the distance, his head was laid back resting on the window and his fingers were following the strings of the guitar mindlessly. I was surprised when i realized that i knew the melody he was playing it was an old one, but a good one - Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me.

\- I didn't know you were fan of old classics, or that you can play the guitar - i said quietly hoping that i wouldn't startle him into jumping of the open window

\- There are a lot of things that you don't know about me Ellie - it was hilarious how my nickname from Nightmare turned into Ellie, to be honest, no one had ever called me that, but it was charming especially coming from him.

\- I guess you are right - i said shrugging my shoulders and sat on the couch next to him, i looked outside trying to follow his gaze, good old Chicago, so beautiful, so peaceful it was like a dream, although it was freezing cold.

\- Are you trying to catch pneumonia? You just got out of the wheelchair - i said raising my eyebrow, at him, which only made him laugh at me but never the less he got up and closed the window and sat dawn, picking his guitar again, and started playing a random melody. We sat there for a long time just him, me and his acoustic guitar. And it was nice, there were no yelling, no drinking, no smell of cheap perfume, or cigars, it was refreshing, different in a good way.


	8. Chapter 8

**February 2016**

It was so early that i could barely keep my eyes open when i offered to pick Natalie from the airport, i didn't expect her flight to land at four am in the morning, nor that JJ would keep me awake almost the whole night. So with the lack of sleep and the stress of working with Jay and trying to keep our past a secret i wasn't a happy camper, on the contrary i was extremely grumpy, to the point that i was getting road rage walking behind people.

Luckily I didn't have to wait long before Nat came out with sleeping Nathaniel in her arms

\- Hey, thank you so, so much for picking us up - she started which made me smile, although tired I was glad to see my best friend.

\- Of course, you know you can count on me, how was your trip? - I asked while we were walking towards baggage claim

\- It was great; you can't imagine how much I needed that time away with Will, we both did - she said, and the gleam in her eyes was saying everything. But I knew exactly how she felt, cause even if I didn't want to admit it's what I felt every single day going to work, every single minute I spent with Jay...

\- I saw Jay... - the words just spilled out of my mouth without even realizing it, but before Natalie had the chance to say anything someone kicked her suitcase, the one I was pulling, and it opened spilling her clothes on the floor.

\- Really! - I said annoyed, starting to get them back in the suitcase when someone called my name

\- Hey, Stephanie- I said pretending to be happy to see her, this was just great

\- Hey, we were just talking about you, we didn't see your name on the reunion page on Facebook. Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about you and Kelly - she started, her voice was making me wanna vomit it was so sweet and kiss ass, and God knows how much I hated people like that

\- Yeah, thanks, but I have something I have to do, so... - the truth was I would of prefer being stuck in a room with Hank and Jay for hours that to spent even a minute with my classmates from the CPFTA.

\- You should still come, there are plenty of girls, that are still single, or divorced, maybe you can meet someone, but if not I understand. It was good seeing you - she said and walked away. The moment she left I turned towards Natalie and made a motion like I was about to vomit, which made her laugh

\- When is the reunion? - Nat asked, and we started walking towards the car once again

\- Friday - I answered, and she gave me that "Oh" look she knew exactly where I was supposed to be Friday night. Opened the door for her so she could put the sleeping boy in the car seat while I put her suitcase in the trunk, and got into the car.

\- So Jay, as the Jay, as JJ's dad Jay? - she asked the moment she got in the passenger side, and I took off towards her house.

\- Yeah, one and the same - I responded looking straight ahead, letting the memory of that moment hit me for a thousand time since that day

\- Where? How? What happened? ... Did you talk with him? - the questions just started pouring out of her, and I couldn't stop myself before I laughed.

\- Breath Doc! - I said trough fit of laughter while Nat was shooting me angry looks

\- In the precinct, he was talking with Hank, and yeah I don't have an option not to because he is my new partner - I stated, rolled my eyes, and Nat's jaw dropped

\- Does Hank know? Did you tell him about JJ? - she asked, and I quickly shook my head. I parked the car in front of her house, grabbed the luggage and followed her inside, and after she had put Nate in his crib, we were sitting in her kitchen waiting on the coffee machine to give us what we both needed most at this moment.

\- No, we pretended it was the first time we see each other. Truth be told it's hard, seeing him every day talking with him, having to ride with him and not be able to kiss him or tell him I love him. There is this part of me that want's to jump in his arms and forget the past four years and the way he left and just be happy like before - I was looking out of the window when she slid a cup of steaming coffee in front of me

\- But? - I smiled for a moment realizing how good she knew me; I couldn't hide anything from her

\- But i can't, can't let him in again, what if I do and he runs away again, or if he doesn't feel the same way, it's been four years I've changed, he's changed. I can't let him in; I can't let him break my heart again, this time it's more that my heart that's in the stake. - without realizing I had started to brush my thumb over the jasmine flower tattoo I had on my right wrist.

\- I think you need to give him a chance, let him tell you what happened maybe there is an excellent explanation why he vanished like that. I mean Chicago is a huge city and he just happened to be working not only in the same district as you but the same unit? You can't tell me that is just a coincidence. All I'm saying is that maybe he will surprise you - I hated to admit it, but as always Natalie was right. Once again I was letting my bad experience with people cloud my judgment.

\- Promise me you would at least think about it - she begged me with concern look on her face

\- I promise - there was nothing else to say, she wouldn't let me do anything else.

However, we spend the next hour before i had to leave talking about her trip to New York, the places Will took them and especially how excited she was about him coming back to Chicago in a month. To be honest, i was excited too, i finally was going to have the chance to meet my best friends husband in person. I've known Natalie for four years; she was the one who told me that i was pregnant. She was the one next to me during every step of my pregnancy. The one who had delivered my baby boy, and when she got pregnant i was the first that she told and i was there for her for the entire pregnancy and for the whole that time i've only seen Will in pictures and few video calls.

Around six I got back home, and after a quick shower getting dressed and getting JJ ready and dropping him off at daycare I was back in the car on my way to work. My head was hurting from all the thought circling in it; it was like a tornado. I was thinking about JJ and the fact that he deserved to know who his daddy was, but at the same time, I didn't want to get his hopes up in case Jay didn't want to have anything to do with him. Jay, he was another big part of the tornado thoughts being so divided between my feelings, between what my head said and the heart did, about what Natalie said, about giving him a chance to explain to prove himself. On the other hand, i was thinking about the stupid class reunion I didn't know why it bugged me so much; I didn't get along with those girls back then why do I have to prove myself now? And then thinking about the thing I had to do Friday, and for some reason, I wanted to scream. I made it to the district and was just about to walk in when Jay passed me and opened the door for me I didn't say anything picked up my pace and started climbing the stairs towards the gate

\- Good to know your morning manners are still terrible - Jay said laughing at me, I looked at him for the first time this morning

\- Do you own a suit? - I asked quickly putting my pin and palm on the scanner

\- Yeah, why? - he asked confused, and I could see the crease between his eyes, confusion looked good on him...

\- You are going to my academy reunion with me - I said and walked upstairs without waiting for his respond. I had no idea why I did that, why I wanted him to go with me, or why I was i even going, but there was no turning back now. I went straight for the coffee machine I was in desperate need of caffeine, I didn't need to look to know that he was fallowing me

\- Wait for what, are you serious? - he asked still confused looking around making sure no one was listening

\- What does your suit look like? It needs to be high end - I said without skipping a beat, his face turned offended like my question hurt him

\- I own nice suits - he said with his hand on his chest, but before our conversation could continue we were called for a case

There was no time for any more conversations since we were hit with a case almost immediately, Mouse gave us folders with the details he had, and Hank gave us orders, let us know about the NY detectives that were coming to help out. It was a heater case, all eyes were on us, the media, the mayor, the chief we needed something, anything and quick. Two victims, two young girls raped, murdered, their right ear cut off and we had squat, NY had the same exact crime, the same exact result. Voight was pissed, it was his city, and he wasn't going to let this happen again he yelled at as and we scattered quickly getting into the locker room getting changed as quickly as possible and we were on the look out at the Riverwalk. I was glad for the chance to run for a bit, it gave me time to clear my head, in about an hour we picked a guy but he wasn't our perv, and we all knew that.

\- Are we going to talk about this? - Jay asked a few hours later while we were staking out one of our suspects I closed my eyes for a moment

\- What is there to talk about? - I asked focusing my eyes on the building across the street

\- Do you expect me just not to ask any questions? - he asked, yeah I should have known better

\- Fine, shoot what do you want to know? - I gave in, there was only one way to get him to stop, and that was to answer whatever question he had.

\- For once why isn't Severide taking you, you know your husband? - he asked, and I quickly realized the huge mistake I had just made

\- He has somewhere to be - I tried to sound nonchalant, hoping he wouldn't keep digging

\- What is so important that he can't postpone it - he asked, and I could hear the negativism and disapproval in his voice, and I knew there was no way i could get out of it without telling him the truth

\- His engagement party - the words came out of my mouth, and I looked through the binoculars pretending I was focused on the suspect, but truth was my stomach was a knot of nerves waiting for his respond

\- What? What do you mean? - his confusion was evident in his face, his posture, his voice but there was something else in his voice I wasn't sure what exactly it was, but it sounded like hope

\- Kelly and I split up the day we got back from Wisconsin, a month later we were divorced. Two years ago he met this girl, and they are getting married Sunday, that's it - I said shrugging my shoulders, and before any of us could say anything the suspect ran out of the building and once again we were back to work.

After catching the suspect it took about two hours before we had eyes on the killer, the guy had a hostage with knife at her throat and Adam was trying his damnedest to get him to release her, but we quickly released it wasn't going to happen and Voight gave the order for Alvin to shoot. The bad guy was down, the hostage was safe, i would say it was a good day in the end.

Around seven pm I was dressed in a tight black dress with a low cut on the front, showing part of my breast, my hair was up in a tight ponytail, I added long earrings, and strappy heels and a small clutch to finish the outfit. My makeup was as law and natural as possible I didn't want to look like a clown so I went as light as I could. The pit of my stomach was a tight knot I couldn't remember the last time I felt so nervous; the only thing was I couldn't figure out if I were nervous because of the reunion or the fact that I was going out with Jay. I walked into JJ's room to make sure he was set for bed and give him a goodnight kiss

\- Mommy you pretty - the little dark haired boy murmured sleepily

\- Thank you monkey, now go to sleep mommy loves you - I said giving him a kiss on his forehead turned on his music nightlight and walked out, going downstairs

\- You sure you want to go? - Hank asked me picking his head from the newspaper in his hand

\- I'll be okay Hank, thank you though. - I said giving him a kiss on the cheek and walked out the door. The one thing I missed to mention to my dad was the fact that my partner was going with me. I walked out of the door and was surprised to see Jay all dressed up. Dark suit, black dress shirt, he was standing next to the passenger side of a massive black 2016 GMC Sierra. He was holding a small corsage made from white Jasmines and the smile on his face was something I didn't realize how much I was missing it.

\- Halstead, you geeking out on me? - I asked trying to push my nerves aside.

\- You ready to go? - he asked ignoring my question and opened the door for me and helped me get in, ran around the front and got in and took off. The drive to the hotel where the reunion was being held was less than twenty minutes away from Voight's house

\- Don't get me wrong but why do you need me there? You are the strongest and independent woman I've ever met you don't need a babysitter - he said looking at me but paying attention to the road too

\- You don't know what kind of bitches those girls can be. - I said looking at him briefly then focused my sight on the white flowers in my lap. Soon after he parked the car in the hotel's parking lot, I reached to open my door when he grabbed my hand

\- Wait... I have something for you - he said once I looked at him, he dropped my hand and pulled his dog tags over his head, he undid the chain and the silver promise ring on it fell in his hand, my promise ring.

\- I would like you to wear it. What you tell people about me is your decision, but I'm okay being your fiancé for the night - he said sliding the ring on my finger, and he got out of the car and opened my door offering me his hand to get out. We made few steppes then turned around the corner and saw a bunch of my classmates getting out of a limo screaming and jumping and laughing I looked at them for a moment and realized I had no desire to go into that hotel, to spend even a minute of my time with those people

\- Do you want to get dinner instead? - Jay asked next to me like he was able to read my mind, which made me smile

\- Yeah, thank you - I said turning around and walked back to the car. A few minutes later we were sitting on a table in The Signature Lounge at the 96th

\- So what happened? Why do you hate those girls so much? - he asked curious sipping on his drink looking at me tilting his head sideways. I thought for a moment, looked over the city light and then returned my gaze to him

\- I don't know if I ever told you this, but when I came in the country after Justin went MIA, i had this thick accent, one of the negatives in growing up in Europe. The fact that I was from a different country, the fact that I was different made people attracted to me. They wanted to hear stories, to see photos of the various places I had visited. I quickly got used to the crowds, the popularity, and I used it, to distract myself. To mask the pain from losing my brother, the disappointment from finding out my mother had lied to me all my life. Until one night about a month before I was excepted in the academy. I was out partying, drinking the usual. Someone from the guests had brought cocaine, and I wasn't in the right space of mind. I could still see Justin everywhere, so without thinking, I excepted the offer and started snoring. All I could think of was pushing the pain away. Without realizing it, I had done too much I woke up a few days later in the ICU Hank was there he told me what happened and that if he didn't show up when he did, I would've been dead. - the look on his face, when I said made me shiver. His emerald green eyes were filled with terror, fear, sympathy and at the same time anger, a rage I've never seen before in his eyes, and I hoped from the bottom of my heart I would never do.

\- That's when Voight took you in - Jay stated, and I nodded taking a sip from my drink. I couldn't believe I was telling him all of that it was part of my life I've been most ashamed of and I've never told anybody about that it was a secret between Hank, Camille and me.

\- Hank pulled some strings and got me into the Academy although the acceptance period was over, it was pretty easy to blend in, of course, Stephanie and her group wanted me in, but I refused kept to myself I promised myself I would never be in that situation again. Somehow they were able to find out about my overdose not to mention that Stephanie was pissed at me for "stealing" Kelly from her, and pretty quickly you find out who your real friends are.

\- So who's ass you kicked first? - Jay asked raising his eyebrow, and there was a smile spreading on his lips

\- Nobodies, Hank had to make a deal with the principal if I got into a fight if I threw even one punch I was out, so I sucked it up, the good thing was it was just for another year. - I said shrugging my shoulders and moved my gaze towards the beautiful city that was outside the window.

\- Hey, for all it counts I think you are amazing and those girls don't know what they've missed - Jay said taking my hand for the second time this evening and I couldn't pretend I didn't feel the electricity that went through my body

\- Jay, we can't... - I said looking into his eyes who's color was as dark blue as an ocean in a middle of a storm

\- Let's take you home - he said getting up, he threw some cash on the table, and we left the restaurant. I hadn't realized that it was almost one in the morning by the time went outside, and I was stupid enough not to put my warmer coat on so I started shivering the moment the cold air hit the skin on my face

\- Here, you're freezing - Jay said putting his suit jacket over my shoulders and started rubbing my arms up and down until the valet brought the car. He was so close to me, and his coat around me made me feel like I was bathing in his masculine scent I had to fight the urge to close my eyes and take a deep breath. Luckily the car valet brought the car quickly, and after he had helped me in, i took a moment before he got in to take that breath. The ride back to my house was filled with stories from the past, memories we wanted to share, and for the first time in four years I felt like myself again, I felt whole, I felt free... happy.

When he parked the truck in front of the house, i had to admit I felt disappointed, to be honest, I didn't want this night to end. I needed to thank Natalie for making me do this. I took his jacket off and then started taking the ring off, but he stopped me

\- You don't have to it's yours it's always been yours - he said, and a sad smile crossed his face, I remembered the day I took it off, putting it in an envelope and sliding it under the front door of his apartment the moment I realized he was gone for good.

\- Maybe one day - I whispered putting the ring in his palm and opened the door getting out quickly

\- Defiantly! - he said without skipping a beat, and I couldn't hide the smile that spread on my lips

\- Good night Jay - I said, closed the door and ran towards the front door of my father's house. I got in, and without any surprise, i saw Hank sitting in the same spot I left him all those hours ago

\- How was the party? - he asked with his husky voice, and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes

\- It was fine... reunion like reunion, nothing special - I said and went to give him a quick hug before I head upstairs. Got to my room and after I removed the makeup and got into comfortable clothes I got into JJ's room picked the sleeping boy up and brought him to my bed, i needed him close to me tonight.

\- Sweet dreams my gorgeous boy - I whispered, put my head on top of his and quickly fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N so here is the next chapter this one is a lot darker than anything I've written before, and I have to hone it made me cry while I was drafting the last part.**

 **On other note, the next chapter will be another chapter from the past but a better one the chapter is named Wisconsin, so I hope you like it. And for those of you that are wondering when Jay will find out about JJ that will be in chapter 11 but let me tell you it isn't really what you would expect.**

 **So enjoy guys**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **August 2007**

It's been about a month since I came to Chicago and it defiantly is different I thought coming here will make things better, will help me heal instead it made it worse. Ever since I came here the nightmares got more intense, more real, I started losing grip with reality. The only thing that helped was alcohol, getting wasted. Partying till the morning, sometimes few days in a raw it helped me forget. Helped me erase the pain, not to mention that I quickly found out that girl with my looks, accent and skills could walk into a bar or a club drink whole night and walked out of it without paying even a penny.

I was able to find a small group of friends to party with Charlie and Annie were the best of them they knew the best places to party, the best products they knew the greatest recipes for memory loss which was exactly what I needed.

It was anther day in August, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you if it was in the beginning, the middle or it was the end of the month already, and by day I mean, it was something like six pm when I woke up. I was living in a small studio apartment with Annie and Charlie, but when I woke up I was alone it wasn't unusual, Annie was probably out getting food and Charlie was getting things taken care so we can have the roof over our heads. Anyway, I woke up and my first thought was to turn the stereo as loud as it was possible, yeah the hangover I had was awful, but I couldn't stand the quiet there were too many voices in it. I grabbed some underwear and a romper and walked into the bathroom. Turned on the water to heat up for a shower and grabbed few pills from the medicine cabinet popping them in my mouth. Then stripped and got into the shower, put my head against the wall and let the hot water hit my skin, I didn't even try to move or turn on the cold water when my skin started to turn bright red, I just stayed there calmly excepting the burning feeling.

It was around seven when Annie and Charlie came back, we sat down and ate dinner quietly, we didn't talk much outside of the partying, after dinner they too got showers and got changed, and we headed out to the next party. We walked into the abounded building without any problems and located the bar pretty quickly, we started with a round of shots and then moved to stronger things, and it wasn't long before I was buzzed. At that point, Annie was all over Charlie, and that was my cue to leave them and find something else or someone else to distract myself with.

\- Hey, beautiful how about I buy you a drink? - a guy whispered in my ear from behind, and I smiled,

\- How about you make it a bottle? - I asked turning around to face him. I've had seen him before, a little bit taller than me, skinny with blonde hair and brown eyes he was charming and had no resemblance to my brother it was the perfect distraction at least for tonight. His smile got bigger, and after grabbing my hand, he took off towards the bar, grabbed a bottle of something and then we were on our way to some more private place. The first chance I got snatched the bottle away from him and took a huge gulp, I could feel his eyes on me and look at him, lust was burning in his eyes, and I rolled mine then crashed my lips on his, without ever losing the grip on the bottles. He didn't need any more invitations and pushed my back against the wall, his lips released mine, and his hands started sliding up my thighs I took another gulp from the bottle and let him do whatever he wanted with my body. When he was done, I got dressed and left the room returning to the party. I drank the last of the liquid in the bottle, and when I turned the corner, there were a group of people doing coke someone offered me a rolled banknote, and against my better judgment I got on my knees and snorted a line in each nostril then got up and started walking in a random direction. I fond myself on the front porch barely able to stay on my feet when out of nowhere there were flashlights and headlights and cops with guns running past me. I couldn't keep my eyes open, nausea kicked in, and every move made me feel like I was about to puke and then I saw him. The blue eyes, the scruffy face, the lines in the corners of his eyes the look of utter disappointment

\- Justin! You're here! You're back - I said stretching my arms trying to touch him, to bring him closer, to hug him and never let him go...

\- Erin, Erin open your eyes, stay with me! CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW! - Justin was talking then he was yelling, but the voice is coming out of his mouth wasn't his. It was Hank's profound and raspy one

\- Justin, don't leave me! Don't go me, please! I need you - I begged him, cause every time I closed my eyes even if it was for a second he was slowly starting to disappear, to turn into a transparent image of what he looked like

\- I love you - his transparent figure whispered and then he was gone

\- NOOOOOOOOOOO - I started crying and shaking, and then everything around me went black.

The moment I came to, I knew that something was wrong, there was very unfamiliar and uncomfortable feeling in my mouth and throat. There was also a lot of noise, beeping and puffing, a lot of footsteps, different voices and the awful smell of sanitizer I tried moving and opening my eyes but it was like I was drained like someone had vacuumed every bit of energy my body had. When I finally opened my eyes I quickly realized where I was; reached my hand to touch my mouth just to find out that there was a tube down my throat which explained the wired feeling, then a movement in the doorway grabbed my attention. Hank walked in with a cup of coffee in his hand, and his eyes got as big as a golf ball the moment they saw mine

\- Doctor, I need a doctor here! - he yelled down the hallway, then another movement got my attention this time from inside the room, and when I turned my head to see I saw an exhausted and sleepy Camille looking at me, the moment our eyes met, her hand went straight to her lips and her eyes filled with tears.

\- Thank you, God - she said grabbing on Hank's hand for help to get up when a doctor and few nurses rushed into the room. They started frantically to check all the machines around me, the needle in my arm then me, my eyes, my reactions I raised my arm towards the tube and the doctor asked if I want it removed, I nodded. The nurse explained what was about to happen and started the procedure and in few minutes with a lot of coughing the tube was out, and I could breathe like a normal human being. The doctor asked me few questions then he sends me for some tests and then returned me to my room, where Hank and Camille were waiting for me. The doctor asked Hank to step outside, and I was left alone with Camille, but I couldn't keep my eyes open, and soon I was surrounded by darkness and once again I was face to face with my brother.

"That's not how we do things in this family" - he said. I could see the disappointment on his face he wasn't happy, and I couldn't blame him he thought me never to give up, he died protecting me, protecting my right to live and I gave up, backed out, I had a life, and I threw it away.

"I'm not strong enough, can't do this alone... I need you " - I whispered looking at the ground I couldn't meet his eyes

"You are stronger than you can even imagine and you are not alone you have Pops and Ma, lean on them, let them help you" - he said and wrapped me in his embrace

"I love you, and I'll always be with you" - he whispered in my ear and then he was gone and once again I was left alone in the darkness.

 **November 2007**

The past few months have been extremely busy for me, the Academy was keeping me very occupied and if it wasn't the Academy then it would be Kelly, i was feeling sad cause i haven't had time to stop by Camille and Hanks for weeks. After the accident they didn't leave my side, both of them made sure I was perfectly okay in every single moment. Then Hank got me in the academy, and everything changed, the first few week I came by every night, then it was every other night, and now it was like every once a month. So, i got a bottle of whiskey for Hank and cake for Camille.

\- Hello, I'm home - i said loud enough to be heard from every place in the house when i walked in

\- Kitchen! - Camille called out and i smiled when i saw her, her hands were covered with flour, she was meddling bread i put the cake on the counter and opened the oven taking in the deliciousness of the food in it

\- This looks amazing Camille - i said walking to her and giving her a kiss on the cheek

\- Thank you dear, I'm sorry i can't give you a hug right now - she said looking apologetic showing her covered hands

\- It's okay, is Hank home? - i asked in return and stole a carrot from the pile next to the sink

\- Yeah, he is in the library, working on a case - she said nodding toward the door on the other side of the dining room. I nodded and headed towards the door, i knocked lightly but there was no answer so, i walked in, Hank wasn't there but there were files on his desk and i got curious. I started reading some of the pages when i stumbled on a photo that made my heart stop. I was staring at the picture when the door opened and Hank's raspy voice startled me

\- Hey, kiddo I'm glad to see you .. - he said walking in and opening his arms to hug me, but i interrupted him

\- You lied to me! - i said slowly raising my voice

\- Careful kid - he said and his face got this grave and stern look

\- You told me you didn't know me, then why the hell you have a picture of my mother from before i was born? - i asked picking up the photo and showing it to him. He looked at it with confusion

\- What are you talking about this is Bunny Fletcher she was a crack whore i arrested twenty something years ago - he said pointing to the photograph, i turned it around again and looked at it

\- That crack whore is my mother Barbara Alan Fletcher, now known as Barbara van Adden - i said and dropped myself into his chair.

\- Are you sure? - Hank asked and the lines between his eyebrows were more visible than before, i could see the wheels turning in his head.

\- Yeah i can recognize my own mother - i said and pulled my phone from my pocket and looked through the gallery and found a photo from my first birthday, with the cake in front of me, and Barbara and Hendrick on both my sides, and handed Hank the phone.

\- You tell me - i said and moved next to the window i tried imagine my mother all mighty Barbara van Addens as a crack whore selling her body for the next fix. i couldn't imagine it it was too bizarre, she was member of bunch of charities, she was always with the perfect outfit, perfect hair, nails she was like a model from one of those damn magazines but there was no mistake, the woman in the photograph was the same woman that gave birth to me, I've seen to many of those photos in the magazines back in Amsterdam.

\- That's defiantly her. Wait a minute i arrested her in June 1987, turned her informant and then used her to get me in on a big bust in July and she was put in WITSEC in August and you were born in April, nine months after the undercover assignment - he was thinking out loud but his train of thoughts got my attention i looked at him in disbelief

\- You've slept with her! - it wasn't a question it was a statement, the only reasonable explanation about this whole situation

\- i had to do it, we were under surveillance and i couldn't let the mission fell through it was too important. I'm not proud of it but i had to do what i had to do - he said sitting down in his chair

\- So not only my mother was a crack whore but there is also a chance that you are my biological father... How am i supposed to go out and look Camille in the eyes knowing this. Knowing that you've cheated on her and that I'm a prove of that infidelity? - i asked looking at the door, Camille has always accepted me as her daughter, as a part of her family, and now I'll be a reminder of a mistake her husband had made

\- She already knows... about me sleeping with Bunny i mean, i told her the moment i got back, i don't keep secrets from my wife Erin. And as to how you would look her in the eyes, you'll do it the same way you've been doing it the past twelve years. For now we won't tell her about our suspicions until we do a DNA test and make sure that it's true - he said matter of factly, when the door opened

\- Hey, you two wash up, dinner is served - Camille said with a genuine smile on her face and left the library as quickly as she came in

 **January 2010**

 **Chicago MED**

My dad Hank had called me about twenty minutes ago, he told me that Camille was in Chicago MED and things didn't look good. It was the call that i dreaded the most, ever since they told me that Camille has cancer i was terrified to get that phone call but i was more terrified of the thought that she would die and i wouldn't be able to say my goodbye just like my brother. So when Hank called i wake Kelly up and without even changing, just into my pajama pants, sweatshirt and sneakers we got to the hospital as quickly as humanly possible. Hank was in the waiting room passing back and forth and for the first time in my life i saw actual tears in his eyes

\- Dad, I'm so, so sorry how is she? - i asked giving him a hug and trying to be strong for him although i was falling apart inside

\- Bad, she is so pale, she can barely speak, the doctors are making some tests but they didn't look optimistic - he said and his raspy voice was even raspier and his whole demeanor had changed, he was broken and there was nothing that anyone could do to help him at this moment. The next few hours were nightmare, doctors and medical staff was coming in and out but no one said anything, no one knew what was going on with Camille, how were her test going, nothing. It was something like three hours later when her doctor came in to talk to us, but the news were worse than what we've expected, what he said was that there was nothing they could do for her but to keep her as comfortable as possible and that it wouldn't be much longer before she was gone. After that he and Hank went to her room to talk with her, the doc gave her a bunch of medicine and then send us home. That was Camille's last wish to die at home, in her own bed , so Hank made sure he gave her what she wanted, around noon we were back in the Voight's house, Camille was resting in her bed and Hank was making phone calls letting people know, giving them the chance to say their fare walls. I felt so lost in this moment, this woman meant so much to me, she was more my mother than the woman that gave birth to me, and even after she found out that i was her husband's bastard child she still loved me and accepted me with all her heart.

\- Hey you beautiful girl - she whispered when i walked in and although extremely week she managed to give me this amazing huge smile, she patted the spot on the bed next to her and i climbed in curled into a ball and put my head on her thigh

\- It's not fair you can't die - i cried and the husk in my voice got even deeper

\- Oh, beautiful girl, don't cry - she whispered and started caressing my hair

\- Listen to me, i want you to know how proud I'm of you, and how grateful I'm for having you in my life and to thank you for letting me be your mother. - she started saying and with every word my cry got heavier

\- Shh, it's okay, i need you to promise me something tough - she said and i nodded unable to get my head up from her lap

\- Anything - i promised without knowing what she was going to ask of me, but at the same time i knew her and i was sure that it wasn't going to be a problem whatever she wanted

\- Make sure Hank is okay, don't let him bury himself in grieve or his work, like he did after Justin. Promise me you'll be there for him, you are his only family and he'll need you just as much as you'll need him.

\- I promise, he'll never be alone - i said wiping the tears from my face and turning around so my face was still in her lap but i was able to see hers

\- And one more thing, please be happy, don't let anything pull you down, you are strong and beautiful and if Kelly ever forget's that, if he ever treats you bad don't be afraid to leave and find happiness somewhere else. Remember Bubba and i love you more than anything in this world and we're always going to be with you and dad

\- Hi, beautiful - Hank said walking into the room and taking a seat on the other side of Camille, the smile that showed up on her face when she saw him, i couldn't compare it to anything I've ever seen in my life. Don't get me wrong i love my husband and i believe he loves me back but I've never seen such smile, such gaze filled with so much love in my entire life.

\- Hi, handsome - she whispered and creased his face, he hugged her with all the power he had, and put one hand on my head, she returned his half hug and put her other hand on my face

\- I LOVE YOU both so, so much - she whispered and smiled taking a big breath and then she was gone, her arms went limp, her chest went stale and her heart stopped it's rhythmic movements and in that moment Hank and i started crying with all we had.

It was a cold, cold January day in Chicago, even the sky didn't feel like smiling, the clouds were hovering over us, the sky was gray, and the snow was slowly falling to the ground, dozens of people dressed in black were slowly making their way in the gloomy cemetery. I was holding Hank so tightly that it felt like my leather gloves were about to snap, I wasn't crying for once, but I could swear it was because there were no tears left in my body. It's been four days since Camille Voight died and I just now had stopped crying, Hank's face was blank, just like the day he told me about Justin. We made our way to the place where Camille was going to spend the rest of eternity, right next to the empty grave that belonged to her son. The ceremony was like any other I had zoned out most of it staring blankly in the gravestone  
"Justin Alexander Voight  
SGT  
US Army Ranger  
June 3ed 1982  
Sep 2nd 2006  
Sua Sponte"

So vague, so meaningless and at the same time so much more, and now there was going to be another white marble stone with Camille's name on it. The ceremony was towards its end Hank got up and put the red rose on her coffin, and they started to lower it into the ground, everybody tossed their flower one after the other and a handful of soil, then all of them said their condolences and headed out. I was standing there next to the grave staring into the coffin, while they started to cover it with the soil.

"I promise I'll make you proud, now go be with Justin he needs you too" - I whispered and let Kelly pull me towards the car without saying another word.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N So guys I believe we deserve some Linstead love and fluff after last night's episode so here is something small from me it still follows the story which is awesome and gives us much-needed comfort**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **March 2012**

The day was unusual, it was just the middle of March, but the temperature hit the eighties. Kelly surprisingly got home on time and not drunk; I think that was the first time since Shay's death and it gave me hope that he was doing better and then maybe just maybe the man I fell in love with was coming back. So the day had started pretty well, I had the morning shift at the RIC, so I put on a white t-shirt, pair of green jeans, green sneakers and my leather jacket and headed out but not before I got a kiss from my husband.

To say that my mood was uplift was an understatement, for the first time in almost a year, I couldn't wait to finish work and get home. I had all those ideas running in my mind, like different ideas for dinner, maybe one or two romantic ideas how to spend the night considering it was Kelly's night off. Work has gotten a lot easier since Staff Sergeant Jay Halstead was released a few days ago. For a bit over two months he had managed to regain complete control over his body, he was walking by himself, physically he was completely healed, and except few nightmares here and there his mind was healed too.

The truth was that even though he was the most stubborn patient I've ever had to deal with he was also the most pleasing recovery. But there was something else in the time I had to work with him I had let myself develop feelings towards him. I had gotten close to him, and if I had to be completely honest with myself, there were times where I would be laying in my bed thinking what would my life be if I was married to Jay Halstead instead of Kelly. But for the life of me, I couldn't pinpoint what exactly was attracting me towards the shaggy-haired, long bearded guy with emerald green eyes and freckled face.

It was a little before lunch time, and I was making sure that all the patients in the outdoor cafeteria were taken care of when someone called my name, but I didn't pay attention to it since I was sure it was just my imagination playing tricks on me

\- Nightmare - this time I had to look around, there was only one person in this world who used this word as a nickname, at first I didn't notice him, then my eyes found him, and I almost dropped the tray in my hand. The shaggy hair, the long beard they were gone, just like the baggy sweats that I had gotten used to seeing him in. Instead in front of me, there was this tall, charming but mysterious guy. His hair was short on the sides and a bit longer on the top just enough to run my fingers through it, and it was pushed to the right side, his previously crazy long beard was replaced with a stubble that was giving his face this unbelievable hotness, he smiled at me, and the smile grew wider with every moment passing, which made me blush, I was staring at him, and for a moment I felt like I was back in high school watching the popular kid.

\- Hi - after the long stare that was all I was able to say, I didn't trust myself, my voice, my body at this moment I wasn't in control.

\- Hi - he responded, and I heard whispers, and someone nudged me towards him, I looked back and put the tray on the table where it was supposed to go and the older couple sitting there smiled at me and nodded towards Jay telling me to go.

\- Hi.. Ugh... Hello, How are you? What are you doing here? - at first, i didn't know what exactly to say, but once I got over the shock, i started asking questions. I didn't know what to do to offer my hand to give him a hug, but he took the matter in his hands and made the final step to reach me and wrapped me in his arms for a tight hug. The moment we touched I could feel electricity going through me, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath taking in his perfume, his scent then stepped away

\- I keep my promises I brought you lunch and came to say goodbye - he said showing me a brown paper bag, then he pointed towards a small table next to us and e both took our places opposite each other

\- Wisconsin? When are you leaving? - I asked accepting the black food container and opened it to find a deliciously looking piece of salmon and fantastic looking green salad with apple and bacon bites and what looked to be caramelized walnuts. When Jay said he was saying goodbye I wasn't surprised, the days before his release he was saying that he plan on spending some time at his grandfather's cabin up in Wisconsin and although his information didn't come as a surprise it made me feel sad and heartbroken

\- Yeah, I talked with my brother, and since he is not planning on going there anytime soon I thought it was the perfect time for me to do so - he said and started eating the food he had brought for himself. We spent the next hour talking about his trip, his plans about what was he going to do there. We talked about the food, about my patients, the day even the topic of Kelly came up.

\- I hope he goes back to be the man you fell in love with for your sake - Jay said once I mentioned Kelly's behavior this morning

\- I hope so too; I don't know how much more I would have been able to take otherwise - I admitted. For the past few months I couldn't stop hearing Camille's last words "Please be happy, don't let anything pull you down, you are strong and beautiful and if Kelly ever forget's that, if he ever treats you bad don't be afraid to leave and find happiness somewhere else." He was throwing our life, our marriage away and I wasn't sure how long I would think of last

\- You are stronger than you think and I don't see you gave up quickly otherwise I wouldn't be here at the moment but you don't deserve the way he was treating you, no one does. - he said with a sad smile. But there was something else in his eyes, anger, frustration even a little bit of disappointment and I couldn't help but feel flattered, although we weren't together, although we barely knew each other he was angry with a man who didn't treat me right, he was feeling protective over me.

\- Thank you.. but I have to get back to work - I said looking at the clock behind him and stood up

\- Yeah, and I need to finish packing - he responded getting up too, he grabbed the empty containers and throw then into the trash then once again he was standing in front of me, so close that I could've to smell his scent

\- Well drive safe and have fun - I said stretching my arms and hugging him, I had to raise on my toes to be able to put my chin on his shoulder, I was so small in comparison to him than when he hugged me his arms could almost surround me twice

\- Thank you! Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for pushing me, thank you for saving my life I'll never forget it - he whispered in my ear then pulled away, gave me a kiss on the cheek, turned around and left me standing there, staring at his retrieving figure.

The rest of my shift went fast, and in a haze, i couldn't get Jay Halstead off of my mind, the way he looked, the way he smelled, the way my body felt wrapped in his arms, his lips next to my ear. Never in my life, i've ever thought that someone can have such control over me, which with such an insentient gestures he would make my body shiver and my mind go blank.

By the time the shift ended, I had come up with a plan. I was going to go to the mall by me some new sexy underwear and a new outfit. I was going to call our favorite restaurant to order dinner and I was coming back to work, taking a shower in the nurses station and get ready and on my way home I was going to pick up the food and surprise Kelly. By the time I made it back, it was six o'clock in the afternoon, and I was pretty excited. Kelly's car was in its spot in the parking lot, so I walked into our small one bedroom apartment with a smile on my face, but I wasn't prepared for what was waiting for me on the other side of the door. I went to put the bag with food on the kitchen counter and almost felled face first tripping on Kelly's shoes. I put the bag down and looked around; there was a path of clothes going from the front door to the bedroom. But what shocked me and made my heart sink was the fact it wasn't just my husband's clothes, there was a tank top, shorts, high heels and bra on the floor too. I followed the path and opened the door to my bedroom to find what I was suspecting - Kelly was in our bed not with one but with two girls. I lost my balance and fell backward hitting the door into the wall behind me which grabbed the attention of the tree people in my bed

\- Erin! - Kelly said shocked; the girls quickly covered themselves, he started getting out of the bed when I turned around and ran out of the room, snatched my purse and keys from the kitchen counter and ran out of the door before Kelly even had the chance to stop me. At this point I couldn't think straight, I got into my car and speeded out of the garage.

It was somewhere between three and four in the morning; I was sitting in a bar, drunk like never before. My hair was a mess, my high heels were on the bar next to me, I couldn't even imagine what my makeup looked like but I had difficulties keeping my eyes open when I felt a hand on my back, and it made me jump.

\- Hey, hey it's okay you are safe - he whispered and pushed my hair back

\- Jay! - was all I could say, I felt his strong arms around me, and my head found the space under his chin and then everything disappeared, in an instead the whole world vanished, and it was just him and me.

\- Let's take you home - he said helping me get up and out of the door and into his dark blue Bronco.

I opened my eyes in unfamiliar place, i tried to move but every movement was making the pain in my head pulsate and the nausea to remind me why it wasn't a good idea to drink. My gaze fell onto the nightstand and the tall glass of water and the small bottle of Advil next to it, i took few and laid back taking in the new surroundings, when i heard a noise coming from the other side of the door. I got up very slowly and was surprised to find myself dressed only in my undies, no dress, no corset, I looked around and saw both on the chair in the corner of the room but didn't bother with them instead walked into the closet and grabbed a shirt to put on. It was a bit too big, enough to reached the middle of my thighs and the sleeve was falling off one shoulder. Memories from last night started making their way into my mind, and soon I wished I had more alcohol on hand. I slowly made my way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen/living/dining room where I found one very awake and very busy Jay Halstead making breakfast

\- Good morning - he said, without moving his attention from the mixing bowl in his hands

\- Thank you for saving me, hope you don't mind, but I didn't feel like getting dressed - I said pointing to his shirt covering my body, and for the first time this morning he looked at me and smiled

\- No problem, sit, make yourself at home - he nodded towards the dining table, and I did what I was told. For a few minutes, it was quiet, no one said anything, I was looking around, and Jay was making what looked like breakfast for a whole battalion, not two people. When he was done, he put the food on the table, brought two cups of coffee and two glasses of orange juice and took a seat next to me

\- So you ready to tell me what happened? - he asked cautiously taking a bite from the pile of pancakes on his plate

\- I got home, and I found them in my bed... - I said there, there was no need for more information. The moment the words left my mouth his emerald green eyes turned to dark blue like an ocean in the middle of a storm. His fist was clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white, he looked like he smelled blood, like if Kelly Severide was here right now, he was going to be a dead man

\- I'm not going back - I said, and that seemed to calm him down for a moment

\- What do you plan to do? - he asked, and I had to take a moment to think

\- Take few days off go somewhere I can't face him right now, and I can't tell my dad to cause he will kill him.. Dad, fuck - I said jumping up. If Kelly had called him, he probably had the whole police force out looking for me by now

\- Don't worry I called him; he knows you're fine - Jay said and pointed towards my phone on the kitchen counter, but that only freaked me out even more

\- I told him you had few drinks with coworkers and that I dropped you and Maggie at her place - he said, and I could see a faint smile spreading on hi lips

\- You are a life saver you know that? - I asked, and he laughed I sat back down and took few more bites of food before I remembered another thing about yesterday

\- Damn it, Jay, i'm so sorry you were supposed to be on your way to Wisconsin by now. I'm sorry! I'll get dressed and get out - I said getting up before he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down

\- Don't worry about it Wisconsin will still be there tomorrow or next week - he said, and this time the smile on his face was bigger and more genuine

\- I appreciated it, but you need to go and have fun, not deal with my issues - I said and this time managed to go into the bedroom I closed the door and quickly changed and returned looking around for the rest of my things

\- Come with me! - He said, and I stopped in my track. Jay got up and stepped in front of me putting his hands on my shoulders

\- Come with me to Wisconsin, you said it yourself you need to get out, and I would like the company, the cabin is big enough for both of us. You will have your room if you want we may not even see each other - he said shrugging st his last comment. I looked into his eyes, and without realizing it, I had started to nod.

 **Wisconsin**

 **March 11th, 2012**

It's been a bit over a week since Staff Sergeant Jay Halstead, and I came to his grandfather cabin in Northern Wisconsin. To be honest, when he told me about the cabin I imagined a small rustic wooden house, but I had blown away when we arrived the place was huge. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, separated laundry room, big kitchen with the as big living room, sun room, huge balcony through the whole length of the house, a fire pit and even a dock. I had to stop at the local store to buy myself clothes since I didn't have any plans on going back to the apartment and my to go bag didn't have enough clothes to last me. The past week had been more than what I would've expected. At first, I was in a terrible mind space but spending time in nature, away from everyone, and everything and with Jay was more than therapeutic. For the first time in months, years I felt like myself, like the person I used to be before all the heartbreak, before Justin's disappearance, before Camille's dead before Shay's dead and Kelly's change.

It was early evening, Jay was chopping wood for the fireplace, and I was sitting on the couch in front of the fire with a cup of hot cocoa and my phone. I had finally decided to turn it back on, and there was tons of messages waiting on me, some from my dad, few from work and a dozen from Kelly. I had told Hank that I'm leaving town for few weeks I didn't explain to him what exactly had happened with Kelly. All I said was that I needed time away. I had no issues getting time off from the RIC they were just calling to check on me, let me know that another one of my patients was successfully released and then it was Kelly, begging me to call him back, apologizing, asking for forgiveness and then there were the drunken once. I listened to all the messages, and after that, i called Kelly, he picked up almost immediately

\- Hey, it's me. No you listen it's over, you and me we've been fooling each other, I want a divorce - i didn't give him a chance to talk, to explain, to change my mind i told him what I needed to and then hanged up, i set my phone on the side table next to me and took a sip from my hot cocoa focusing my attention on the flames playing in the fireplace.

\- Hey, you okay? - Jay asked walking in with bunch of wood in his hands, he dropped them in front of the fire, put few in and the rest put in a pile next to it for later

\- Wanna you talk about it? - he asked and sat down on the couch next to me.

\- Not really - I said and put the mug on the table next to me. I leaned back and realized how close Jay was, our shoulders were touching, he put his hand on my calf and moved my legs over his lap, and our gazes met. At first, i could see the concern in his, but it quickly changed to desire, and then lust, and without breaking eye contact he moved closer to me, and his lips were on top of mine. It was a small kiss then Jay pulled away and looked at me we took a breath, and his hand cradled my chin and kissed me again this time it was more forceful, more passionate, and I didn't stop him, on the contrary, i kissed him back. Things escalated pretty quickly after that, he kicked the small coffee table farther way from the couch, and we ended up on the floor, rapidly taking each other's clothes of. What started as a rushed and passionate exchange soon turned into a slower and more intimate encounter. Jay had pulled the plush blanket from the couch to cover our naked bodies and had proceeded with covering my entire body with attention, small kisses, bites, tongue play or sucking on my skin he was making my body shiver, my skin tingle and my heart beat faster than ever before.

And at that moment there was only one thing that I was sure of and that was that Staff Sergeant Jayson Nathaniel Halstead was going to be the dead of me.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N So guys Chapter 11 we're about to find out a little bit more about Jay and Erin's history and Jay finds out the big secret or maybe just part of it.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **I do not own the Chicago franchise nor the characters.**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **March 2016**

It's been about two months since Jayson Halstead or like he prefers Jay, started working in Intelligence and that's probably the hardest two months of my life, i don't thing even my marriage to Severide was this difficult. At this point i don't know what is more exhausting, keeping the fact that we have a past from Hank and the rest of the team or the existence of our three year old son from Jay. Ever since i told Nat about working with Jay she has been trying to convince me to tell him the truth and every time i try nothing comes out. Actually now thinking about it the most difficult thing is keeping a secret the fact that once upon a time I've had a thing with my partner and he is the father of my son from my dad who also happens to be my boss and a damn good cop. So yeah those two month were hell but i wouldn't give it up for anything or almost anything.

Today was a slow one we spend most of the day catching up on paperwork until we got a call from Chief Boden from firehouse 51, they had caught something on a call, so Hank and i headed down there to see why were we called in.

\- So, what do we got? - i asked walking into the basement with Hank and Kelly, since Kelly was the one who found whatever brought us here he

\- It fell out of the guy's hands when he was pulled out - he said mentioning towards a wooden box on the floor, under the broken window, there were photographs spread all around it, very disturbing photographs if you ask me. We asked questions, made sure everything was by the book, i picked up a photo and looked at it and my stomach turned seeing the almost naked young girl on the picture, she looked so scared, dirty and unhealthy, not that i expected anything else but it still was a shock. One of the CSI's picked up the box and more photographs were visible under it and i felt like i was about to throw up, Hank didn't look very different from me he had that expression like he was about to kill somebody and that wasn't a good sign.

It was later that day, everybody had gone home it was only Hank and i in the bullpen, he was finishing some stuff and i was separating the pictures from the box, trying to separate the victims when he walked out of his office putting his jacket on

\- Oh, my god - i said looking back at the stack of photographs in my hands the boy on the picture was a familiar face, a face i haven't seen in a long time, Hank came towards me and looked over my shoulder

\- Oh, my god - he repeated looking at the photograph I was holding, and his face went grim. He put his hand on my back and crouched next to me, I put the picture down and leaned back into my chair i needed a minute, i wasn't prepared for what was staring me from the paper on my desk

\- When was the last time you've seen him? - Hank asked and his voice was even deeper and raspier then usual, i could tell he was as shocked as me

\- Ugh... six years ago, the day i woke up from the coma after i OD'd, he left for New York the next day - i explained, still in shock.

\- Do you know how old was he in that photo? - Hank asked looking between the picture and me, at this point i was crying, he came closer and hugged me tighter, telling me that he'll sent me to New York, to work with the detectives from the SVU unit and i closed my eyes. Hank managed to convince me to go home, to spend the night with my boy and he promised to book me the first flight to New York in the morning.

The night was sleepless and filled with memories, what if's and guild for not paying more attention, for not trying to get a hold of him for the past six years. The first thing in the morning was to call the detectives in New York, Amanda Rollins picked up the phone, i didn't bother with pleasantries and cut to the chase, she asked about my connection to the boy from the photograph and i explained to her that the boy's name was Victor Martinez was a very good friend of mine more like a brother, she promised to get to the bottom of it but there was no way i was going to sit on the sideline so, i asked to join the investigation in New York, and she agreed. After hanging up i packed a bag quickly made sure that Antonio wouldn't mind watching JJ for the time i'm in NY since he was supposed to be off the next two days and then i headed out, dropped my son at Antonio's and then went straight to the airport, only to be surprised with no other then Jay Halstead waiting on me

\- Look Ellie i'm sorry - he started but i interrupted him by going straight into his embrace i didn't care about the past, or present, if someone was going to see us or not i needed the comfort of his body, his masculine scent i needed him. Soon we boarded the plane and were seated next to each other with me being closer to the window, although i didn't care for the view i had my nose into the case files Mouse had sent to my tablet.

\- Can was Recalled to Active Duty - Jay blurred out of nowhere about thirty minutes into the flight

\- What? - i asked confused, my mind wasn't there and his confession just made it more confusing than it actually was

\- Four years ago, they had sent me a letter when we were in Wisconsin, i had to report for duty the day after we got back - he explained and i had to close my eyes for a moment rubbing my forehead, trying to wrap my head around it. I remember the day he was talking about like it was yesterday, after spending almost a month in his family cabin in Wisconsin we had decided that it was time to go back to Chicago and take care of things. He had dropped me off at mine and Severide's place since i needed to get my things out of there so, i can move with Jay to Wisconsin after i got my divorce finalized. I also remember the next day when i was calling Jay, i went to his place and he was gone, no phone call, no message, not even a letter nothing like he never existed just poof and he was gone.

\- Why are you telling me this? - i asked desperately trying to stay focus on the mission and at the same time wanting to hear more, wanting to understand, to know if Nat was right that there was a reason behind his disappearance that had nothing to do with his feeling towards me

\- Because you deserve the truth Ellie, you need to know that it wasn't your fault, just like Justin's disappearance, like the falling apart of your marriage with the fireman, just like what happened to Victor - he said turning sideways so he can look me straight into my eyes

\- I do... - i started to protest but he interrupted me

\- Yes you do, you are forgetting that i know the real you Ellie, the vulnerable girl behind the mask, the girl who spent weeks making sure that a stubborn, self destructive soldier heals and walks again, the girl who spend all those nights in Wisconsin putting a brave face although she was breaking inside. - He countered me and with every word coming out of his mouth i was getting this overwhelming need to kiss him. And i almost gave in, but then i saw his eyes, the emerald green filled with love eyes and all i could think about was a different pair of emerald green eyes, once that belong to a small freckled faced three year old. Luckily we were interrupted by the flight attendant offering us drinks, i got myself a bottle of water and got comfortable in my seat, closed my eyes and willed the sleep to take me, i was going to need it for whatever we were about to face in NY.

 **New York**

The truth was that i expected to be bad, i just didn't expected to be as bad as it was, the SVU team had discovered a link between the pictures and a video ring that's been sex trafficking kids for over a decade, and somehow my friend Victor had gotten himself mixed into it. We met with detectives Tutuola, Rollins, Amaro and their Sergeant Olivia Benson and we put on the table all the information we had gathered till this moment and there were no good news, it all looked pretty grim. The NY team head no leads on Victor, no hits in any of the databases. After the briefing, Benson, Amaro, Jay and i went to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, where we were introduced to a video to the next victim the pedophilia ring with the name of "Chess & Checkers Club", the boy was no more then thirteen years old, he was terrified, he was crying and begging his capture to let him go and the worst of all was that there was no way to trace the video, or the place he was kept.

For hours we were hitting dead ends, we were about to call it a night when Detective Tutuola got our attention towards his computer and what was a juvie record for Vector, but the name on the record wasn't Victor Martinez it was Victor Voight.

\- Voight? - Jay asked raising both eyebrows; he was surprised I didn't tell him, or anybody how exactly i got to know Vic

\- Yeah, they knew each other... that's him, that's Victor - i said looking at the monitor, i didn't need anymore questions it wasn't the time, nor place for the questions Jay wanted to ask.

Everyone scattered chasing leads, but Olivia made me stay at the precinct, trying to talk with me, i couldn't wait to go out there and look for my friend especially after Jay called telling me that they may have a possible whereabouts of Victor, unfortunately the place didn't get to life until midnight so all we could do was wait. It was close to two in the morning when Jay and the NY detectives came back to the precinct with Victor, or what looked like the boy i used to know. I walked out of Olivia's office and met him in the middle of the bullpen, there was nothing left from the boy i used to know, his once blond hair was brown now, his face was covered with thick beard, his lips and eyelids covered with makeup, his eyes were dead, and his clothes... they were whatever you would expect from a hooker. When he first saw me it was like he didn't recognize me, then he made started talking and it was like a razor blades were cutting my skin, there was so much hate in his words, so much condescending, he refused to talk with me, with anybody actually. It was hours, following more leads, more talks until Victor finally started talking, he was broken, i never have imagine the strong and sweet boy that saved my life to turn into this broken, dark mined boy. Victor was able to help us identify one of the bad guys and Olivia, Jay and I went to arrest him, of course it wasn't going to be easy and the arrest soon turned into a chase i was catching up to him when out of nowhere a bicycler knocked me down making me hit the ground pretty hard. I heard Jay saying that they got him and tried to get up, but everything was spinning i reached forward trying desperately to grab on Jay for support but he was too far away, i staggered and touched the back of my head

\- Ellie, you okey? - he asked and i brought my hand back in front to me to reveal that my fingers were covered with blood

\- El... - Jay said and grabbed me the moment my legs gave up under me and i felt for a second time, although this time i swear i could see stars i was taken to the ER, thinking that they should make me a VIP considering how often i ended up there. After bunch of tests, imaging and few stitches i was given a room and an ice pack for my head, Jay was sitting in the seat in the corner of the room when Hank walked in, looking concern as every time something was wrong with me or his grandson.

\- Dad, you flew in for nothing, i'm fine i'm going back in - i stated being completely serious, but i knew very well that it wasn't going to be that easy to convince him

\- You got a concussion, you're going back to Chicago, spend some time with your son - he said it and i cringed inwardly seeing Jay's eyes focus on me the moment the word "your son" left my dad's lips.

\- Hank, what happens to Victor? - i asked trying to convince him to let me finish what i came here to do, and hoping that Jay will forget what he had just heard

\- You did your job, now is my turn to do what is wright, i should've looked after him it's on me. You're going back to Chicago and i don't want you at the office for at lest the next twenty four hours Antonio will be waiting for you at the airport - he stated, but i wasn't listening to him, i was focused on the guy behind him and the way his face changed the when Antonio's name was mentioned, it was like a dark shade fall on it, i couldn't figure out what was going trough his head at this moment and was left with that question when Hank told him he is to escort me to the airport and he left the room under the excuse that he needs to grab my things from the hotel.

Few hours later i was back home in Chicago, just like Hank said, Antonio was waiting for me at the airport with my gorgeous baby boy, he took us home and made sure i didn't move from my bed, JJ was extremely happy to have me all to himself for the entire day. Later on Antonio made us dinner and then we got settled on the couch watching a movie until we all fell asleep. The next day started worse then the previous on the burning victim that began the whole investigation got shot in his hospital bed with the police officer that was guarding him, both Antonio and i went into work leaving JJ at the daycare. We all got together in the bullpen exchanged the information we had and got separated chasing different leads, Amaro, Rollins, Ruzek and i went to the DCF checking files for a possible member of the pedophilia ring. Jay, Atwater and Rixton were working the murder scene of the DCF worker we were investigating. Jay hasn't said a word to me ever since he found out i had a son and that was making me feel uneasy.

During the investigation, we found a little girl, whose foster father was part of the ring. And he shot himself while Rollins and I tried to arrest him and refused to let that girl go back to DCF until we knew who we could trust so Hank and Sergeant Trudy Platt made sure I could take her home with me. I made sure to let her know she was safe, taken care of, and that I would be there for her no matter what would happen in the future.

The next day i finally got in contact with Victor and he agreed to help us identified as many people involved as possible, so i took him in the office introduced him to the rest of my team and luckily he was able to point us to the big boss almost immediately. It came as a surprise that he head of the pedophile ring was the head of the DCF office at that point we had enough to arrest him, and with join effort from Hank and Olivia he admitted everything, we were able to safe the missing boy and close the ring once and for all.

We got back to the precinct jut in time to salute the wife and daughter of out fallen colleague; Victor's family came back to Chicago to make sure their son was safe and that he would never have to go through all the horrible things he has been suffering for the past years.

At the end of the shift we were able to find a lovely family that wanted to adopt both kids we were able to safe. It had been long few days, Hank had left with Olivia, Rollins and Amaro were back at the hotel and the rest of my team was getting ready to flee their desks. Jay was putting his jacket on but i couldn't miss the looks he was trowing my way, he still hasn't said a word to me and that was getting really wired. I was just about to go and talk with him when i heard the guys cheering just to look up and see Antonio climbing the stairs with JJ in his arms

\- Momma! - the little dark haired boy screeched when he saw me and wiggled himself out of Antonio's embrace running full speed towards me, i knelt down and picked him up giving him a big hug.

\- You okey? How's the head? - Antonio asked coming next to me and checking my head, and for a moment i saw Jay's face and i could swear there was anger written all over it, but before i could make sure he was running down the stairs fallowed by Mouse.

\- Come on lets go, i'll take you guys home - Antonio said with his usual smile, i grabbed my jacket and fallowed him with JJ still in my arms, out of the district and into his car but for the life of me i couldn't get Jay's expression out of my mind.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Okay guys here is a new chapter it's something I enjoyed writing, and I hope you like it**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **April 2nd, 2017**

It was a scary evening; the rain was pouring over the city like someone had turned on the faucet, the thunders were deafening, echoing through town like gunshots and lightning chasing them turning night into a bright day in a second. I was sitting in the rocking chair in JJ's room with my three-year-old boy cuddled in my lap fast asleep, the rain was helping me think, helping me remember things and there was a lot to think about.

Ever since the case in NY, Jay has been distancing himself, barely talking or looking at me. Most of the time he would go out with Adam or Alvin, leaving me with Kim or Kenny and don't get me wrong I like both of them, but they aren't my partner, they aren't Jay. I thought it would get better that maybe he was just angry with me that I hadn't told him about my son, another part of me thought that maybe he found out the truth and doesn't want anything to do with me or his son. After a few days of silence, I decide to try and talk with him to no end

 _" Jay I'm your partner... talk to me" - we were in the break room, getting coffee and alone for the first time since NY_

 _"You wouldn't understand... Look I don't wanna tiptoe around you at work. That's not us. I think I just... need some time right now." he said and walked away not giving me a chance to say a word._

That was a week ago, and things are not any better now, even Hank started asking questions, and I had no idea how to answer them. I looked at JJ's relaxed sleeping face and smiled lightly he looked o much like his dad it was scary, sometimes it made me feel like he is more Jay's son than mine. When I first saw Jay in Intelligence all those months ago, I was terrified of him being there, being my partner and now I'm terrified of him not being there. For some reason I couldn't settle down, there was a wired feeling in the pit of my stomach that doesn't wanna go away, and I didn't like it. I looked out of the window one more time, then got up and carefully put the sleeping boy in his bed, covered him with the blanket and left the room carefully not to wake him up.

\- Hey, dad, would you mind keeping an ear for JJ I need to take care of something - I asked when I made it down the stairs,

\- At this time? - he asked looking first at his watch and then at the weather outside

\- Yeah, it's important - I responded and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before I ran towards the door, grabbed my keys and phone from the table next to the door and ran out. I didn't bother to change or grab a jacket, so my black legging and gray long sleeve shirt were already soaked by the time I made it into my car, but I could care less at this moment.

In about thirty minutes I was in front of his apartment building, I turned off the engine and sat there. I was so determent to face him to talk with him and to get everything out of my chest, but now that I was here, standing few feet from his door I was losing my nerve. Then all the reasons I got fired up in the first place started popping in my head fueling the fire once again. I got the key out of the ignition and got out of the car, hit the button to lock it and ran across the street, quickly got into the building and went straight to the elevator. It was taking too long so, I ran the stairs, being honest, I wasn't thinking clear, if I were I would probably consider the possibility of him not being alone. Maybe he had a girlfriend, maybe he was married, there was a lot, I didn't know and I particularly in a job like better than anyone that people keep secrets especially with a job like ours.

It took me no more than few minutes to reach the fourth floor and here I was standing in front of a gray door, one last deep breath, and I banged on the door. One.. two.. three .. it took about five blows before the door flew open and I was standing face in face with a very pissed of pair of emerald green eyes

\- What the hell Lindsay? - he said, but I could see his anger turning into irritation, and he was slowly calming down

\- I can ask you the same thing, Halstead! - I yelled back and pushed passed him into his apartment. It was absolutely the same as the last time I was here, and somehow that made me happy. I didn't know what I was expecting maybe I was hoping I wouldn't find woman's clothes everywhere or pictures and flowers, no sign of a feminine touch and that made me realize that the idea of him having a girlfriend, of another woman in his bed was it making me nauseous.

\- You have no right to do this to me! You make your way in my life you vanish without the world, no phone call, no text message, no e-mail or even a freaking letter, nothing you have no idea what I went through! I looked everywhere for you, hospitals, morgues, police departments, rehab facilities, even the military but I got jack! I spend two weeks in Wisconsin, visiting every place we went, going to the cabin twice a day hoping I'll run into you, praying that you are alive but I found nothing. You have no idea the pain, and then four years later you pop up out of the blue like nothing had happened! And then just when I thought that things were getting back to normal, the moment I started opening again, trusting you again you ditch me. Push me away without explanation, without a word just like all that time ago - I was on a roll, barely taking a breath, yelling every word, finally getting it out, all the things I was holding inside piling up for the past four years

\- You should have told me! - he yelled back and once again his emerald green eyes were filled with anger, and for a second it took me back

\- Tell you what! I wasn't the one ... - he didn't even let me finish my sentence

\- About you and Antonio! About the fact, you are in a relationship, about you and him having a kid? - he yelled throwing his arms in the air; he was angry, angrier than I've aver seen him

\- What are you talking about! Are you insane there is nothing between Antonio and me! Don't get stupid on me Halstead - I yelled back, but I had to admit that his words surprised me were the least I could say

\- Oh, yeah? I beg a differ! I saw you, Erin! I saw you kissing! Or are you going to tell me, I don't know what I saw with my own eyes! - he yelled, and I had to take a step back, the anger that was pouring from every part of his being was frightening at this moment he reminded me of Hank and Justin

\- What the hell are you talking about! That's absurd he is like a brother to me. Not to mention he is about to propose to his girlfriend Sylvie Brett from Firehouse 51, and they are about to have a baby - I said taking my voice down a notch, his accusations made no sense never in the nine years we've known each other there was anything remotely romantic between Antonio and me

\- I got back from Afghanistan at the end of September and my first thought, the first thing I did was to try and find you. I was going to explain everything and to beg for forgiveness, hoping you haven't moved on with someone else. It took me months to track you down until early December, one of the nurses in the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago took pity on me and gave me your address. I spent half an hour park outside your door waiting to make sure you were there, contemplating what to say to you I just had summoned up my courage when a dark car parked across the street from me and Antonio came out with a basket and flowers. You were out of the door before he even made his way to the stairs like a lightning one moment you were in the doorway the next you were engulfed in his arms. You were wearing this oversized yellow sweater with a tiger on the front, dark jeans and your hair were up in a high bun, you looked so beautiful, just like I remembered you, like the last time I laid my eyes on you. - he explained, and although there was still anger in him, i could see the sadness in his eyes, the pain of him seeing me in the arms of someone else. I didn't know how to react, to be happy that he didn't give up on me. That his first thought was to find me or to be pissed that he never came to me, never confronted me, not then not a few days ago, when he saw Antonio, when he learned I had a son.

\- You thought! You thought me and Antonio were a couple. That he is the father of my child. That's why you ran out so fast that night? That's why you've been so cold, disappearing every time Antonio was around? - that made sense he ran out so quickly the night Antonio brought JJ to Intelligence that he had no chance to look at him if he had he would have known the truth.

\- I saw him his dark hair

\- Yeah, he has the same hair color as Antonio, but he has his father's blue eyes, his smile. Antonio is his godfather and my friend; he used to be my partner when I started in Intelligence before he transferred to the State's Attorney's office. And as far as the "kiss" you think you saw it was on the cheek, Antonio was undercover for almost two months, and that was the first time I saw him after the opp. Antonio is engaged to Sylvie. She is pregnant too. - I explained shaking my head, I never realized how things might look from afar, I was close to Antonio, but never that close, but apparently not everyone saw it that way.

\- The fireman! That's why he is still around, why you are still friends, I should've known. - he was talking more to himself than me, but I couldn't help but smile at his thoughts, he was so far from the truth, but he believed his version so much that he didn't even ask for confirmation

\- Kelly and I were always great as friends not so much as a couple. But he has changed, he has grown up, and now he is married to a pretty awesome girl, he moved on - I said shrugging. For the first time since I got here, i realized that there was a soft jazz music coming from his stereo, that the tv was off, but most of all for the anger that brought me here was gone.

\- What about you? Did you move on? - he asked looking straight into my eyes, he was biting his lip slightly like he was fighting a war, and his gorgeous emerald green eyes had turned dark with desire

\- Kinda I guess, I become a cop, gave birth to an amazing little boy, that means the world to me... - I couldn't continue he was standing so close to me, his eyes making my knees week, another step and his lips were on mine. The kiss started slow, unsure my back hit the wall, and he pulled away. We didn't say a word just looked into each other's eyes, then he cupped my chin in his hand and kissed me again, this time there were no traces for uncertainty, no traces of scare, the intensity of the kiss made me fell like I was burning up. His hands got to the hem of my soaked sweater and quickly got rid of it followed by his t-shirt, his hands were roaming over my body leaving burning sensations in their wake.

\- Jay - I whispered when his lips slide down my jawline and neck

\- Shh just let me love you, Ellie - he responded looking into my eyes, I couldn't resist the pull of his gaze, nor the feeling of his body pressed against mine. Without thinking my lips crushed against his passionately, his arms found their way under my but and with a swift motion I was in the air, and he was caring me towards his bedroom.

He laid me down on his bed just in my black underwear, and for a moment he just stood there taking me in in my whole, from the messy wet hair to my toes painted in black. Then a smile spread on his lip, and there was this flame in his eyes he shook his head, and his knees hit the mattress, he slowly started moving towards me, his fingers ever so lightly sliding on my skin like a feather making me shiver and creating goosebumps in their wake

\- Gosh, you're more beautiful then I remember - he whispered when he made his way to my face, gently caressed it and once again cupped my chin in his hand before he crashed his lips against mine and I let a muffled moan escape.

The room was filled with the softness of the jazz music coming from the stereo and the sharpness of the thunders, the only light in the room was coming from the dimmed light bulbs on the wall on both sides of the bed and the flash of the lightning. My golden brown hair was spread against the navy blue pillowcase, my eyes were closed, naked body was covered with goosebumps, and light moans were escaping my slightly open lips. Meanwhile, Jay's lips were covering every inch of my skin with butterfly kisses; his hand was moving from my rib cage to my thigh and back up. He found my lips once again giving me a passionate kiss, interlacing his tongue with mine for a slow erotic dance. He slowly moved away just enough so he can look into my eyes again; I spend the past four years hoping to be able to see him again, to know that he is not dead but not even in my wildest dreams I would have thought that I would be in his embrace again. I turned my head and lazily opened my eyes to look at him, a smile spread across my lips showing dimples.

\- Hey - I whispered, caressing his face I looked into his eyes, and there were no traces of the anger, the hurt or jealousy I saw earlier, on the contrary, his eyes were filled with love, adoration, admiration and desire, and I couldn't stop myself but to kiss him. I knew that look; I saw that look four years ago that same look made me turn my life around, made me feel alive, made me believe in love, although we were together just for few weeks.

\- I love you! - Jay whispered, and I could swear my heart skipped a beat or maybe ten I was sure I would never hear those words again, and I may be crazy to risk it again, but here I was in his embrace, in his bed, and once again I feel alive, I feel complete.

\- I love you too - the words rolled out of my mouth with such ease, and the smile on his face when I said it there was only one other man who could match it and that was our son.

We spend the rest of the night exploring each other's bodies, enjoying every moment of it, savoring every touch, every kiss, every shiver, and moan. We fell asleep in the early hours of the morning cuddled into each other embrace, my head was resting on his chest my ear on his heart, him playing with my hair.

I woke up a few hours later with a smile on my face just to realize that the bed was empty, I looked around frantically but Jay was nowhere to be seen, I got out of bed slipped on my tank top and undies and walked out of the room not realizing I was holding my breath

\- Good morning gorgeous - came a cheerful voice, startling me and at the same time making me relax and relies on the breath I was holding

\- Morning - I responded walking towards him, got on my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the lips

\- Hey I'm not going anywhere, not leaving you ever again - he stated, cupping my face in his hands and kissing my forehead and all I could do to smile and nod and snuggle into his embrace

\- I was serious when I told you that I love you, Ellie - he said it, and I knew he was completely serious and that was another reason I loved him

\- I love you to Staff Sergeant - I said using his ranger's rank, and the smile on his face was making my knees week. We had breakfast, made out for a bit longer, then enjoyed a shower and headed out, he went to the gym, and I headed home hoping that Hank won't ask questions.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N I'm sorry guys that I was this late with the update, but here it is!**

 **This chapter is another jump into the darkness, but it's needed. Just like in real life there is not only happy moments, the darkness is what makes us appreciate the light.**

 **This chapter contains multiple characters dead, violence and lots of pain!**

 **Thank you all for the love and support, your comments make me so happy!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **May 2016**

It's been about a week since Jay and i slept together and keeping things professional was very difficult. Being back in his arms, feeling his lips on my skin was something i never thought was going to happen again and now that it has i couldn't stop thinking about it. But the idea of standing up in front of my boss who also happens to be my father to tell him that not only i broke the rule by sleeping with my partner but he also happen to be the father of my almost four year old son.

\- Hey - i heard his voice from the the other side of the parking lot. I had just park my car in the district's parking lot and was headed towards the door when Jay called me and i turned around in time to see him jog towards me.

\- Hey - i answered trying really hard not to imagine him naked, sweaty and breathless but he wasn't making it any easier with his blue jeans and black button up shirt and that smile. We made our way to the backdoor that would lead us to the bullpen and our desks and stopped

\- Just so you know the other night... - i started saying

\- Oh, yeah the other night - Jay started and i could see the sparks in his eyes and the lip trapped between his teeth and it took everything in me not to throw myself at him

\- It was a one time thing, i mean it! - i stated as firmly as i possible could but something was telling me that i was just lying myself

\- Aha, one time a week, one time a day? - he asked with this cheeky smile on his face but i couldn't stop myself from laughing

\- You're funny - i said shaking my head.

\- All ma i saying is why are we dancing around it? I accept the fact that you have a kid and i would love to meet him and be apart of his life and i would go and talk with Voight myself right now and tell him that i'm in love with you. Why are we trying to hide it, those few weeks up in Wisconsin were the best time of my life

\- Mine too... besides my son and meeting the Voight's you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. All i'm asking is give me some time i'll talk with Hank tonight - he was right, he was the love of my life and he needed to be a part of my son's life although it's for a different reason than he thinks.

\- I love you - he took a step closer to me and whispered before he kissed me and i returned the kiss

\- I love you too but we need to go in before we get in trouble - i said giggling like a school girl and walked into the bullpen taking a seat in my chair.

The morning was calm mostly paperwork and closing cases until we were called in on a victim admitted in Chicago Med, the girl was pulled out of the fire by Kelly and Matt and their squads, but the doctor in Med had found out that the girl was raped and left there. I called Antonio in, and he got Gabby to check out the burned house and see if they can find what caused the fire and where did it start. Gabby and Kelly discovered that the fire was no accident and that it had begun in the apartment of the victim's, not the unit bellow like it was firstly stated. They also found an eye witness who said he saw a white male dressed in a doctors scrubs in the backyard of the house before the fire had started. We have begun looking into it and that got the attention from the Special Victims Unit in New York and more specifically Lieutenant Olivia Benson, she and Hank talked and she was on her way to Chicago.

Hank and Olivia spoke with the victim her name was Victoria, and she was a nurse in Chicago Med in the Maternity ward of the hospital. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to help much; she confirmed that the guy was white and a little under six feet. But more we were digging into Victoria's life we were sure she was a random victim. So by the end of the day, we had three victims from New York from cases from ten years ago and one victim here in Chicago. All we knew about the guy was that he was five foot nine tall white male, around forty years old, dressed in medical clothes and his hand was in a sling. Hank send us all home for the night, and we were back in the district at six am, we all had our tasks.

Jay and I met with Matt in what was left of the victim's apartment, Matt explained what they had found, and I found a bottle of green nail polish next to the foot of the bed. Around eleven am Detectives Amaro, and Tutuola from the SVU arrived with their files. We got another eye witness who was able to give us a little bit more information on our guy and with a little help from Mouse and a bit of luck from Burgess and Roman we had a guy fitting the description in our custody.

Nick Amaro and I were in the interrogation room with one Gregory Yates and good did this man gave me the creeps, there was no doubt in my mind that this was our rapist and killer but we didn't have enough evidence just yet the looks he was giving me, the way he was undressing me with his eyes the guy was a creep. After our conversation with Yates, i walked him out to the stairs when Plat brought April Sexton up

\- Hello - Yates said to her just while he was passing and i could feel the chills climbing up my spine

\- Sergeant please escort Mister Yates out - i asked the desk sergeant and waited till he was out of sight to turn my attention to my friend

\- Hey, what's up? - i asked April finally looking at her and acknowledging the way she looked. I escorted her to the break room and gave her a glass of juice before i sat down on he table across from her.

\- April what's wrong? Where is Tate? - i asked looking at the young nurse, she was staring at the glass in her hands but i could say that she was crying, there were circles under her eyes, and she looked like she hadn't slept in days.

\- He's gone, we separated - she said and started shaking with sobs

\- Hey, hey calm down what happened? What about the baby? - i asked, i was so focused on Jay, keeping my secret, the cases that i hadn't had time for anything else. In the past five months Gabby and Matt Casey had gotten married, she gave birth to a baby girl Chloe Grace in early February, and they adopted a four year old little boy named Louie. Antonio got engaged to Sylvie and now she was expecting their first child and they bought a new house with enough space for their family. So many things, i had missed being too focused on my own life.

\- She... she ..died.. her heart stopped it's all over they're both gone.. - Her sobs had turned into violent cries. It took me a while to calm her down and i told her she can stay with me and JJ for as long as she needed, but for now she would remain in the break room until I'm able to go home and she agreed. I had to go back to work since Greg Yates wanted to meet me in the Millennium Park that night alone.

It was all just a cover up, he was using me as an alibi, the moment he left the park Hank got a phone call from Chief Boden letting him know that they had another body. We got back to the precinct and i found a note on my desktop saying that April needed some air so she went for a walk but she will be back shortly. I tried calling her phone but it was going straight to voicemail. We quickly realized what had happened, that while we were focused investigating the second body Yates had found a way to get passed the police officers looking for him and kidnap April from the precinct. By the time we figured out that he used my car to capture her and we had a trace on the vehicle, he was halfway to New York. Hank gave Olivia heads up, and him, me, Detectives Amaro and Tutuola were on the first flight to New York, hoping that we will find them before it was too late. By the time we got to New York there were two more victims and we found Yates having lunch with his fiance like nothing happened like he didn't just raped and killed two girls. I was doing everything in my power to find her, to do anything not to think about the worse thing possible. We got Yates and his fiance in interrogation rooms Jay had arrived few minutes ago and he jump straight into the interrogation room with Yates and Detective Amanda Rollins while me and Detective Amaro had the fiance. It took us what it seemed like forever to make her talk and give us anything that can be useful, but we finally got a place and everybody headed there.

More than fifty police officers were checking the beach and woods surrounding it; we found a bunch of bones and I was hoping that we won't find the person we were looking for until Jay called us over. I sauntered towards him the limp in my stomach getting bigger with every step that I took a few more steps, and there she was, laying naked under a black tarp with her big brown eyes staring into the sky, blood covering the right side of her face. She was gone, dead and I couldn't believe it I felt Jay's hands on me, and I started crying in his embrace.

I heard Hank saying to someone to cover the body and then i was in his embrace being pulled away from the body of my friend

\- I'm so sorry kid, i know you were close - Hank whispered in my ear trying to console me, to make it better, although he knew nothing could make this better

\- She lost the baby ... and Tate had left... that's why she was in the precinct, that's where he saw her, i told her she can stay there till we finish and that she can stay with us for as long as she needed. It's my fault i should of took her to the house, i should of made sure she was taken care of. This is on me - i tried to explain to him, tried to explain it to myself, thinking of all the ways i could've prevented this. Everybody kept telling me that it wasn't my fault, that Greg Yates was a sick bastard and it was all him but i couldn't shake that guilty feeling off. Jay took me to the hotel while Hank and Olivia met the ADA Rafael Barba, trying to figure everything to make sure that Gregory Yates would pay for all the things he had done, pay for what he had done to April.

Luckily Barba was good in his job he was able to get Gregory Yates on trial and it started it the next day. Yates had decided to represent himself, the trial began with the ME's testimony, it was a gruesome image she describe, all the bruises and injuries April had sustained in the two days she was with him. Then it was my turn, Yates tried to pin April like she was some kind of easy girl, like she was trying to escape Chicago, i needed all my strength not to jump and strangle Yates right there in the courtroom. Lieutenant Olivia Benson's testimony were next, Jay had to hold me down the whole time cause every word that was coming out of Gregory Yates's mouth was making the anger in my body go overboard. He had tried to turn every action we had took against us, he decided to use one of the other suspects we had, trying to trick the jury to feel sorry for himself. Gregory Yates's testimony were next and gosh there was not even one single correct word, only lies and manipulations i had this sickening feeling in my stomach, i was about to vomit and i needed to run out of the courtroom and get to a bathroom as quickly as possible. For every bodies relief in the final minutes of the trial Gregory Yates couldn't hold his composure and he showed to everybody his real face and there was not a single person in the court room who would believe that he was innocent.

\- Members of the jury have you reached your verdict? - the judge asked and i held my breath, Jay intertwined his fingers with mine and squeezed my hand

\- We have your honer. On the charge of rape and sodomy in a first-degree, we find the defendant Gregory Yates guilty. On the charge of murder in a first-degree, we find the defendant guilty - the head juror stated. And i was finally able to breath again i knew that this will not bring April back, it won't make her suffering any less but it was justice and no one else was going to suffer the way she did ever again.

\- Doctor Yates you will remain in custody pending sentencing. Members of the jury the state of New York thanks you for your service court is adjured. - the judge said, and we all got up started hugging and left the courthouse. We decided that it would be good to go to a local bar and have a drink after the past couple of days, and everything that had happened we all needed that drink.

We were in Chicago for less then two days when Olivia called and asked Hank to send me back to New York, according to her Yates wanted to talk and Amanda Rollins wasn't in a condition to meat with him. Hank staid back with JJ and Antonio and i were on our way back to New York, talking with Yates was no use he was playing us like he always did. In the end Yates got exactly what he wanted Rollins and Carisi went to talk with him while Antonio and i waited back to see what he had to say. Few hours later we found out that Gregory Yates had escaped the prison with another prisoner, we were able to recover Carl Rudnick but Yates had managed to escape and go back to Chicago. Before we were able to find him he was able to kill four nurses, crash into my house luckily Kevin Atwater and another patrolman were able to get JJ and his nanny out of the house just in time.

Few hours later Lieutenant Olivia Benson and detective Tutuola arrived in the district and the team went on chasing different leads and Hank made sure i was safe in the district giving Mouse the order to keep me in the bullpen, everybody else was out when we heard on the radio that Yates had killed Kevin and he had escaped. Then Yates called and Mouse was able to pinpoint his phone and i went after him, when i got into the car i called Hank and told him the address and against all of his discontents i went into the house on my own.

\- Detective Lindsay so happy to see you again - Yates greeted me the moment i stepped into the room my gun pointed at his head. In front of Yates in a chair tied up was his father barley hanging over a huge hole on the floor that was taking almost the entire room.

\- Let him go? - i stated calmly with a grave expression on my face

\- I could but i'm the only thing holding him up - Yates said and demonstrated what would happen if his arm would let go of the back of the chair

\- Let me call an ambulance for him, then it would be just you and me just like you wanted - i said pulling the phone out of my pocket

\- He would be dead, long before they get here, put that away and if you shoot me it's over - Yates said pushing the chair forward, the man in it started screaming terrified to die

\- Stop, stop - i said and put my gun away. Then Yates started telling me abut his victims and all their final moments, the clock was ticking and all i could think of was how to end him and save the man in the chair.

\- You know who suffered most of all? April.. Poor April - he said and i got sick again

\- Why am i here? - i asked with a sickening feeling in my stomach

\- An execution always needs one thing a witness - he said and pushed the chair forward letting his father, the man that abandoned him to fall into the hall and hang on the rope around his neck. I pulled my gun and he started coming towards me with an ice pick, touting me, trying to get into my head

\- Stay back! Don't move! - i yelled but he kept coming towards me, kept pushing me and before i knew what i was doing i pulled the trigger and there he was laying on the floor three stories down dead. When i turned around and saw my dad, i saw the worry on his face but at the same time i saw relief. We got back to the precinct did the paperwork and closed the case when Hank got out of his office and sent us all home.

\- How are you doing? - Jay asked coming around my desk with a concern look written in his emerald green eyes

\- I don't know - i said shrugging my shoulders. We decide to go to Mollies and have a drink before Olivia and Fin had to go back to NY.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N Okey guys here it is a chapter that most of you have been expecting since the** **beginning of this story "He is mine, isn't he?"**

 **I hope you enjoy it and leave your comments I love them all!**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **May 2016**

Explaining to JJ what had happened with April and the baby and Kevin, telling him that they are dead, that he'll never be able to meet baby Mia, that he'll never be able to play basketball with Kevin again was the hardest thing I had to do in my entire life.

It's been almost a week since April Sexton and Kevin Atwater were killed, about three days since I shot Gregory Yates. Today were the funerals, April was going to be buried with baby Mia right next to her parents, and Kevin had a police burial. Everybody was to attend the funerals, the whole Firehouse 51, the entire staff of Chicago Med and District 21 and afterwords Mrs. Goodwin had organized a repast in a restaurant for friends and family; she also had organized a daycare in her house for the parents that couldn't find a sitter. I already talked with Nat and Gabby and made sure they were bringing Nate, Louie and baby Chloe to Mrs. Goodwin's house, we were supposed to drop the kids there and head to the Cemetery together.

I was in my room in front of the vanity putting little bit of makeup on, enough to hide the circles my eyes, the black skirt and blouse i was going to wear to April's service were on a hanger and neatly hanged on an on the foot board of my bed, the jacket in black and white stripes was hanging on one of the poles of the bed and the black heels were in front of it waiting for me to put them on, right next to the black police uniform i was going to wear for Kevin's service when JJ walked into the room and jumped on my bed, he looked at me for a moment

\- How come you're getting dressed up again? - he asked and my stomach turned into a ball of nerves

\- Because, uh, mommy and grandpa are gonna go to April and Kevin's funeral, and you're going to to to Mrs Goodwin's house with Nate and Louie and the other kids, remember? - i answered sadly, i hated this, hated that i had to explain to my not even four year old son about dead and funerals, he was still a baby he was still seeing the world as a better place then we did

\- And what happens there exactly, - at the funeral - he asked curiously looking at me with his big emerald green eyes.

\- We're going to say goodbye to April and Kevin, monkey. - i said, after taking a deep breath, i wasn't ready for it, i wasn't ready to say goodbye to me friends, i've known them for years, April was there when JJ was born, and Kevin was there when i first started in district 21. The moment i answered his question JJ jumped off my bed and ran out of the room, a sigh escaped my lips and i returned to getting myself ready. About twenty minutes later i was ready, i picked up my purse made sure i had everything in it and headed downstairs, dad met me at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in a black suit and ready to go.

\- JJ' we're going... - i started calling when he ran towards the stairs dressed in his small black suit with white button up shirt and black untied shoes, and his black stuffed dragon in hand

\- I want to go. - he stated and dad helped him down the stairs

\- JJ... - dad started with most calmest voice i've heard from him, but JJ interrupted him

\- April and Kevin were my friends, and i want to say goodbye, too - he stated with such sad face i've never seen before on his beautiful little face, how could my baby boy be so strong and smart i had no idea. Dad and i exchanged looks then i walked towards him and keeled in front of him tying his shoes up

\- It's gonna be really sad, monkey - i tried to reason, tried to explain so he can understand, he just squeezed his dragon closer to him

\- I'm already sad - he said and another sigh escaped my lips i looked at dad for a long time then back at my son

\- You are right April and Kevin were your friends and you should say goodbye - i replied then hugged him tightly, picked him up and carried him to the car, i put him in his car seat and took my spot in the passenger seat in Hank's Escalade, he took off and i made sure to text Nat and Gabby that we're taking JJ with us.

About half an hour later we were at the Cemetery. Kevin's service was. First, Fire house 51 was already at their places, lined up on the side of the road waiting for Kevin's arrival. I made sure that Natalie had JJ then took my place in the line between Hank and Jay covering the last few feet from the road to the grave that in about an hour will turn into Kevin Atwater's forever home.

In exactly ten hundred hours everyone was in their place, and the voice of Sergeant Trudy Plan came through the police radio and speakers in Kevin's patrol car parked few feet away

\- "All units stand by for tone out. Code 337 ADAM. This is the final call for Officer Kevin Atwater Badge number #6582. Officer Atwater was fatally shot on May 12th, 2016 while answering the call of duty. He gave of himself while serving his community with courage and valor. The men and women of the Precinct 21 are forever grateful, and proud to have serviced with Officer Kevin Atwater and will never forget his ultimate sacrifice. All units, break for a moment of silence. [pause]

Kevin Atwater, may you rest in peace, knowing that your strength lives on in your siblings, your legacy will be carried on by them, and that your honor will continue with all of us. Officer Atwater, thank you for your service. We know Kevin will watch over his entire family, especially his sister Vanessa and brother Jordan as he travels to his chosen place in heaven. Kevin, you will be missed by all.

Officer Atwater, Call Sign 337 ADAM. Respond now to your final assignment at Rosehill Cemetery 5800 N Ravenswood Ave, Chicago, IL." - Sergeant Plat finished the call, and the sirens of every law enforcement car in town started in unison. The Police Procession had begun from the front of District 21 to the Cemetery with motorcycles then Chief Emma Crowley's car in the front, followed by the hearse and the rest of the police cruiser. By the time the procession reached the cemetery, it had been about an hour. The service started almost immediately after everybody gathered around the grave. On one side were the chairs and Kevin's brother and sister followed by Adam and Kim were sitting on the first row. After Kevin's death, we had found out that he was the only family the young kids had so Kim and Adam had decided to adopt them in hope to keep them together and close to their family in District 21. The unit was on the other side in a line holding it together for Kevin and mostly for his siblings who had been through enough.

It was a bit past noon when April and baby Mia's funeral began, we had all changed, and most of the people had gone home after Kevin's funeral, witch made April's a lot more private and a lot more sad since there were only people that knew her and loved her. I was trying to hide behind huge sunglasses, but it wasn't working, the tears were just falling, and halfway through the service I had started to sob when I felt my son's hand to slip into mine, and another pair of hands sneaked around me keeping me from falling to the ground. It didn't take a lot to figure out that it was Jay, he was holding me tightly close to his body like he could shelter me, protect me from all the pain I was feeling.

The ceremony ended and people started to leave the grave, heading towards the restaurant where the repast was going to be held when i realized JJ wasn't holding my hand any longer. Frantically i started looking around when i saw him stepping closer to the freshly covered grave, i stepped back towards him and was amazed at what he did next. My strong, smart three and a half year old baby boy kissed the black stuffed dragon in his hand and then carefully placed it on the grave.

\- What are you doing money? - i asked curious trying to figure out what was going through his head at this moment, he loved that dragon since the day he was born, he refused to sleep without it and now he was willingly separating with it

\- So, Mia can play with it in Heaven - JJ answered innocently and i had to cover my mouth before i fell apart right there in the middle of the cemetery. I kneed down and hugged my boy really tight, i have no idea how did i get so lucky to be able to call this amazing little boy my son but Gosh was i proud of him. I felt a hand on my back and turned my head to find no other then my partner Jay Halstead standing behind me dressed in his dark almost black suit with a small smile on his face

\- Come on I'll take you to the restaurant - he said offering me a hand to get up

\- No it's okey, his car seat is in Hank's car, we'll see you there - i said rubbing my hand up and down on JJ's back

\- It's in my car, Voight said he needs to take care of something and asked me to make sure you to get to the restaurant safely - Jay explained and slid his hand on the lower part of my back guiding me me towards his GMC.

\- Where is grandpa? - JJ asked and it looked like he was just about to start crying, i was just about to speak up, when Jay spoke first taking me by surprise

\- Hey, I'm Jay i work with your mom and grandpa... And i promise you he is alright, he just needed to take care of something and asked me to take you and you mom to the restaurant and make sure you are okey. - Jay crouched in front of my son and said with the most sincere tone he could summon, JJ looked at me, than back at Jay

\- I'm JJ... do you like trucks? - my son asked him which made me laugh, give it to a kid to measure people by what car they liked.

\- I do, i actually have a big one, do you wanna see it? Maybe if your mom let's me, I'll teach you how to drive it someday. - Jay quickly answered JJ and got his interest mentioning his truck and the possibilities of him driving it; i wasn't surprised that my son loved the idea of the truck it was just another one of the similarities between him and his dad. JJ agreed and even let Jay pick him up and carry him to the GMC. Seeing them like that, bonding, discussing how big the truck was, was something i never expected to see, and it was filling me with utter joy. Jay strapped our son in and helped me get in the truck, for which i was really grateful, considering the tightness of the skirt i was wearing there was no chance i would be able to get in by myself.

The whole ride to the restaurant the boys were discussing cars, and trucks and sports, I just sat there letting it all in, letting the sight of the two most important people in my life to sink in and stay in my memories. On the other hand, I was glad that JJ looked a lot more like himself, a lot more cheerful, it was a good thing to see, my hart was still hurting, and it would hurt for a long time, but he was just a kid he deserved a happy, joyful childhood. We got to the restaurant and Jay helped me get out of the truck, then got JJ out and the tree of us walked into the building.

The room was big, the tables were dress in black table cloths, the chairs were covered with white covers with black ribbons and the centerpieces were candles in the front there were big portraits of April and Kevin surrounded by flowers and more candles. A lot of people had already taken a seat on different tables, at the far end away from the doors but closer to the portraits were set few big tables and i could make it even from this distance that they were meant for us, the closest people to Kevin and April. Jay, JJ and I made our way towards those tables when JJ ran forward and disappeared between some people, i hurried after him stepping around a table when i heard my son's cheerful voice

\- Uncle Will you're finally here - my son squealed and jumping in the arms of no other than William Halstead, this was the first time he was meting the guy in person but it was like they knew each other their whole lives, which was partly true since Will knew JJ since his birth, but what was more interesting was the fact that from all of the people he knew the only one my son has ever called uncle was Will without having any idea how right he actually was with that statement.

\- Oh, wow you're gotten so big J-man - Will said checking out my son, i got close and gave Nat a hug, it wasn't the best place to meet and i hope we don't have to do it again soon, but it as nice seeing my best friend. A little bubbly toddler was sitting in a booster seat right between Natalie and Will my godson was one year old already and he was so adorable, he looked just like his dad with his reddish hair and big brown eyes, but i could also see Nat's smile in his beautiful little face

\- How're holding up? - Nat asked and i shook my head

\- Not good, trying to be strong for JJ but it's not that easy, how about you? - Nat just shrugged her shoulders, i could see the pain in her eyes, pain that i could feel to me too, but i also knew that it was way harder for Nat since she was working with April, and was used to see her every day at work

\- It's hard being at the Er and not seeing her, i've cought myself a few time calling her name... It helps that Will is finally back it makes it a little bit easier - she said and we looked at the tall ginger guy who was still holding my son playing with him and the little bubbly Nate

\- It's nice finally seeing you in person Will, i'm sorry it had to be in these circumstances - i said smiling sadly getting his attention and he put JJ on the ground

\- Me too Erin, and i'm so sorry for your loss - he said and gave me a big hug and kissed the top of my head. Hugging him was so strangely comfortable, so familiar and at the same time new, but then again he was the older brother of the man that i spent the last four years of my life loving. And speaking about Jay i heard him clear his throat behind me and Will let go of me

\- Jay, little brother it's good to see you - Will said giving Jay a man hug, the confusion on Jay's face was evident even a bland man could see it it was fun to watch

\- I thought you're coming back next week.. - Jay stated moving his gaze from his brother, to Nat, to me and back to his brother

\- I changed it, look man i'm sorry about Kevin - Will said clapping his brother's shoulder in support

\- Yeah, thanks... Do you know each other? - Jay asked a minute later pointing between Will and me

\- Oh, i'm sorry Jay this is Erin Nate's godmother and Nat's best friend... - Will started introducing me and i had to cough to hide the laugh that was threatening to escape my lips

\- More like sister but yeah - Nat pinched in nonchalantly giving me a little nudge

\- Yeah i would of totally introduces you sooner if you weren't so damn obsessed with your mystery girl - Will added and this time he got my attention and i couldn't hide the surprise on my face

\- Ellie ... - was all Jay said, looking straight into my eyes

\- Yeah, her... - Will agreed not noticing the glances his brother and i were exchanging

\- Ellie - Jay repeated and this time i could see an ocean of emotions in his eyes

\- Yeah, i heard you the first time, what's wrong with you did i ... - Will started saying but Jay interrupted him

\- No, Will, she is Ellie, she is my mystery girl - Jay tried to explain to his brother to which Nat gave me a little nudge and when i looked at her she mouthed "He knows?", to which i shook my head slightly and whispered back "Not yet"

\- Wait what? I'm confused - Will said and i couldn't stop myself this time i had to laugh

\- Will, Natalie this is Erin Elisabeth Lindsay also known as Ellie, the girl i fell in love with at rehab - Jay explained and with every word coming out of his mouth you could hear the admiration, the pure love he had towards me.

\- You knew, didn't you? - Will asked Natalie, and Jay's gaze focused on his sister in law anticipating her response

\- Yeah, she told me when i picked Nate and me from the airport after our visit in New York. And before you say anything it wasn't my place to say - Nat told the boys and they had to agree with her.

After we had figured out how we knew each other, we decided to sit down and eat. I had to admit I didn't expect things to go this way and I didn't plan on having this whole discussion in a restaurant where we were honoring our fallen friends, but I was glad it was out of the way. The rest of the night was filed with stories and memories about Kevin and April, about how each of us met them, about our favorite memory of them. For my surprise, Hank never made it to the restaurant, but I received a text message that he was okey, that was taking Olivia Benson to the airport and that he'll see me home, so I wasn't worried about him.

It was around midnight when we finally decided to put and end to the already long day and said our goodbyes to the people that were still in the restaurant. Will made me promise to have dinner with them this upcoming weekend, and he let us leave only when I said yes. Jay put JJ in the car and made sure he was buckled correctly before he helped me in and ran in front of his GMC and got into the driver's seat and took off towards my house.

By the time we made it home JJ was sound asleep, Jay parked the truck in front of the house and helped me get out before he opened the back door

\- I'll take him - I tried to step closer to the back seat, but he didn't allow me

\- Ell, it's okey I can carry him in you just get the door - Jay said sliding his arm up and down my back for a moment before he started unbuckling JJ's car seat. I knew there was no point in me protesting, so I just grabbed the keys from my purse and headed towards the stair, vaguely acknowledging the fact that the house was dark and that Hank's SUV wasn't in his parking spot. I unlocked the door and walked in turning the light and leaving my purse on the table next to the door, Jay walked after me with still sleeping JJ in his arms, and Jay's suit jacket was spread over my son's tiny body like a blanket. I walked further into the house, turning lights and opening doors, with Jay following me until we got to JJ's bedroom. Jay put the slipping boy on the bed and carefully removed his jacket from around him and stepped away. I stepped in and undressed JJ and carefully dressed him in camo pj's when I was done I covered him with his blanket and placed a kiss on his head and moved towards the door before I finally looked up to see Jay looking at the sleeping boy.

\- He is mine, isn't he? - He asked without any traces of anger, or disapproval, or hate in his voice, on the contrary, his voice was filled with love and adoration and longing. He moved his gaze from the bed and looked at me, and his eyes were filled with desire

\- Yes - was my simple respond and before I could realize what was happening, with few quick steps he had shortened the distance between us, his hands were on both sides of my face and his lips had crushed against mine in the most passionate kiss I've ever experienced.


	15. Chapter 15

**_A/N here you go guys i hope you like it!_**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 ** _July 2016_**

 _\- He is mine, isn't he? - he asked without any traces of anger, or disapproval, or hate in his voice, on the contrary his voice was filled with love and adoration and longing. He moved his gaze from the bed and looked at me and his eyes were filled with desire_

 _\- Yes - was my simple respond and before i could realize what was happening, with few quick steps he had shortened the distance between us, his hands were on both sides of my face and his lips had crushed against mine in the most passionate kiss i've ever experienced._

It's been almost a month since Jay found out the truth about our son, a month filled with so much questions and answers. Telling dad about it was surprising, i expected for him to get mad, to be pissed, to threatened Jay, but no, there was nothing like that. I was also shocked to find out that he had actually threatened Jay when he had joined the squad, that day before we found out that we were our new partners.

 _'If you want to keep working in this unit you keep it in your pants'_ \- had he told Jay and that i'm off limits but the truth to be told i wasn't surprise that Jay had ignored his threats, that he had kept pushing and that he had knocked down the walls i had build around myself.

We had decided that we're going to keep our relationship secret for now, we didn't wanted the team and everyone at the district to get their noses in our business, the important thing was that we knew, that Hank did, and most of all that JJ did. We still haven't told him that Jay was his dad, but the two of them had spent a lot of time together in the past few weeks.

It was Friday afternoon in July. First, the shift was almost over, and I couldn't wait to get out of the precinct, to get my baby boy from day care and to spend a nice evening with my family. The past few days Jay had been acting strange, he would go into Voight's office and close the door, or talk with him at the house, but stop any conversations the moment I walked in and every time I asked him he would say that it was nothing. Earlier today after one of their private conversations Jay left the district saying that he had something to do, but he didn't want me to go with him

\- Okey guys, that's it for the day you're free I'll see you Monday - Hank started coming out of his office a few minutes after the clock hit five o'clock and then retreated in closing the door behind him. I had noticed that he spent a lot of time on the phone or the computer, but he wouldn't tell me who he was talking with and if I asked him he would say that it wasn't my business.

\- Hey, you read to head out? - Jay asked coming around my desk and sitting on the edge of it. There was a huge grin on his face and fires in his eyes, suddenly the breath left my chest, and all I could focus on were his lips and how much I wanted to kiss them

\- Yeah, let me tell dad, and I'll be right there - I said getting up it was tough to go around him without leaning in and kissing him with everything I had in me. I knocked on Hank's door and walked in without waiting for an invite. He wasn't very happy about it, his facial expression was like JJ's when he was caught doing something that he wasn't supposed to, and that wasn't normal for normally terrifying man

\- Jay and I are headed out, we'll see you at home - I said going around his desk and giving him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek

\- Drive safe - he said, and his face changed it were expression and got a lot more mellow, a lot sweeter

\- Love you - I said, and after another kiss, I left his office and followed Jay out of the precinct. We had carpooled so we quickly made our way to Jay's GMC and the moment we hoped in our lips were crushing each other in a passionate dance. It was so difficult to hold on all day, not to be able to kiss him, to hold him in my arms, to feel his heat, to inhale his scent

\- Gosh I needed this - Jay stated, the moment our lips separated, and we rested our foreheads against each other for a moment before we fully separated

\- Let's get our boy and go home - I said and took off driving. I realized what I had said after it already left my lips. Home. That was so difficult right now, JJ and I still lived with Hank in his home. Although Jay had spent most of his night there with us, he still had his small one bedroom apartment. I hated the nights he was there, and I was alone in my bed, no after I remembered how it felt to sleep in his arms, to feel his heat and breath on my skin being apart was a nightmare.

\- Momma! - JJ excitedlyJ squeaked when he saw me and ran towards me with a huge smile on his face, holding a white paper in his little hand

\- What have we here? What's that? - I asked pointing towards the paper; his grin got even bigger when he turned it to show it to me

\- That's you, that's me, this are a grandpa and grandma Olivia, and this is Jay, we're all happy, and we're having a picnic - he explained and then he noticed Jay and wiggled himself down and ran to him. I got JJ strapped in and got into the car, Jay was behind the driver's seat, and I was content with it, being able to enjoy the short drive to the house looking at my boys interact with each other.

\- Jay, that's not the way to the house?! - I stated a few minutes later finally looking out of the window and realizing that he was driving in opposite direction than Hank's house

\- We aren't going there - He simply stated without giving me any details to where we're going and why we're not going back to the house. A few moments later I noticed the sign that stated end of Chicago and I looked at Jay again

\- Jay, where are we going? I told Hank we're going back to the house - I said turning myself into the seat so I can face him

\- We're going on a road trip, and don't worry Voight already knows - he stated shrugging his shoulders looking all innocent and suddenly too focused on the road

\- What are you talking about, we can't go anywhere we don't have any clothes and what if there is an emergency? - I started questioning him, all I said was a reasonable worry I could leave the town with the clothes on my back no problem, but I couldn't do that with my little boy he needed things, toys, clothes, books

\- I already took care of that, the bags are in the back, and Voight gave us few days off, if he needs it he'll call someone from the precinct. Ellie just relax and enjoy the trip - he said, and I was left speechless. Now all made sense, all the secret conversations with Hank and him disappearing earlier, Hank probably gave him the key to the house for him to get our stuff packed. I shook my head and looked back at my son who had fallen asleep, and I couldn't stop the smile that spread on my face, I turned forward again and got comfy in my seat and intertwined my fingers with Jay's, who leaned a little and gave me a kiss on the head.

\- Ellie, hey wake up - I heard Jay's voice whispering in my ear and slowly opened my eyes, I didn't realize I had fallen asleep, I looked around, the sky was pitch black I looked at the dashboard and saw the clock showing two o'clock in the morning. I straightened myself and started looking around trying to figure out where I was, the last time I checked the clock, it was a little past seven o'clock. I looked out f the window and saw the big house, and my mouth fell open, I knew this place, and I didn't believe I was back here again

\- Welcome to our little heaven - Jay whispered still sitting next to me and leaned to give me a kiss. I moved back and rubbed my eyes, then pinched my hand just to make sure that I wasn't dreaming but no it wasn't a dream it was real we were in front of him a family cabin in Bayfield Wisconsin.

Jay got out and helped me get out myself I got sleeping JJ out of his car seat while Jay was getting our bags and then we walked into the house. Jay walked in front of me and opened the master bedroom door and dropped our bags next to the door and then opened the door on the opposite wall and pulled the covers from the bed

\- You can put him down. It's clean I had a cleaning service clean the house and prepare it for our arrival - Jay explained. I laid my son in the bed, removed his shoes and jeans leaving him in a t-shirt and undies, covered him with the blanket and gave him a kiss on the head, Jay kissed him too, and we left the room. We got back into the living room, and I relaxed on the couch while he went to grab few beers from the fridge and sat down next to me.

\- I can't believe we're here - I admitted staring at the fireplace and space in front of it, the place we had sex for the first time, probably the place our son was conceived, but then again it could be any other place in this house. I could feel my cheek going red when those memories flooded my mind

\- Hey, what are you thinking about? - Jay asked looking at me with mischief in his eyes

\- About you and me, and this place and the fact that our son was conceived maybe right there - I said pointing to the floor in front of the fireplace

\- Hmm, that were good times, maybe we can repeat them - he whispered getting closer to me and kissing my neck

\- Jay, we have a son now, who can wake up at any moment and walk in on us - I reminded him through giggles his breath on my neck was tickling me, and his lips were making my skin burn up

\- In that case, we should move to the bedroom - he stated, picking me up and carried me up the stairs and into the room he put me on the bed and ran to the door quickly closing it and locking it and then started coming back towards the bed removing his clothes in his way.

I woke up the next morning alone in the big bed, the sun rays were sneaking into the room through the huge window and were bathing my body. I looked around, but there were no traces of Jay, I got up and put on a shirt and sweats from the bag put on the table in front of the foot of the bed. Then I walked out and checked the room where JJ was supposed to be asleep, but he wasn't there I got up the stairs only to stop in mid step when I saw the picture in front of me. JJ was standing on a chair with an apron on his chest, and a bowl in his hands and Jay was standing right next to him in front of the oven top flipping something over. Both boys were unaware of my presence they were laughing I stood there watching them, enjoying every bit of it I felt the tears of joy fill my eyes.

\- Momma, momma we're making breakfast - JJ said proudly of himself the moment he finally saw me, which made Jay turn around and give me this huge fourteen karat smile. I stepped closer to them and gave a kiss on JJ's head and then one on Jay's lips. Both boys made me sit while they finished preparing the breakfast, then we all sat together on the breakfast bar had our food and JJ, and I went upstairs to get changed while Jay cleaned the dishes.

\- So kiddo what do you want to do today? - Jay asked when we got together in the living room

\- I don't know - JJ responded sitting in my lap with his head on my chest

\- Let's see; we can ride bikes, go hiking, swim in the lake, play basketball or soccer, whatever you want to do - Jay explained, and I couldn't believe how amazing everything sounded it felt like we were a family a real family.

\- But I don't have a bike, and I don't know how to ride one - JJ said with sad expression on his face and Jay looked at me then back at our son

\- You sure about that? Did you check the front yard? - Jay asked raising his eyebrow and JJ jump off my lap and ran out the door. We followed him and for my surprise there in front of the garage was a small blue bike that looked more like a mini motorcycle than a bike with a bow on it.

\- Is this mine? - JJ asked looking at Jay and me, and his dad nodded walking towards him. Jay removed the bow and helped JJ get up on the bike, then helped him put the helmet with Mickey Mouse on it and then presided to teach him how to ride. I sat on the stairs watching them and taking pictures and videos. Without realizing we had spent the whole day outside, teaching JJ to ride a bike and he was getting pretty good with it, around seven o'clock we decided it was enough and we got inside. Jade made dinner while I was giving JJ a bath and getting him dressed. We had a delicious dinner followed by cuddling on the couch with a movie, and JJ quickly fell asleep exhausted with the thrills of the day.

After putting the little guy in bed Jay and I enjoyed another night filled with passion and love making, and we were snuggled in bed afterward, he was playing with my hair, and I was semi - asleep, but I could feel that there was something on his mind

\- Jay all you need to do is ask, I'll tell you everything you want to know - I said without opening my eyes,

\- How can you tell I have a question? - he asked, and I could feel his eyes on me, and that made me smile

\- Do you think I need to see you with my eyes to know that something is on your mind? - I asked snuggling closer to him and placed a kiss on his chest right where his heart is supposed to be

\- Why JJ? I mean not that I don't like it but why not give him a full name ? - he asked, and I couldn't stop the giggle that came out of my mouth while propping myself up so I can look into his eyes

\- JJ is his nickname; his full name is Julian Jayson Lindsey - I said, and the moment the words left my lips tiers started filling his

\- You named him after my mother? - he questioned with the voice filled with emotions; he didn't care that our son was caring his name, Jay was struck by the fact he was caring his mother's name

\- Yes, I remembered you telling me all of those stories about her, how close you two were and how strong she was no matter what was thrown her way I wanted our son to be like that. I didn't know that I'll ever see you again, but that was my way to honor you and your family - I said shrugging my shoulders

\- Gosh, you are unbelievable, I don't say it enough - he said giving me a kiss on the lips that turned into another round of love making.

The next morning things repeated i woke up alone, and got up stairs to find my boys making breakfast. This time we decided to go hiking the nature around us was beautiful, we walked for a while, at some point Jay ended up caring JJ on his shoulders but then we got to a small meadow next to a gorgeous waterfall we had picnic there for lunch then did a little swimming and in the late afternoon we made our way back to the house. The boys decided to make a mini camp in the yard, they popped up tent and chairs around the fire pit, Jay started a fire and made dinner on it, we sat around it telling stories, JJ was so excited he was telling us how much he wanted to go camping and that this were the best days ever.

We did something different every day, filling our time with laughter, memories, there were ton of photos and videos of the boys bonding or me and Jay loving on each other, or all three of us. Hank had called Monday to let us know that everything was okay at work and to hear his grandson this was the first time we were separated for so long ever since i moved in with him four years ago.

It was Wednesday when things changed, there was a fourth of July celebration in town, and we decided to go, Jay was cleaning the dishes from dinner, and I was downstairs with JJ giving him a bath and getting him ready. I just had gotten him out of the bath, and he was jumping on the bed naked, while I was getting his clothes from his bag

\- Momma - he started and sat on the bed when I turned and got closer to him starting to dry him off

\- What's up monkey? - I asked him bopping his nose and slipping his underwear on

\- Can Jay be my daddy? - The little boy asked. I froze in the middle of my action and looked up into my son's eyes. He looked so full of hope, and at the same time, he was sheepish unsure if he did something wrong or not I smiled and kissed his head.

\- You like him that much huh? - I asked getting him dressed, and the little boy nodded his head, which made me laugh. I tossed the towel aside and sat on the bed putting him against the pillows facing me

\- Do you remember what I've told you about your daddy? - I asked him playing with his fingers while looking into his eyes

\- He is a soldier. He is overseas fighting evil and that when he gets home, I'll meet him - he said. I nodded, I had never hidden the truth about his father from him, he had asked me a few years ago why the other kids had two parents, and he had only me, then I told him about Jay or at least the parts that I wanted him to know

\- That's right, do you remember what your daddy's name was? - I asked again, and he thought for a moment before smiling victoriously

\- Jayson just like me - he responded a bit louder than his previous tone

\- Yeah, do you remember what did I tell you about Jay when he became my partner? - I asked him. I remember that night I got home after I found out Jay was my new partner and JJ wanted to know about him. I had told him about Jay's army background, his name and family he already knew it, but I didn't expect from a toddler to be able to make all the connections, so I picked him up in my lap, his feet were on both sides of my upper body

\- Jay is your daddy baby boy I just wanted you to get to know him before I told you - I explained, and the look on his face was priceless, he was so happy like it was Christmas morning and he just had found all the presents. He gave me a huge hug and then a deafening kiss on my cheek, which made me laugh. Jay showed up a few minutes later ready to go, we got into the truck and headed to the center of the town, Jay parked, and I got JJ out of the car and waited for Jay to join it.

\- Come on mommy, daddy we're going to miss it - JJ yelled turning around and looked at us, and my hand raised up to my lips, my eyes filled with tears I looked at Jay, and he was left speechless, and there were tears in his eyes as well.

\- Come on daddy; let's go - JJ said again coming to us and grabbing Jay's hand and started pulling on him, and I couldn't express how happy I felt at this moment, with how much love my heart was filled.

We spent the evening in the town square, talking with other people, JJ ran around with some kids, when the time came Jay put him on his shoulders and he dropped his hand around my shoulders and the tree of us watched the fireworks. By the time we got back to the house JJ was already asleep and Jay carried him inside but this time not to the room he had occupied for the time we were here instead he put him in the middle of our bed. I undressed the little boy and carefully got him into a pj's then did the same for me and laid next to him on the side closer to the window, while Jay took the one closer to the door. I had one of my hands under my pillow and the other over JJ's tiny body, while Jay's was laying over JJ's body and on my back hugging both of us closer to him, his gorgeous eyes drinking in the view in front of him

\- I would never get tired of this - he whispered and lightly slid his fingers down my cheek

\- Thank you for giving me this - i responded looking at our son. If i said, i wouldn't want him to be with us the whole time, to never have left i would be lying. But i also wouldn't change the past for anything in this world yeah it was difficult four years but if i never had met him, if i hadn't caught Kelly that night, if i never had come here this gorgeous little boy would've never existed, and that's not something i would change.

It was Saturday morning when my boys told me that i had to leave the house after breakfast and come back earliest at six o'clock, since it was our last night in Wisconsin they wanted to surprise me so i wasn't allowed to stay. Jay had made some calls and had gotten me a full day of SPA, so we had a breakfast and then i was sent on my way. I had to admit that although SPA wasn't exactly my kinda deal it felt nice to be taken care of, full body massage, facial, mani - pedi i was even provided with hairstylist and an outfit before i left. I also had to admit that the outfit was gorgeous, a dark blue lacy dress coming down to a few inches above the knee, combined with strappy beige heels my hair was in loose curls i looked gorgeous i had to admit that whoever chose the outfit did a great job.

It was around six thirty when I made it back to the house and was left speechless when I saw my boys waiting for me in front of the house. Jay was dressed in a dark suit with light blue dress shirt he looked like a Greek God, he also had a bouquet of white Jasmine flowers in his hands, and JJ wasn't far behind he was dressed almost exactly like his father with the slight difference of the shirt color.

\- You look gorgeous - Jay whispered when he helped me out of the car and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips

\- You don't look too bad yourself - I responded and creased his face with my fingers before I was pulled away by my very excited little boy

\- You look pretty momma! - He said, I picked him up, and he gave me a loud kiss on the cheek which made me laugh. I let the boy down and the each grabbed one of my hands escorting me to the lake shore where I was surprised to find a beautifully set up table for three, the nearby trees were covered with fairy lights and few lanterns. Jay pulled a chair for me, and after I had sat down he got JJ on the chair next to us, then he took the last seat and uncovered the plates with food in front of us.

\- I can't believe you did all of this for men - I said looking at the table and the surrounding area

\- I would do anything for you El. Also, I had pretty good helping hand - he said winking at JJ and leaned towards me giving me a kiss on the lips. We had a nice romantic dinner; the night was beautiful and warm, the light music coming from the stereo combined with the song of the crickets made everything so peaceful, so romantic. At some point, Jay brought out his guitar and started playing the same song he did the first time we met. I could feel my eyes getting wet I was filled with so much love and happiness, something I had no idea was possible, but here it was. I was having dinner with the man of my dreams, with our son in the place our love had bloomed; the same house was we created the life of the beautiful boy standing next to me.

Jay put the guitar down and got up, he pulled something out of his pocket and kneel down in front of me, there in his palm laid a rose made out of cloth and in the middle of it was the most gorgeous rose gold ring I've ever seen in my life. You could say that it was old, it had that antique vibe to it and at the same time it was new, it was fabulous no matter what.

\- I've been caring this thing with me since the day I was released from the RIC, the day I came to see you, the day you had that dinner planned for the firefighter was the day I was going to ask you what I'm about to ask you know. - he started, and I couldn't make a sound I couldn't believe my ears, how different our life could've been if I wasn't that stupid to try and fix something that was unfixable.

\- Ellie, i knew you were the one for me the day I met you. I was the most bullheaded, angry and awful version of myself, and still, you didn't let that push you away. You pushed back and made my life better, gave me back the will to live, to keep fighting you gave me purpose, direction, you gave me home because wherever you are that's where my home is. But most importantly you gave me this amazing little boy, and I would never be able to tell you and show you how grateful I'm for that.- he continued, and with every word coming out of his mouth a tear would fall my face. How was that even possible, how did I get so lucky to be loved so much, so deeply by such an incredible guy?

\- Erin Elisabeth Lindsay, will you give me the greatest honor to call you my wife? - Jay finally asked, all I could do was nod, I didn't trust my voice, I didn't even know if I could find it right now. He slipped the gorgeous engagement ring on my finger leaving the wedding band inside of the Rose and got up and kissed me with such passion that if his arms weren't around me, I would've fallen out of my chair.

\- Gosh I love you - he said when our lips separated without moving away from me, his eyes were still closed, and his forehead was resting against mine, his arms hugging me tight

\- I love you too - I responded and gave him a small kiss on the tip of his nose before we were attacked by JJ, who jumped in between us demanding to be included into the hug

\- We love you to monkey - I whispered into his ear kissing his head and looking into my fiance's eyes over our son's head.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Here you, go, guys new chapter, new beginnings**

 **Thank you to all for the great responses to this story and I want to sincerely apologize for the grammer throughout the story the honest to god truth is that I rely too much on autocorrect and spelling check and if I don't see the red underline I don't pay much attention because when I write I'm on a roll. After VFBFan was so kind to remind me about the spell check I looked back and realized that my spellcheck/grammar program was busted. This is not an excuse it's just and explanation. I promise to be more careful in the future.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **September 2016**

 _It was eight o'clock on a Monday night, the whole team was ready, dressed in black, with vests on and the big guns out. Voight was in the front, followed by Olinski, everybody's backs were pressed against the wall of the old brick building we were about to raid. Adam had already confirmed the positions of the offenders inside the building and we were just waiting on Voight's sign. A few minutes later we got the sign and we got in guns up high, Hank and Alvin went forward, while Jay and I went left and Kim and Kenny took the right side._

 _\- CHICAGO POLICE! DON'T MOVE! - Hank yelled the moment we had the offenders in sight and all hell broke loose. Gunshots started flying everywhere, people yelling and running, who to get to a gun, who to get out of harm's way. It was chaotic, I didn't even realize when I had lost Jay into the madness, I rounded a corner and shot a guy, then went forward, made sure to kick the gun away from the body, and continued the search._

 _Another rounded corner and out of nowhere a sharp pain hit my midsection, strong enough to knock me on the ground. It took me a moment to be able to breathe again and get up, luckily the bullet hit my vest. I saw the perp turn few feet ahead of me so I followed him, got my back against the wall and peeked around the corner when I was sure it was clear I went ahead but there was no sign of the guy._

 _\- Erin! - I heard Jay call for me from somewhere behind me_

 _\- Over hear! - I responded and the next thing I felt was the pain in my side, followed by the warm feeling of something covering my clothes and body. I turned my head left and saw the perp I was chasing, the look on his face was like a madman, then I felt a jolt and more pain and warmness covering me, my legs gave in and I felt on the floor. I dropped my gun, and my hand automatically pushed on the painful spot like that could make the pain stop. Movement, then a gunshot, followed by more movement and then his voice_

 _\- ERIN! - this time he was yelling, I could sense the fear, the panic, the disappear in his voice. Jay's face showed up over me, and his hands were pulling mine away_

 _\- Erin stay with me! - he said looking even more afraid than before. I got confused, where would I go? Why did he ask me thatIi wasn't going anywhere, I was here, I was his_

 _\- I'm not going anywhere - I said and felt the pain again, for some reason I couldn't catch my breath again, and black spots had started to appear in front of my eyes._

 _\- I need an ambo! Right now! Erin is down! - Jay yelled into his radio and his voice started breaking I lifted my arm and touched his face, in attempt to reassure him_

 _\- It's okay - I whispered but had to cough, the air coming even harder. Jay kept talking to me, few moment later Hank showed up next to me and took my free hand. At some point, Gabby and Sylvie had joined the party and loaded me into an ambulance. I was taken to Chicago Med and entrusted to Will and Nat to take care of me._

 **October 2016**

It's been almost a month since the raid, since I got shot and then stabbed, the day I had almost died and I had lost the life of the baby I had no idea I was carrying. A lot had changed that day, I had changed that day. The consequences of the stabbing weren't only the dead of my baby, but also the ability of me having kids ever again, and that was a damage I had no idea how to deal with. Everybody tried to be there for me, dad, Jay, the team, Natt and Will, Gabby and Casey but none of then knew what to say. I was a mess, I felt broken, I would walk around the house like a ghost and every time I would look into my beautiful baby boy's face I would burst into tears.

Today wasn't any different then the last thirty, I woke up although I didn't want to be awake, tried everything to make my head stop, I was soo tired, I didn't want to think, nor breath, I felt broken, like a piece of me was missing and that piece made me who I am. My bedroom door opened and my cheerful baby boy ran in followed by his dad

\- Momma, momma! - JJ yelled and jumped on my bed and leaned forward to give me a kiss but he stopped mid-action. He looked frightened like he was afraid what would I do if he did kiss me. And that broke my already broken heart, I reached and pulled him into a tight hug, the tears started falling down my face and I didn't stop them. Jay crouched in front of me and whipped the tears, our gazes met and his gorgeous emerald green eyes were dull gray.

\- Come on buddy we need to go - Jay said rubbing our son's back. For the past month, Jay had been taking care of JJ, taking him to daycare, picking him up, playing with him, bathing him, reading bedtime stories. Jay had been the best father any kid could have and that was breaking me because I couldn't give him more kids, I couldn't give him those three years of fatherhood he had missed with JJ, he would never see my stomach get bigger, he would never feel the movement of a baby that he loves although he had never met it before, he wouldn't feel that overwhelming emotion to hold your newborn baby in your arms. Jay would never feel all of those wonders and it was my fault, I was broken.

\- Love ya, momma! - JJ said, gave me a quick kiss and jumped off the bed running out of the room, the same way he came in. Jay raised up then hovered over me for a moment and caressed my cheek

\- I love, you Ellie - Jay said and kissed my forehead then followed our son out of the room. I waited a few minutes and got up, moved to stand in front of the window and watched while Jay put JJ in the car, then ran and got into the driver's seat and took off. I stood there in front of the window watching life go by, people, cars, kids I watched and watched, I didn't now when he got into the room, I just felt his hand on my shoulder.

\- How am I supposed to this daddy? - I asked looking at him and the waterfalls started coming down my face. Hank wrapped his arms around me and hugged me as tight as he could.

\- One day at a time - he answered and kissed my head, then pulled me towards the bed sat down and let me curl into his lap like I was a little girl and let me cry, without saying another word. I don't know if it was minutes or hours but it felt like I had no more tears left in me, I moved to sitting position, rested my back against the headboard and looked at my dad for the first time in days, maybe even weeks

\- It hurts daddy, it hurts so much - I said and traded my fingers through my hair, there was nothing else to say, nothing I say could explain the way I felt.

\- I know. - Hank said and I was about to protest, to tell him that he has no clue, when he raised his hand, got up and left my room, then reappeared a few moments later with a small wooden box in his hands

\- A few months before we met, your mom and I were expecting a baby, everything was great until the day of the birth, there were some issues and the baby came out a stillborn. It was a girl, her name was Sophia your mom didn't like to talk about it. It was bad, she blamed herself and nothing I would say, nothIng I would do would make her feel better, that's when Dr. Charlse suggested we go on vacation, change the scenery, that's how we ended up in Amsterdam. She always thought that Sophia sent Justin to the lake that day, your mom believed that you were sent to us, to fill the void, to help us heal. - Hank told me and that brought a smile on my face, remembering mom, her words, remembering that amazingly strong woman, knowing what she had gone through made me feel close to her, and at the same time made me believe that maybe someday that pain inside me wouldn't hurt this much.

\- I love you daddy - I said moving closer to him and embracing him in a hug

\- Love you too kiddo, you know what pack a bag. Go to New York, spend some time with Olivia, Halstead and I will take care of the little monster. Maybe a change of scenery will help you, just like it did for us. - Hank said and after a little thought I agreed, got up packed a bag, changed clothes, in the meantime, Hank had booked me the first available flight and had given Olivia heads up. Hank drove to the daycare and then the precinct so I could tell my boys goodbye, Jay promised to call every night before JJ, goes to sleep and told me that he'll be right there when I come back.

I had to admit that Hank was right, just after about a week in New York I started to feel better, I don't know if it was the town, the apartment or the long talks with Olivia, but there was definitely a change. Two weeks later Olivia had gone to work for the day, so I had decided to spent my day outside, although it was the end of October the weather was nice, I grabbed a cup of coffee and a bagel and went for a walk in Central Park. The park was quiet and so beautiful, it was filled with all these different colors I was so busy in Chicago to stop and enjoy the small things, the color of the Fall's leaves, the song of the birds, the reflection of the water. I sat down on the ground near one of the lakes and breathed in the air, and started realizing how much I was missing Chicago. I missed my bubbly son, I missed my strict but amazing father, I missed my family but most of all I missed Jay. One of the biggest realizations I had was the fact that I wasn't the only one who lost that baby, that I wasn't the only one affected by the fact that I was unable to have kids. He was there, he was hurting and what did I do? I pushed him away. In that moment I realized that I was in the wrong town, I got up and headed to the entrance of the park, I was planning on getting my things and heading home when my phone went off. I looked at the caller ID and got confused

\- Al, what's up? - I asked answering the call

\- Hey, I know you're on the outs, you got a lot on your plate I figured you would want to know. Jay is been kidnapped - he said and the moment the words left his lips my hard sucked worse than in the past few weeks

\- I'm on my way! - was all I could say than hanged up the phone and ran as quickly as I could, grabbed a cap and started making phone calls. I got to Oliva's apartment, got all my stuff in and to my surprise she got in just when I was about to leave.

\- Erin, I'm glad you're still here, give me a minute to grab a bag I'm coming with you - she said and ran to her bedroom, emerging a few moments later. We were able to get on a flight almost immediately which helped a bit with my nerves I don't know what I would have done if I had to wait for a fight. We were in Chicago a few hours later and went straight to the precinct. When we walked in Hank was arguing with Adam and Kenney was trying to play the peacemaker

\- I'll do it! - I said interrupting the arguing, and all eyes were on me and the woman standing next to me

\- Get her out of here! - Hank said pointing at me and walked away

\- Hank! - I called after him ignoring the rest of the team

\- You are still on medical leave, not to mention the last time you were out you almost died! - Hank said raising his voice, I knew that tone it was his concern one, but it wasn't going to work this time

\- This isn't about me! This is about getting Jay back! This guy want's a female courier you and I both know it should be me - I said with the sternest expression on my face I wasn't backing down, not this time.

\- Are you here as a cop or to save your fiance? - he asked staring at me, provoking me, testing me

\- Does it matter? - I asked honestly. It didn't matter which part of me you ask, the police in me wanted her partner back, the civilian in me wanted her fiance, the father of her son, the love of her life back. There was a staring contest for a bit, then Hank, Olivia and I went into Hank's office he opened the drawer and pulled my badge out of it

\- This isn't your reinstatement, this is just for today, gear up - he said then handed the badge to me and I left, leaving him and Olivia alone. About an hour later I was standing alone in front of my car with a box filled with bogus CI information waiting for the guys that kidnapped Jay to show up. Of course, nothing went how it was planned, the perps didn't bring Jay how it was discussed and there was no way I was giving the files without Jay, so I got into their car and they took me to where they were holding Jay.

\- Boss, we got a guest, she wouldn't hand off the files unless she saw her boy - the lackey told the man in front of us the moment we walked in

\- Welcome! - the guy in charge said spreading his arms

\- We hold up our end - I said opening the box and showing the files

\- Go get him - the boss ordered. My heart was beating like hummingbird's wings, I hated this situation, I hated the fact that I was here without backup, that Jay was in this situation. I couldn't stop asking myself what if I was there, what if I had gone back to work, I could have prevented this but here we are... Few moment later the baboon brought Jay, he looked awful, his lips were covered with duck tape, his hands were bound behind his back, his shirt was unbuttoned and there were bruises on his face and chest. The guy pushed Jay on the couch and I ran to him removing the tape from his lips

\- Hey, Jay, it's okay I i whispered touching his neck and looking into his eyes

\- Ellie - he whispered back I tried to get him to stand up so we can get the hell out of here, but were stopped but the baboon

\- No way either one of you is walking out of here, not until this files check out - he said and pointed a gun at me, then took the files and disappeared leaving Jay and me with the boss. It felt like the time had stopped, it was excruciating to wait especially knowing that those files I gave them were bunch of lies.

\- I have to ask. How did you think this is going to play out? You kidnap a Chicago police officer doesn't seem like a smart business move - I said trying to distract the boss, to give Hank enough time to find us

\- I got what I asked for. Didn't I? What do you know about my business? - the boss asked, I got up and made few steps towards him

\- I know that if you are worried about a rat in your organization, it's already too late - I said and was about to make a move on the boss when the baboon from earlier came into the room telling the boss that our files were total crap

\- What you thought you could bring me box full of lies - the boss said angrily

\- I brought the box they gave me. If you want I can make a call - I responded trying to buy more time

\- I'm done making calls. Do him first and make her watch - the boss said to his baboon pointing at Jay. I tried to get Jay up again but the baboon got me and the boss pulled Jay away from me steering him towards the door. Jay and I were able to exchange a quick glance and almost simultaneously we attacked the man. Just before I left the precinct Alvin had given me a small ceramic knife that I hid in the hem of my jeans I pulled it out and stabbed the baboon, we fought for a bit, I had to stab him few more time before he was dead, in the mean time the boss had knocked Jay to the ground and was going for his gun I grabbed the baboon's gun from the floor and shot the boss in the shoulder

\- Don't move you are under arrest - I said pointing the gun to him, he didn't listen and went for his gun so I shot him few more times. The moment bot attackers were disarmed I ran to Jay and helped him up, then carefully opened the door and for my delight on the other side, i saw the rest of the team. Adam and Kenny helped Jay to the waiting ambo outside while Hank and Alvin and Olivia made sure I was okay.

\- Hank, I'm fine I need to see Jay - I said and ran outside, I saw him sitting on the back on the ambo and walked slowly towards him

\- You okay? - i asked

\- Just glad it was you they sent - he responded we looked at each other's eyes for a long moment then I gave in and ran the rest of the distance embracing him

\- It's okay Ellie, I'm okay - he whispered which made me squeezed a little tighter, and he yelped

\- I'm sorry, let's take you to the hospital - I said and we got into the ambo and were taken to the hospital. A few hours later Jay was realized with some minor cuts and bruises, nothing serious but he got a week medical leave.

\- Let's go get our boy and go home. Hank's whatever - I said walking into the room where Jay was waiting. We left the house and then went to pick up JJ

\- Momma! - he yelled the moment he saw me and ran into my arms I quizzed him tight

\- Gosh I missed you - I said showering his face with kisses then picked him up in my arms

\- Come on let's go home - Jay said giving us a hug and kiss on JJ's head and my lips.

\- I'm driving - Jay said while I was putting our son in his car seat

\- Jay, you just got out of the ER, I'm driving I know the way to my dad's house - I started arguing with him

\- We aren't going there - Jay said getting into the car and buckling his seatbelt

\- What are you talking about? You need to rest - I protested, buckling myself in and he drove off. We drove towards Hank's house, then passed it and drove few more minutes

\- I was going to tell you the day of the raid, but with everything that happened I couldn't find the right moment to do so - Jay started saying, then he pulled over and looked at me

\- I love you and I love JJ and I want us to be a family - he continued, which made my heart ache but this time it was from happiness, because although I spent the last two months pushing him away, although we lost our baby, although we can't have more babies he was still here, and he still wanted me

\- Jay, I already agreed to marry you - I reminded him, putting my hands on both sides of his face

\- It's not that, yeah it's that but not only that. What I'm trying to say is I want us to live together in our own home so I sold my apartment

\- Jay! - I said shocked we had talked about having our own place after the wedding but I didn't realize that he was already working on it

\- That's why I brought you here, I want you to check out this place, you saw it's just a few minutes away from Voight's house and it's not too far from the district and the daycare - he explained and got out of the car, got JJ out to and took my hand. The three of us were standing in front of a beautiful two story brick house, it had connected garage and was separate from the buildings around it.

We walked to the front door and Jay unlocked it, then opened the door and let us in. When we walked in we were met by a huge open space, the stair for the second floor was on the right side next to the door, and from my spot, I could see to the back of the house. On the left side was the dining area, in the middle there was a beautiful dark wood table with six chairs and there was enough space for more. We walked down the hall and on the left side we found ourselves into a huge kitchen, the cabinets were made from dark red wood, there were a huge fridge and island with barstools and in the corner, there was a small table with three chairs perfect for breakfast. The right side was filled with big living room, with leather couches, huge fireplace and a big ass TV, perfect for watching sports. From this part, you could go out on a small patio, with a garden set and BBQ. On the first floor, there was also an office and even a small home fitness. The second floor was occupied by the three bedrooms and three out of four bathrooms, there was a small balcony from the master bedroom.

\- Jay this house is amazing! - I said unable to keep my enthusiasm. I could imagine our family here, having our friends in that big dining area, or watching games on the TV, while we prepare food in the kitchen. I could see him playing catch with JJ in the back yard, maybe even a dog

\- Do you really think so? - he asked cautiously

\- Yeah, it's so much more than what I could imagine - I responded and stepped closer to him giving him a kiss on the lips, showing him just how muchIi liked it, he exhaled and relaxed, he was too tense

\- Jay, what's wrong? Are you hurting? - I asked remembering the beating he had endured just mere hours ago

\- There is something I need to tell you, and it makes it so much better that you love this house because I already bought it - he said and I could feel my jaw dropping

\- You, what? You serious? This is ours? - I started asking questions, unable to believe that I was standing in my home with two of the most important people in my life

\- Everything you see here is ours, everybody pitched in, you have to thank Olivia, Natt, Gabby, and Sylvie those ladies are the reason for all that amazing furniture, well except the living room that was the boys. - he said laughing and put his hand around my waist

\- Welcome home Ellie, I love you. - he whispered and his lips found mine for a sweet but passionate kiss

\- I love you Jay - I responded and wrapped my arms around his neck, engulfing our lips for another kiss. I couldn't believe how happy I was, I had and amazing and supporting family, a son who was the most intelligent and sweet little boy and a man who could turn even the darkest night into a day. I was loved, I was admired I was happy, I had no idea what did I do to deserve all of it but I didn't care because I wouldn't give up on it ever again.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N So I got a question about who Ellie is. I thought I made that clear in the beginning of the story but here it is again:**

 **In my story, Erin's full name is Erin Elisabeth Lindsay and when she worked at the RIC she was known as Elisabeth and Jay liked it so he created two nicknames for her El or Ellie. It is something personal just between the two of them.**

 **Also, I got a complaint about the quotation marks, punctuation and formatting and all I have to say is that just like I said in the beginning of the story I'm not an English native speaker and I didn't study** **Philology.** **I run the story pass a special program which was supposed to fix any mistakes but apparently it made it worse. I apologize for the inconvenience, I'll do my best to eliminate the problem but I can't promise to be perfect.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **January 13th, 2017**

For the most people, today was just a regular day, a cold day in mid-January, followed by even colder night. Most people woke up this morning and their world was the same, their day was like any other day but not me. Today was a special day for me, today was the last day I would spend as Erin Elisabeth Lindsay, daughter of Hank Voight, mother of Julian Jayson Lindsay and fiancee to the most amazing man in the world - Jayson Nathaniel Halstead. Tomorrow I'm going to be Mrs. Erin Halstead wife of the love of my life, the father of my son and I couldn't wait.

I would lie if I say that the past few months hadn't been hectic, between the new house, work and the preparation for the wedding I feel like I bearly had time to breathe, but the day was finally just around the corner. I was happy, excited but mostly impatient, I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with the amazing man I fell in love with over four years ago.

\- El, baby we'll be late! - I heard Jay's voice coming from the other side of the bathroom door. Tonight was our rehearsal dinner, our closest friends and family were expecting us at the Trump International Hotel & Tower where the dinner and the wedding itself were going to take place. I had spent the last hour locked into our bathroom getting ready for the evening.

I was dressed in a long sleeve pink dress that hugged my body perfectly and from mid thigh down, it flared out in a mix of the pink fabric and lace. My hair was in a low bun, with loose bangs that formed my face, the makeup was as little as possible, a bit of eyeliner, mascara and topped off with pink lipgloss. As for the jewelry, I put on hanging diamond earrings, a thin black and white diamond bracelet and my engagement ring. I took one last look in the mirror and smiled at the woman in the reflection, she was beautiful I was beautiful. I opened the door and walked into our bedroom, Jay's back was towards me and he was putting his suit jacket on.

\- I'm ready - I said and he turned around, and his hand went straight to cover his mouth

\- Gosh, you look beautiful - he whispered and took few steps, he reached me and creased my cheek with his fingers.

\- Thak you, you don't look too bad yourself - I responded smiling gently.

Jay was dressed in a distressed black suit, with white dress shirt, navy tie on dots with brown shoes, his hair was parted to the right and styled in its usual manner and his charming face was covered in light stubble.

\- We should go - I said, then kissed him lightly and stepped out of the room. Hank had taken JJ with him and they were meeting us at the hotel with the rest of the guests.

When we arrived at the hotel, Jay parked at the front and hopped out running lightly around the car, he gave the keys to the guy who helped me out of the car and turned towards me

\- Shall we? - he asked taking my hand and putting it around his, I smiled and nodded in response and we started walking towards the ballroom.

We stopped at the doorway for a moment, looked at each other, then looked around the room. The ballroom was dimly light by dozens of candle lights, the tables were put in a rectangle, covered with black tablecloths in the middle of each there were white candles put in different size and shape glass candleholders and in between, there were small flower centerpieces. It was beautiful, soft music mixed with the aroma of candles and jasmine were filling the air.

\- I love you - Jay whispered and I turned to look at him, realizing that he wasn't interested in the decoration, nor the music all he cared about was me and my heart melted

\- I love you too - I responded and then a small boy with dark hair and azure blue ice came running towards us.

\- Momma, you look like an angel - he said and I smiled, Jay picked him up and tickled him

\- Here they are! - Hank said loud enough for everybody to hear him and all eyes turned to us. We walked in and were met by the most important people in our life, they each got up from their spot and came to us to congratulate us and exchange hugs and few words.

Hank was first, followed by Lieutenant Olivia Benson, then Will and Natalie, Alvin, Kenny, Mouse and his girlfriend Nadia, Adam and Kim with the kids, followed by Antonio and Sylvie, Gabby and Matt even Kelly and Anna were here. After the greetings and hugs everybody took their places around the tables again putting Jay and me in the middle table, so we were able to see everything and everybody were able to see us. The rest of the night went smoothly, filled with laughter, conversations, stories about how our guest met us and their favorite stories about us it was a great night and around midnight everybody went home to catch some sleep before the big day. Hank demanded that I stay at his house, sleep in my bedroom one last time for old time sake and I agreed to do so, Natalie was going to stay with me too and Wil was going to spend the night at my house with Jay and both kids.

\- Good night Jay - I whispered, we were in front of the car everybody else had already gone home

\- I'll see you tomorrow gorgeous. I love you! - he said giving me a kiss goodnight, JJ had already fallen asleep, so I had to settle with kissing his sleepy head. Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.

 **January 14th, 2017**

It was early morning when Natalie came into my room to wake me up, dad had made breakfast and him Olivia and Nat were waiting on me at the breakfast table.

\- Are you excited? - Olivia asked few minutes after I sat down. She was helping Hank serving the breakfast and I smiled looking at them interact. I hadn't noticed before with what ease they were acting around each other, they didn't need words to know what the other one needed and I allowed myself to believe that maybe after all those years my dad had finally found someone tho love and cherish, someone to grow old with.

\- More than I can explain with words. When I was little back in Amsterdam, I never believed that I deserve happiness, that this kind of happiness even existed all I knew was the way Bunny lived her life and it wasn't something I wanted for myself. And don't get me wrong I did love Kelly but I didn't know true, unconditional love until I met Jay - I admitted and took a sip from my coffee

\- Oh, that's so sweet - Nat exclaimed and Olivia nodded in agreement. The rest of the breakfast was spent in discussions about hair and makeup, and who is going to get ready first, Hank had to excuse himself in the middle of breakfast cause he couldn't take the girl conversation any longer.

It was almost noon, my hair and makeup were already done and all that was left was to put my wedding gown on. I was standing in my room in front of the gorgeous A-line gown.

 _It was few weeks before Camille had died, I walked into the room to found her standing in front of the bed with huge white box in front of her_

 _\- Mom, what's going on? - I had asked her and she had smiled at me._

 _\- Come here, I was hoping to do that at the right moment, but I don't know if I'll be here for that - she had started explaining and took my hand bringing me to stand right next to her in front of the box._

 _\- Don't talk like that - I had tried to protest but she smiled and patted my hand_

 _\- I wore this dress in one of the best moments in my life and I would be honored if you decide to wear it in yours. - she had told me and opened the box. There in front of me in that big white box was a gorgeous white wedding gown. It had long sleeves and was floor length, the top part was covered with lace and had few gems in the front, and from the waist down it started to flare out creating an A-line silhouette._

\- Your mom would've been so proud to see you today - Hank's voice startled me. I turned around and saw him dressed in his dark blue suit on stripes, combined with lighter blue dress shirt and tie on dark and light blue stripes, he was standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets and smile on his face

\- I wish they were here - I responded with a sad smile. I didn't need to explain who they were we both missed Camille and Justin and we both knew that today wasn't going to be the same without them

\- I know I missed them too, every day, but I know they're as proud of you as I am and that they love you as much as I do - he said walking into the room and wrapped his arms around me engulfing me in a tight hug.

\- I love you too daddy - I said with a smile when he let go of me and took a step away from me

\- I have something for you. I know it's not exactly jewelry but I thought you may want to have them - he started and reached into his pockets pulling out something small

\- What's it? - I asked curiously following his action with my eyes

\- Those are Justin's first ever made dog tags. I thought that your mom will be with you through the dress maybe that way he can be too - Hanks explained his eyes never living the metal plated neckless.

\- Thank you! - I responded jumping into his arms for another tight hug, gave him a kiss on the cheek and he put the dog tags around my neck, then kissed the top of my head

\- I love you, now get dressed I think you made Halstead wait for you enough - he said with a light chuckle and left the room closing the door behind him.

Two hours later Hank and I were standing in front of the closed doors of the ballroom, soft music and whispers could be heard from the other side. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath on the other side of those wooden double doors next to an altar was standing the man of my life and in just a few minutes I was going to walk in and meet him there and we were finally going to be man and wife.

\- Are you ready? - Natalie had shown up with her small bouquet in hand and a huge smile on her face. This girl has been my saving grace, she had saved the life of my son, she had helped and supported the man that I love and she has been there for me in every moment I needed her even if I didn't realize I did - Natalie Manning Halstead was a miracle and she was my best friend.

\- More than ever! - I responded opening my eyes to look at her. JJ and Nate were in front of the doors, followed by Nat and Hank and me were last. The music changed, and a soft melody from guitar started, the moment the door opened and the music got louder my hand reached to my lips and I could feel the tears in my eyes. Jay had chosen all of the songs for the wedding and had kept them as a secret, the song to which I was going down the isle was no other than "Please Forgive me" by Bryan Adams. The same song I heard him play on his guitar so long ago, in his small dark room in the RIC. Hank patted my hand and gave it a little squeeze, both kids started walking forward, then Nat and with a light tug Hank pulled me forwards too. My gaze moved around the room, it was lit in blue, there were trees on both sides of the aisle, their crowns were intertwining on the top creating an archway making it look like a winter wonderland.

Hank patted my hand and gave it a little squeeze, both kids started walking forward, then Nat and with a light tug Hank pulled me forwards too. My gaze moved around the room, it was lit in blue, there were trees on both sides of the aisle, their crowns were intertwining on the top creating an archway making it look like a winter wonderland. Then I looked at all of the smiling faces of our friends and family, so many people had shown up for the wedding I was filled with gratitude and love. And then my gaze fall on the end of the aisle and there he was - Jay Halstead. He was dressed in a dark blue tux, combined with white dress shirt and bowtie, but that wasn't what stopped my breath. No, it was his eyes, his gorgeous emerald green eyes were filled with tears and adoration, his face had that expression like he had just seen the most beautiful thing in the entire world.

In that moment I wanted to run, to jump into his arms, but Hank's steady hand kept me in place, few more feet, few more steps and we were standing in front, Hank turned to face me, kissed me on the forehead, then put my hand in Jay's extended one.

\- Dearly, beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in a holy matrimony. Today Jayson and Erin proclaim their love to the world with this words. Jayson - the Minister said and I had to fight the tears of happiness that were attempting to cloud my vision

\- El, befoe I met you my life was filled with misery and pain and then you walked in and everything changed. I can count the happiest moments of my life on one hand and every one of them is related to you. I love you, Erin Elisabeth Lindsay. I love the way you challenged me like no one ever has. I love the way you look at me like no one ever has, and I love the way you love me like no one ever has. I can't imagine spending my life without you and our son, and if you say "yes" to me in a few minutes, I won't have to.- Jay said with a smile on his face while holding my hands

\- Oh, Jay, I don't even know from where to begin, we've been through so much. I've felt love and happiness before but until you walked into my life I didn't know what unconditional love and true happiness really are. And I can't possibly describe how much I love you, so I'll tell you why I love you. You've seen the darkest most grotesque side of people and yet you still find kindness and goodness in them. You've been lost and broken and yet you find the courage to save others. You've been hurt and yet you love with your whole heart. There's no one in this world I rather spend the rest of my life with and if you say "yes" in a few minutes I promise you that your son and I are going to spend the rest of our lives adoring and appreciating you. - I said and had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying

\- Jayson and Erin, you came here today to exchange these vows. Jayson, do you take Erin to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, so long as you both shall live?

\- I do!

\- Erin, do you take Jayson to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, so long as you both shall live?

\- I do!

\- The rings please - the minister said to Will and Nat and they handed the wedding bands to Jay and me

\- El, this ring symbolizes my desire that you be my wife from this day forward. - Jay said sliding the wedding band on my finger

\- Jay, this ring symbolizes my desire that you be my husband from this day forward. - was my respond putting the rose gold wedding band on his finger

\- If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. With the power vested in me by the state of Ilinois, I pronouns you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride - the minister finished. Jay's hand cupped my chin, and his lips met mine in the sweetest and romantic kiss ever.

About ten minutes later all of the guests were in the other ballroom where the reception was going to be held, I had taken few minutes to freshen up and now Jay and I were standing in front of the door, holding hands.

\- Ladies and gentlemen at this moment I'd like everyone to direct their attention to the dance floor as I introduced to you for the first time anywhere as husband and wife Mister and Missis Jayson Halstead. And now for their first dance. - the DJ said which was the queue for Jay and me to enter the room. There were cheers and applauses coming from everywhere while we made our way to the center of the room.

 _I'll never settle down,_  
 _That's what I always thought_  
 _Yeah, I was that kind of man,_  
 _Just ask anyone_

The slow song started and I smiled, Jay his arm around my waist and took one of mine with his, my free arm snaked around his back and we started swinging under the melody.

\- We did it - I whispered raising my head to look at him, he had a smile on his face

\- Yes, we did. How do you feel wife - he whispered back and my heart felt like was about to break my ribs and escape

\- Happy, husband - I responded smiling back at him

\- Gosh, I love you - was his respond and his lips crushed against mine.

 _I don't dance, but here I am_  
 _Spinning you around and around in circles_  
 _It ain't my style, but I don't care_  
 _I'd do anything with you anywhere_  
 _Yes, you got me in the palm of your hand_  
 _'Cause, I don't dance_

I loved the song that he had chosen for our first dance it was so much us, Jay always refuses to dance, he was great at the guitar, but was lacking dancing skills and yet here he was in the middle of the room with me in his hands turning and swinging under the melody of our first song. I hugged him tighter and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes enjoying the moment letting myself absorb it, believe that it's real.

\- So what's next? - I heard him whisper in my ear and I smiled lifting my head

\- Don't you know? It's a love story.. and they lived happily ever after! - I responded and creased his cheek, then gave him a small kiss. In few more turns, the music faded and the song ended, there was another round of applause, then the DJ announced that it was time for the father-daughter dance. Jay stepped back and I felt Hank's hand n my back we smiled and he pulled me into his arms when the music started again. I noticed Jay pulling Olivia on the dance floor and I couldn't hide my happiness. Luitenant Olivia Benson was getting along with everybody in my life, but she was fitting just perfectly in my family and she was making my dad smile more often.

I loved her first  
I held her first  
And a place in my heart will always be hers  
From the first breath, she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
And I prayed that she'd find you someday  
But it's still hard to give her away  
I loved her first

\- You look beautiful Mrs. Halstead - Hank said smiling at me, and I couldn't stop the huge grin that overtook my lips

\- Thank you, daddy. So does Olivia. - I acknowledge and for a moment I saw a look in his eyes I haven't seen in years.

\- She does, doesn't she - Hank responded and I laughed lightly it was funny how he was this tough guy that terrifies so many people on the outside but was so sweet and mushy on the inside.

\- You like her don't you? - I asked looking at him, I knew they were talking on the phone or skype but wasn't sure how serious things were

\- I do, we're going to try and do the long distance thing see what happens - he admitted looking at her and in that moment I knew he didn't just like he. Hank Voight was in love with Olivia Benson. And I was happy for them, they both deserved to be loved and to be happy and if they found it in each other that just made it more amazing.

\- I'm happy for you two. And I know mom and Justin would be too. - I said hugging him tightly and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

The night continued with a lot of fun, laughter, dancing and was filled with happy moments. Will and Nat's made their best man and maid of honor speeches, followed by speeches from Hank and Olivia even Antonio. Olivia was the one who caught my bouquet and that made her blush, and I couldn't miss the amused expression on my dad's face and the Mouse caught the garter which made Jay and Will die from laughter.

It was few hour in the reception when I was left by myself for the moment so I had the chance for the first time to look around and see all the decorations. The room was gorgeous, the long rectangular tables were surrounding the dance floor from each side, my table was on the upper side of the dance floor and the wedding cake was on a small round table on the right side. The tables were decorated with different sizes candle holders and flower centerpieces made from white and peach roses and jasmine flowers. The cake was tree layered with white frosting, with white ribbon on the bottom part of each layer and the same flowers from the centerpiece in between the layers, on top of the cake and all around it on the table. Everything was breathtaking and I couldn't be happier with the way it looked.

\- Erin - I heard my name and turned around to see Olivia sitting down in the chair next to me with a smile on her face

\- Hey, Liv - I said with a smile turning my body towards the older woman

\- How do you feel? Is it everything you imagined? - she asked with curiosity and I had to take a minute to think

\- No, it's so much more. You know when I was little living with Bunny I never thought that this is possible, that I would be here. And then my failed marriage with Kelly and Jay disappearing, never even considered the possibility of this happening. - I said shrugging my shoulders

\- But now that you are here? - she asked

\- Now I can't tell you how happy I'm. Dad told me about you too, I'm happy for you guys and I hope it works out - I said and at first, she was a bit taken aback from the change of the subject but she quickly regained her composure and smiled at me.

\- I hope so too - she admitted and I could see it in her eyes she felt the same way my dad did and that made me even happier. We talked for another few minutes enjoying ourselves before Jay interrupted us

\- You ready to go? - he whispered and shivers spread down my spine. JJ was going to stay the week with Natalie and Will. Jay and I were going to spend the night in our house and in the morning, we were going to London for our honeymoon.

\- Yeah - I answered and got up, we said our goodbyes, exchanged hugs with everyone of our guests, kissed and a hugged JJ and told him that we love him before we were escorted outside got into the backseat of the black limo and a few minutes later we were on our way home.

I cuddled into Jay's side and rested my head on his chest and my hand on top of his heart, his arm was around me and the other was stroking my face while we were looking at each other with adoration. In about twenty minutes the limo stopped and the driver opened the door for us, Jay hopped out first and offered me his hand to help me out. When I was out he made sure that we had everything, he grabbed my hand and we walked towards the front door. He unlocked it and dropped my purse inside, then turned around and picked me up

\- Welcome home Mrs. Halstead - he said carrying me through the threshold.

\- Welcome home Mr. Holstead - I responded kissing him with all the passion I had in me. I expected for him to put me down after we were inside but he didn't. Instead, he kicked the door close behind us and continued to carry me towards our bedroom. Some small part of my mind registered that the entire way from the front door to our bed was covered with rose petals and candlelight.

But it didn't matter for me my attention was focused on the lips that were crashing into mine. We made it to the bedroom and Jay put me down for enough time to help me get out of the wedding dress and me to help him out of his tux. The moment we were undressed his lips crashed against mine once more and his strong arms wrapped around my body. He lifted me up and carried me to the bed, laid me down gently and climbed on top of me. We looked at each other for a long moment, while he was stroking my cheek and neck

\- Gosh you're beautiful - he whispered and I smiled

\- I love you husband - I whispered biting my lip, and this boyish grin spread over his lips

\- I love you to wife - he responded and leaned forward kissing me again.

And that's how our happily ever after began.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N Here is the next chapter :) I hope you like it. I also want to let you know that the story is nearing its end, I appreciate all of your reviews and am grateful for the support and that you liked my story.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **July 2017**

Six months into my married life, everything was more than I could ever imagine. Jay straightens out all the paperwork needed so he was added to JJ's birth certificate as his father and our son officially got the name, Halstead. I was till getting used to the ring on my left ring finger and Jay calling me his wife, I was happy, more than I have ever thought that was possible.

Of course, since we were talking about my life there was no way it would stay happy and positive. It was an early July when I started noticing strange symptoms happening with my body. I was fighting nausea at all hours of the day, having weird food cravings, feeling fatigued a lot and I just had realized that my period was late. So I decided to go check myself up at Chicago Med but didn't tell Jay anything I had my suspicions but I wanted to be sure before I told my husband.

\- El, babe it's time to go - Jay called from the bottom of the stairs and I took few deep breaths trying to mask my face, so he doesn't suspect anything

\- You go ahead I promised to grab coffee with Nat - I said going down the stairs and gave JJ, a kiss on the forehead

\- Have a good day at daycare monkey I'll see you later - I said kissing him again and then got up and kissed my handsome husband

\- I love you - he whispered against my lips and hugged me tighter, which made me smile

\- I love you too, now go I'll see you at work - I responded and ushered them towards the door. Once I was sure they were gone ran back upstairs grabbed my stuff and ran out, jumping in my car and drove towards the hospital.

I got in and Nat managed to sneak me in one of the rooms, so Will wouldn't find out what was happening. I explained what was going on and about my suspicions, she examined me and ordered few tests then left me alone in the room until the tests were ready. I was walking back and forth in the small room, biting on my nail, stressing and hoping that by some miracle the results were going to be positive and I would be able to go to work and tell my amazingly, loving husband that we were pregnant. It was about half an hour later when Nat came back with her tablet in hand but she didn't need to say anything her face said it all

\- I'm sorry Erin, but you aren't pregnant. You have a condition known as Hypothyroidism, it's nothing serious you just need to adjust your diet and increase the intake of vitamins - Nat explained and continued telling me about the condition itself and that it can be managed. We talked for a bit until there was a knock on the door and for both of our surprise Jay walked in and William was right behind him.

\- Hey - I started getting up quickly trying to act normal, but it didn't work out in my favor

\- We'll give you a moment - Nat said and they walked out, closing the door and leaving Jay and me alone

\- Why didn't you tell me? - he asked stepping closer to me and hugging me kissing my head

\- I didn't want to get your hopes up just to crush them. I hurt you enough the last time - I responded hiding in his embrace.

\- It's going to be okay I promise. I love you - he whispered and we stayed there wrapped into each other's arms, without saying anything else. Afterward, we went to work and later that night we picked up our son from daycare and spent a nice evening with our little family.

At first in the days after my visit to the ER, we tried to pretend like it never happened, tried to keep living our life just like before but it didn't work out like we wanted it. Jay tried to pretend like he wasn't disappointed by the result like everything was okay, but I could see it in his emerald green eyes every time he looked at JJ or his eye catch walking family. I can't say that I blamed him I was feeling the same way, I was disappointed, hurt and was slipping into the same black hole I was in when we lost the baby.

After a long talk, we decided to see the best specialist the country have to offer and the money could by, hoping we get a different answer, maybe some kind of treatment, anything that could help us have our next baby. The next few months were exhausting, we saw more than five different specialists, we had tons of tests performed on us unfortunately to no avail. Every single one of them said the same thing, there wasn't anything they could do, that the chances for me to get pregnant were slim to a minimum and it would be a miracle if it happens.

 **Chicago**

 **October 2017**

It was mid-October, we had a rough case involving killed eight-year-old boy, it took us few days to chase all the leads and find the killer, and in those days we had to interview a bunch of people, most of them kids, who came from the foster system. All those kids just needed someone to take a chance on them, give them the opportunity that JJ had, that I had.

On the end of the week, I was mentally and physically exhausted, my little family was in the house, we had dinner and Jay took JJ upstairs to get him ready for bed, while I loaded the dishwasher and followed them. By the time I got to JJ's bedroom door, the little guy was in bed and Jay was sitting next to him, I was just about to walk in when I heard my boys talking.

\- Daddy, what does it feel like to have a brother? - my almost four-year-old son asked

\- It's great buddy, like having a best friend for the rest of your life - Jay responded and tears were starting to fill my eyes

\- I wish I had a baby brother so, I can play with him always - JJ responded and I had to run into my bedroom so he doesn't hear me sobbing.

I cried like a baby until an idea popped into my mind, just before Jay walked in.

\- Babe? What's wrong? - he asked running to the bed and sitting in front of me, pulling my face into his hands

\- I want us to adopt a child - the words just spilled out of my mouth, but it was true. I couldn't get pregnant but that didn't mean we couldn't have another child, that JJ couldn't have a brother or a sister

\- El, are you sure? Where did this come from? - Jay was surprised to say at best, his face was a mix between worry and confusion and delight

\- I heard your conversation with JJ and those kids from the case. Jay I know I can't get pregnant but that doesn't mean we can't have another kid, we both have so much to give and those kids in foster care they need love and support - I started explaining, but instead of an answer Jays lips crashed against mine

\- I love you and your big heart Erin Elisabeth Lindsay - he said between kisses

\- Halstead - I mumbled responding to his kisses, wrapping my limbs around hi body

\- What? - Jay asked pulling away from my lips and looking into my eyes

\- You called my Erin Elisabeth Lindsay. It's Erin Elisabeth Halstead - I responded giving him a kiss with each of the words. We continued our kissing game, followed by clothes flying everywhere and a lot of passion for the next few hours.

When we started with the idea of adoption I didn't realize how difficult of a process that thing was, nor that it will take so much time. Not only the background checks and the credit checks and every other kind of checks you can think about. The home visits and interview with everybody in our life the process could take up to few years. It took three months just to be cleared and pre- approved for the possibility of adopting a kid. Then we had to decide if we were going to try to adopt a newborn, a toddler, kid, teenager and actually go and meet some of the kids.

After the first two months, the countless interviews and home visits I had started to lose hope, it all seemed like we'll never get approved and I felt like the world was crashing down on me again. There were so many things to think through, so many things needed to be changed. The adoption agency was worried about Jay and my busy work schedules, extra hours, and most importantly the danger we put ourselves every single day.

When I started working with Hank when I first step foot in the 21st precinct my life changed I had found not just a job but I had found myself, my calling and I never thought looking back, I never imagined myself doing anything else but being a cop. But then again I never had thought I would be here too, that I would be married to the man of my dreams, that I would have my own little family and that I would want more.

So after three long months and a lot of consideration, I made the decision to ask Hank to limit my hours and time in the field. It was the hardest thing I could do, it was difficult knowing that I wouldn't be there to have Jay's back at all times, but this was the best decision for our family and everyone was there supporting me. I wasn't sure if that would help us or not if that would change the adoption agency's mind or not but I was happy. I had to go home at five pm every day and have more time with my son.

 **Chicago**

 **April 2018**

It was six months after the beginning of the adoption process, and three months after I went to set work schedule when we got a phone call. The agency had an emergency case, mom and her baby girl were in a car crash, the mom was in a very bad shape in Chicago Med and the baby girl was being sent to foster care since there was no one else to take care of her. So our agent thought that it would be a good idea to give us a chance to take care of the baby until the mom could take care of her. The agent called it a test if we do good there is a high chance we can jump a big hoop and go forward with our application.

That day Hank let Jay and I leave together around five o'clock, we picked up JJ and took him out for ice cream.

\- Hey, monkey, listen, daddy and I need to tell you something - I started few minutes after we sat down.

\- Okay - he said enjoying his ice cream

\- Buddy, there is this baby girl, she is nine months old, her name is Lilly and she is going to come live with us for a few weeks - Jay started explaining while looking between our son and me

\- Is she going to be like my sister, like you and uncle Will? - JJ asked Jay and I couldn't ignore the pull on my heart

\- No, buddy, see, her mom is very sick and she needed someone to take care of her - Jay explained and played with our son's hair. We looked at each other and exchanged a little smile. We were both hoping that things would change, that this opportunity was the beginning of something new, of something beautiful.

After we were done with the ice cream we stopped at the children's store and both a bunch of things both for the baby and JJ. Then we went back home, had a nice family dinner and both Jay and I put JJ to sleep. After our boy was asleep, Jay decided to work on the spare bedroom. Ever since we moved into the house there was one bedroom right between JJ's and ours that we had no idea what to do with, so we were using as a storage room. So Jay and I moved all the boxes into the attic, then cleaned the room and together we put together the baby crib and changing table we had both earlier that day, organized the toys and all of the clothes and diapers and thing we had bought in preparation for the arrival of baby Lilly the next day.

Hank gave us the day off, so we could meet the social worker and spent the next three days getting used to the new schedule, considering Jay had never dealt with a baby in the house and I had forgotten what it was having a nine-month-old. For a surprise, JJ was up and running around the house at six in the morning, which meant Jay and I were up too. And while Jay made breakfast for us JJ and I took care of our morning routine, brushing teeth, getting dressed and chasing each other down the stairs to the kitchen.

\- Morning daddy - JJ squeaked and ran towards his dad jumping in his arms. There was no better sight in this world

\- Are you excited? - Jay asked while I was picking the little boy up and putting him in his chair.

\- Yeah! - he said and started jumping up and down in his seat. We sat down and had a nice breakfast, talking about what we want to do for the day, and maybe the next few days. After we were done I started cleaning things up, while the boys were playing around the house, waiting for the social worker. She finally arrived around nine o'clock with baby Lilly in her arms. We showed her around the house, then showed her the spare bedroom that we had turned into a nursery the previous night and came back to the first floor.

\- I see that you've done a lot of good things, to prepare fo the baby and that is a good start - Sharon - the social worker said when we sat down to talk

\- We tried, we also bought baby formula, I didn't know if she was allergic or not so we both regular and a soy one and we are prepared to make baby food for her if she was already introduced to solid foods. - I said pointing my finger towards the fridge. We stayed there for about another half an hour, the worker explained to us what they were expecting from us, how things were going to happen, that we were going to have unexpected visits and scheduled once so they can make sure that we take care of Lilly the way we were supposed to.

After the social worker left we spent few hours in the house just the four of us, enjoying the peace and quiet, we were sitting on the couch, Jay on one side, JJ on the other and the little baby in my arms, they were playing with her and she was enjoying it. Then we got ready, packed the brand new stroller and car seat in the car and all four of us took off. We started with the Chicago Children's museum where I wasn't sure who was the kid and who was the adult one but it was really amazing to see the smile on my boys' faces. After the museum, we went for lunch and then to the Navy Pier and ended up taking a walk in Millennium Park, by the time we got back to the house both kids were passed out, Jay took JJ to his room and, I changed Lilly and put her in the crib.

\- It was a good day - Jay whispered, hugging me from behind while I was standing in the doorway of the nursery room looking at the little girl in the crib

\- Yeah, it was - I agreed and turned around to snuggle in his embrace. We stood like that for a bit then I kissed JJ on the head and Jay and I ended the night snuggled in our bed fell asleep in each other's arms.

We had an amazing month with baby Lilly in our life, we spent every possible moment with her and JJ, and the desire to have another kid was getting bigger with every single moment I spent looking at the happy faces of my baby boy and the little girl, he deserved it. Jay deserved it, to feel the amazing thing it is when you see your baby take its first step, say it's first word, their first giggle. It was just a month and our lives were changed for the better and it was really difficult when we had to give baby Lilly back to her mother.

Sharon came to the house that day and took the smiley baby away, it was so heartbreaking to see her go, but we knew it was what it was, we knew she wasn't ours to keep. And somehow the house felt so quiet and so peaceful without the giggles of the baby. And then it all changed, later that same day Sharon called again but this time what she had to tell us was something we had hoped to hear all those months ago. There was a three-year-old baby boy, who needed a home and a strong and loving family and after the way, we took care of Lilly the adoption agency were ready to discuss the documents needed so we could officially adopt the little boy.

After meeting with the social workers and discussed everything we got the chance to meet the little boy and both of us fell in love with him. His name was Jesse Kaeden, he had dark hair almost the same shade as JJ's and even similar face shapes. He was so small and shy and so adorable. A few days later we were able to schedule a meeting with bot JJ and Jesse and the boys hit it off just perfectly. It was like they were together all their lives and for them, it didn't matter how they met they were friends just a few minutes after they had met.

It was the beginning of July when the got approved for the adoption and the paperwork was in motion, so it was time for us to tell JJ that he was going to have a baby brother. I made dinner, making sure I prepared JJ's favorite food - meat loaf stuffed with boiled egg, carrot and pickles and baked potatoes on the side. Jay picked JJ from daycare and when they came hope, the table was already set

\- Momma, momma where home! - he yelled from the door running to me, I bent down to pick him up and hugged him tight

\- Go wash your hands, dinner is ready - I said giving him a loud kiss and a light slap on the butt

\- Hey, gorgeous - Jay said finally coming into few with this huge boyish grin on his face, stepped closer and gave me a kiss.

We sat around the table and made sure that we had everything on our plates, then started eating quietly for a moment, then JJ started telling us about his day and all of the crazy things he had done in daycare, the songs he had learned, the paintings the had painted and the games he had played. He was so happy, so full of joy and cheer. I didn't realize how fast the time had passed but the next thing I knew we were done with the main meal and Jay was bringing the small cake we had picked out

\- Cake? Why do we have cake it's not my birthday - JJ asked, and his father and I exchanged glances before he brought the cake to the table

\- We have a surprise for you - Jay said and moved his head closer to me and our son

\- JJ, you like Jesse right? - I asked raising my eyebrow at him, and he started nodding

\- How would you feel if he comes to live with us, permanently? - Jay asked him and the look on his tiny little face was priceless like you told him that Christmas, Halloween, and Easter would happen on the same day.

\- And he'll be my brother? Like for real? - he asked jumping up and down in his seat, both Jay and I nodded. JJ got up and started running around the table, that stopped in front of me, then Jay giving us huge hugs

\- I'm going to clean my room so he can stay with me - JJ said and took off running up the stairs, I couldn't keep the laughter in

\- He is your son - I told Jay shaking my head

\- You still love us - he shot back and gave me a kiss on the lips. We cleaned the kitchen and went upstairs. Getting JJ to sleep was an extremely difficult thing to do, he was so excited about Jesse moving in with us and having a new brother that he was like on a sugar high. It was way past nine o'clock when he finally passed out from the exhaustion and Jay and I, were able to go back to our room.

We did our night routines and sat in our bed cuddling, it was one of my favorite things being in my husband's arms, in the comfort of our home.

\- I love you, Mrs. Halstead, I love you with all I have - Jay whispered while playing with my hair

\- I love you too, Mr. Halstead and our two boys - I responded and there was this laugh from him half a happy one, half one of disbelief

\- Our two boys - he repeated and his lips crashed against mine, his hands wrapped around my body and he laid me down hovering over me and we continued kissing and enjoying our love.

 **Chicago**

 **September 2nd, 2018**

Today was a day filled with so many mixed feelings, joy and pain and happiness and sadness. On one hand, today happens to be 12 years since Justin went MIA and although it's been soo long it still hurt and it was still sad. But on the other hand, today was the day Jesse will finally move in with us. The paperwork was finalized this morning and the social worker said that she'll bring him by in few hours. JJ was extremely excited, we tried to create Jesse his own bedroom but JJ didn't let us he demanded that his baby brother will sleep next to him, we got lucky that we were able to convince him to at least let us get a bed for Jesse.

We were supposed to have the entire day off, but Hank called us that they're doing a random drug test for the entire district so we had to go in for a that, which gave us the opportunity for JJ to see the family, spent some time playing in his grandpa's office. When we were done, Hank took us for a lunch and the kid had the best time ever. We talked about Jesse and Hank couldn't wait to spend more time with his grandbabies.

It was a little after two pm when the doorbell rang, I opened the door and there in front of me was Sharon and the small three-year-old boy who was officially our son. I let the social worker in and hugged the little boy, Jay came from the kitchen with JJ in his arms. They came to us and he wrapped one arm around me and Jesse and there we were the four of us, finally, a family embraced in each other's arms. In a few minutes, we let the kids down and they started running around and playing while Jay and I were talking with the social worker.

\- Congratulation Jay and Erin, you are officially Jesse's parents. We're still going to visit you and make sure that Jesse is being taken care of and that everything is going okay - the woman said and gave us the papers in which was stated that we have officially adopted this adorable little guy.

\- Thank you - Jay and I said in unison and escorted the worker out. Jay and I prepared dinner together while the kids were playing on the floor in the living room, when we were done we had a nice family meal, followed by a movie and all four of us cuddling in Jay and my bed, with the kids between us.

\- Life is good Ellie - Jay said caressing my face

\- It's perfect - I responded kissing the head of the little boy in my arms, then the bigger boy and my handsome, supportive husband in the end. And that's how we fell asleep. Looking at each other with all the love and happiness in the world, my heart was soo full and blissfully happy, there was nothing better than this.

I was woken up by the annoying buzzing of my phone, for a moment I was disoriented, then I looked at my boys and a huge smile spread on my lips but got distracted when my phone started buzzing again. With annoyance, I got out of bed, grabbed my phone and walked outside on the balcony to take the phone call

\- Detective Erin Lindsay? - the person on the other side of the phone asked

\- This is she - I responded and the woman introduced herself as a nurse from the laboratory calling about my results from the drug test and the moment she said my stomach turned upside down. We talked for about ten minutes, mostly she was talking and then hung up. I was standing there on the balcony of my house, with tears going down my face, one hand holding the railing for dear life, the other was on my stomach.

\- Babe, you okay? - Jay asked and I jumped, I didn't hear him coming out, my mind was in entirely different place

\- Ellie, what's wrong? - he asked when I turned around to face him, my reached my shaking hand towards my lips

\- It was a nurse from the laboratory, calling about the test results from yesterday - I said taking deep breaths between words

\- El, you're freaking me out, what did she say? Are you okay? - he asked taking my face in his hands and using his thumbs to wipe my cheeks.

\- Jay, she said that something showed up in the results - I said still unable to believe the wordI i heard but she repeated it few times

\- Babe, take a deep breath and tell me what is going on - he said and I could see the fear in his eyes

\- Jay, she said I'm pregnant. She checked the test few times she is a hundred percent sure. - I said and his eyes got as big as donuts

\- You're pregnant? - he asked with a surprised in his voice

\- We're pregnant - I repeated and the next thing I know I was been spun around in a happy dance.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Here it is the new chapter, I'm sorry it took me so long to update but I wanted to make sure it was as good on here as it was in my head.**

 **I promise to do my best and not make you wait too long for the final chapter.**

 **I hope you enjoy this one, as always your review are greatly appreciated!**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **Chicago**

 **September 2018**

 _-_ You're _pregnant? - he asked with a surprise in his voice_

 _\- We're pregnant - I repeated and the next thing I know I was been spun around in a happy dance._

We decided not to tell anything to anybody, we quietly went back inside, both boys were still asleep in our bed, we kissed them and went downstairs. I started making breakfast while Jay went to the store. I tried telling myself to wait, to make sure that it was true, to hear it from Natalie or Will before I allow myself to be thrilled, to be happy but my heart didn't want to hear my brain. I was standing next to the stove, waiting on the pan for the pancakes to heat up and my hand ended up on my flat stomach and a huge smile spread on my lips. I was halfway done with the breakfast when Jay got back he walked to me and gave me a kiss, before handing me a medium paper bag, and I headed towards the bathroom before he stopped me

\- Ellie! No matter what they say know that I love you - he said with a warm smile on his face and sparkles in his eyes.

\- I know babe, I love you too - I responded and went into the bathroom. Took I deep breath and emptied the bag on the counter, laughing for a moment seeing maybe ten different pregnancy tests in front of me. I started opening them one by one and reading the instruction and the proceeded into taking them and then the wait. I was pacing back and forth the whole time, biting my thumbnail I was terrified that they'll all be negative and I would break our hearts again.

Took I deep breath and emptied the bag on the counter, laughing for a moment seeing maybe ten different pregnancy tests in front of me. I started opening them one by one and reading the instruction and the proceeded into taking them and then the wait. I was pacing back and forth the whole time, biting my thumbnail I was terrified that they'll all be negative and I would break our hearts again. A minute or two after I started pacing there was a knock on the door and I quickly opened it to find my handsome husband waiting impatiently. He came in and closed the door behind him, then wrapped me it his arms and hugged me so tights that I wasn't able to breathe for long, a moment later he let go of me and wee looked at each other for a long minute or so before the timer went off

\- Here goes everything - I whispered and turned to face the sink counter where all the tests were scattered, Jay grabbed my hand and stood tall beside me. I closed my eyes for a moment and opened them the moment gasp left Jay's lips I looked at him and then at the counter and my hand went straight to my face and I started crying. Every single one of the tests those tests came out positive.

\- Momma - we heard coming from upstairs. Jay and I looked at each other for a moment

\- We'll have breakfast, then drop the kids off at Hank's and go see Natalie at the hospital - Jay said and I nodded in agreement then he left the bathroom heading upstairs to get the boys while I put the tests back in the paper bag and got back into the kitchen, throwing the bag into the trash can and turned around just in time to see the two little figures running down the hall towards me.

And just like we planned we had breakfast spending some time with both our boys, listening to their laughing and being so excited to have each other and planning to spend the whole day playing around. It was the best thing ever seeing your kids so happy and when we told them that we're taking them to grandpa's house after breakfast JJ got even more excited and started explaining to JK about all the toys and cool stuff there were to do in grandpa's house and how awesome he is. By the time we were done with breakfast both boys couldn't wait to get out of the door and go spend time with Hank, which was adorable if you ask me. Jay cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes while I got the boys dressed, prepared a backpack for them, got me dressed and ready and while Jay was getting ready helped the boys to put their shoes on and got into the car seats.

We dropped the kids at Hanks, which got him worried at first since we didn't call to warn him, nor we explained what was going on, the only thing we told him was that we needed to do something very important and we'll explain everything when we get back. He wasn't very happy with the fact that he was kept in the dark but the two very happy and energetic boys that were calling for him to come and play with them was enough to give us a pass. About thirty minutes after we dropped the kids at my dad's we were sitting in an exam room waiting on Natalie to come and tell us what was going on.

\- Everything will be okay - Jay said for I don't know what time but I needed to hear it and I was grateful that I had him and that he was with me this time around.

\- I love you - was all I said, it was everything it was a thank you, it was an I'm grateful, it was an I don't know what I would do without you.

We were both surprised when a few minutes later after a knock on the door in the room walked in not only Natalie but also Will for a moment all four of us were quiet and that made me feel nervous, Jay grabbed my hand and then looked at his brother

\- So? - he asked prompting for a respond and in that moment the faces of both doctors turned into huge smiles

\- It's positive, you are pregnant - Nat said and I took a deep breath not realizing that I had stopped breathing for a moment. The boys hugged each other while Nat was preparing the big machine next to me and prompted me to lay back

\- You know how that works, we're going to do an ultrasound to see the baby and how far along you are and if we're lucky we'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. - Nat told me and I nodded then looked at Jay who was once again sitting on the chair right next to me, holding my hand. I picked up my shirt and Nat squirted some gel on my belly and proceeded to move the ultrasound wand over my belly and soon after a picture showed up on the screen followed by the sound of what seemed like a Hammer blow of a locomotive. My baby's heartbeat, we listened in an awe then I heard it and my hand went to my lips, tears started filling my eyes the moment Natalie and Will looked at each other and then at me

\- What's going on Jay asked in confusion

\- I'm getting two heartbeats - Natalie said smiling at us and my tears started falling freely down my face

\- That's normal right I mean Ellie's and the babies? - Jay asked still confused looking between me, Natalie and his brother

\- Let me rephrase it if we count Erin's there are three heartbeats - Natalie said and Jay's face changed for a moment

\- You mean - he started but didn't finish his question

\- What Nat is saying is that you're about t be a daddy of twins little brother - Will said with a huge boyish grin on his face almost the same as the one that was spreading on Jay's face when he turned to look at me. There was nothing more to be said, it was so much more than anything we could hope for, Jay put his free hand on my face and leaned forward giving me a kiss then both of our hands found their way to cover my flat stomach. Nat gave me some tissues to clean myself up and Jay helped me to get off of the bed and gave me a big hug before we pulled apart and received congratulations and hugs from my brother and sister - in law.

\- So you're six weeks pregnant, your due date seems to be May seventeenth. Everything looks fine, the babies are the right size I'll print you the ultrasound picture and prescribe you some prenatal vitamins. - Natalie explained and gave me a quick hug before she headed to the machine to do what she said. A few minutes later we were all set and were about the head out when we were stopped by Will

\- Oh, by the way, Nat is pregnant too - he blurted it out and yelled a moment later when he got hit in the stomach by his beautiful brunet wife

\- Congratulations! - Jay and I said going back and giving them hugs and then stepped away

\- How far along are you? - I asked curiously the idea of being pregnant at the same time as my best friend that also happens to be my sister was thrilling

\- Just got into the tenth week. We wanted to tell you but were waiting for the right time - she explained and I smiled a bit knowing exactly what she had in mind. She was afraid how would I react knowing that she is getting what I thought I couldn't

\- You know I would have been happy for you even if I wasn't pregnant, right? - I had to make sure she knew that, that I was happy for her, that I had accepted my situation, although it was so much better that everybody was wrong about it.

\- I know, but now it's so much better - she said and I agreed on full heartedly. We talked for another few minutes then said our goodbyes and Jay and I headed back towards Hank's house. We stopped on our way and got ice cream and different toppings before we made it to my dad's house.

\- We're back - I said walking into the house and two little monsters came running to us we got hugs and when they saw the back with ice cream started running around the living room/ kitchen area cheering that there is ice cream for dessert. Jay and I walked towards the kitchen where Hank was standing next to the sink washing some veggies probably getting things ready for lunch.

\- Everything okay? - he asked looking at us with suspicion and his face became serious when he looked at mine recognizing the signs that I've been crying.

\- Hey, kids who wants to jump on the trampoline? - Jay asked and the kids ran out in a flash, he kissed my head and followed them

\- Will you tell me what the hell is going on? - Hank asked dropping everything and pulling me to sit on one of the tall bar chairs. I pulled the small white envelope from the pocket of my sweatshirt and played with it for a moment.

\- I got a phone call this morning from the lab where the drug tests were done. They needed Jay to retake the test because somehow they mixed our tests when I asked her what she means they mixed the test's she responded that according to the results of Jay's test he was pregnant

\- So they screwed up and cross contaminated the results - he said with annoyed look in his eyes not realizing what I was saying

\- Jay went to the store and bought few tests and I took them, they were all positive we didn't want to say anything until we talked with Nat but she confirmed it - I explained and gave him the envelope, his face had turned from annoyance to disbelieve he opened the envelope and pulled the ultrasound photo out of it

\- Is this real? - he asked and I could see his facade fading away

\- Daddy, I'm pregnant! And it's twins - I said half crying, half laughing at this point his eyes were also filled with tears he pulled me into a tight hug and kissed my head

\- I love you baby girl - he whispered and I smiled wide. It took us a few minutes to get our composure back and he started preparing lunch while I went outside to see my boys. They were playing soccer and running around in the yard filled with joy and happiness. JJ saw me first and run to me jumping into my arms giving me a noisy kiss on the cheek. Jay followed him a moment later carrying JK in his arms we sat down on the couches and talked for a moment listening to the boys telling us about all the things they did with Hank, JK was saying how much he like's it here and how much he loves his grandpa, Hank.

We decided not to tell the boys just yet about my pregnancy JK had just moved in permanently with us, we wanted to give him some more time to get used to the idea that he has a family, that he is not alone anymore and that he won't ever go back in the foster system no matter if we have another one, two or five kids he was here to stay. So after few more minutes, we got back inside and all six of us helped Hank preparing the lunch, then we sat at the table and enjoyed a nice family meal, talking about different things, about organizing a play date with their cousin Nathaniel and the other kids of the gang.

 **Chicago**

 **December 2018**

The past few weeks have been filled with so many emotions, adopting JK, finding out I was pregnant, then find out it was with twins, JK's third birthday at the end of November and the week after JJ had turned six. Our life was filled with happiness and joy. At work nobody knew that I was pregnant, thanks to the cold Chicago's winter and the baggy sweaters I was able to hide it pretty well, there was a lot of things that we needed to figure out for ourselves before we tell our team. Jay and I both loved our jobs in the Intelligence both there were more important things on our minds like the fact that in just a few months we would have four kids under the age of six and that was a lot of responsibilities. It took us a few weeks, a bullet hitting a vest and a miscarriage scare to figure out just how our family was more important than our jobs. And after talking with Hank and the Chief and few other people on the chain of command we had our decision made.

We decided to get everybody together for Christmas dinner and tell them about my pregnancy and our decision about the job, so here it was I was nervous and at the same time excited, didn't know how would people react but it didn't actually matter because I was happy. Jay reserved a privet room in one of the restaurants and pre-arranged a rich banquet where there would be a thing for everybody. Oliva Benson flew from New York yesterday and with her help and Natalie's we wrapped all the presents and got ready for the evening while the boys were playing with the kids. We got the kids dressed and ready, while the boys got the presents in Hank's car since he had most space.

By eight o'clock we were all gathered in the room of the restaurant, we had started our dinner and the kids have been playing around us, Jay and I looked at each other for a moment, then we got up and he ringed on his glass to get the attention of our family on us. In that moment it felt like our rehearsal dinner or wedding reception with everybody gathered around the table and us standing in the spotlight.

\- So, some of you already know why we asked you to gather here today and some of you probably have their suspicions - Jay started

\- Other than the fact that we wanted to celebrate this amazing holiday with all of you of course - I added and everybody started laughing.

I looked around the tables to all the smiling faces looking at us. From Hank and Olivia, whose romantic relationship has been getting stronger and stronger the past year or so, to Will and Nat with her visible baby bump and little Nathaniel who was the same age as JK. To Adam and Kim with their two-year-old baby girl Esther and their adopted teenagers Vanessa and Jordan, who also happen to carry with them the spirit of our fallen friend and their brother Kevin Atwater. To Alvin and his wife Meredith and their daughters Lexi and Michelle. To Mouse and his pregnant fiance Nadia and Kenny and his girlfriend Amanda. Matt and Gabby Casey and their six-year-old son Louie and their two-year-old daughter Chloe Grace, Gabby's brother Antonio and his wife Sylvie and their two-year-old daughter Noelle and Antonio's kids from his ex- wife Eva and Diego who had been living with their dad and stepmom since they got together. Even Kelly and Anna Severide were here with their nine months old daughter Leslie. Our entire world was here and they were all happy, although the struggles we've met on down the road, the pain and heartbreaks we all had an amazing life and we were all family.

\- First, we wanted to tell you how much we love you guys and how much we appreciate every one of you and how grateful we are to call you family - Jay said and put a hand around my shoulders

\- Okey dude that was too mushy even for Adam - Kenny said and the whole room erupted in laughter while Adam punched the older detective in the arm.

\- The main reason to want you all together was that we wanted to share our happiness with you guys, you all know that a few months ago we adopted this little boy into our family, but what you didn't know was that the day after the adoption was finalized we found out something that we've been keeping a secret until today - Jay continued like nothing happened and grabbed a big box from the pile with presents from under the Christmas tree

\- See guys I'm pregnant - I said removing the baggy suit jacket I was wearing to show off my thirty-two and a half inches baby bump and the room was erupted in applause

\- Buth that is not the only secret we've been keeping - Jay said with a cheeky smile on his face and looked at me with those amazing emerald green eyes

\- There are two babies in here - I said pointing towards my belly and I saw tears in some of the girl's eyes, and although Hank knew about it I could see that his eyes were getting wet too

\- But we decided it wasn't fair to you guys for us to have all those secrets so we don't know what the genders of the babies are. But my sister in law does and the answer is hidden in this box - Jay said and put the box on the table in front of us then we each picked up one of our boys, Jay had JJ and I had JK and Jay cut the seal of the box.

\- So who wants to bet? - Adam said pulling his wallet from his pocket - I would say I was surprised when there were bets thrown in the air but I really wasn't. In the end, there were more votes for girls than boys and there was one or two for one of each I personally couldn't wait.

\- The betting is over it's time to see who wins - Jay announced and opened the box but from inside came out a big black balloon. I looked at Natalie with confusion and she smiled getting up and giving JJ and JK little pins

\- Go ahead boys pop it - she said and both kids started attacking the black latex orb and a moment later the popping noise was heard and red and blue confetti flew out of it. Jay and I looked at each other and wrapped our arms around the other tightly celebrating in our own way the news that we were expecting a boy and a girl.

A lot of applauses, cheers, congratulations and hugs were exchanged in the next few minutes and I couldn't explain with words how happy I was in this moment. After everybody calmed down from the excitement came the hard part, we stood up again and took a deep breath before we had to tell our coworkers what we were about to do

\- And the third reason we wanted you guys here was so we can tell you in person what we are about to say. Most of you know that I was shot a few weeks ago, luckily the bullet hit my vest but it made us overthink some stuff. Six years ago I chose my job over the woman I loved and I made a promise to myself that day, that if I ever get a second chance I would never make the same mistake. I got my second chance with the girl of my dreams and not only that I can call her my wife I can also call her mother of my kids. For her and our soon to be four kids I resigned my position as a detective in District 21, this is my last week carrying the badge from the beginning of the new year I would be a training instructor in the U.S Army Reserve's facility here in Chicago. - Jay said and I could see a lot of disappointment in the eyes of the rest of our team, and at the same time understanding. We all knew how dangerous our job could be and that every time you leave your house there is no guarantee that you're coming back and although it's the same with normal lives to it was better not to tempt the devil.

\- And as for me, I would be using my time off and focus on being there for my boys give them as much love and attention I could before those two pop out of me and then I'll focus on all four of them. Both of us will still be part of the team but as consultants and contact with CI's - I said with a smile on my face. It was a very difficult decision to leave this life but it was the right one.

After all, the announcements were made and all the congratulations and I'll miss yous we exchanged we proceeded with opening presents, more laughter and Christmas stories and around ten o'clock everybody had already left. JJ and JK were already asleep by the time we put them in the car and I had passed out by the time we made it home.

The next few weeks pass by pretty quick, beeing home with the boys, not worrying about work or about Jay was really refreshing feeling. I was looking at JJ and was wondering where did the time go, I could still remember him being a tiny, tiny baby and now he was reading and doing math not to mention that in August he was going to be in first grade. JK on other hand has learned to swim and I couldn't get him out of the water most of the times, not to mention his fascination with ice hockey for which Jay was extremely happy and proud. All three boys were already buying jerseys, hats, and jackets for them and for their unborn baby brother leaving no place for doubt that he would be hockey fan as well. And not just a hockey fan but a Chicago Black Hawks fan.

When I entered into the seventh month of my pregnancy Jay decided that it was good enough time to start getting the nursery ready for the arrival of the twins. We cleaned the room that was, between the master and boy's room then Jay took measurements and even draw down how things would go in, then we went shopping and luckily found exactly what we needed. Since we were having one of each we decided to go with white and gray furniture and blue, orange and green colors for the curtains, sheets, and other small details.

In the middle of March, was the time for baby showers but instead of having a bunch we decided that Nadia, Natalie and I will have our baby shower together. It was a crazy week or so in preparation for the day, we kicked the boys out of my house, but not before all of them helped to decorate and set up the kitchen island as an impromptu bar, with different drinks and snacks. Around noon all the guests had shown up and we were having a blast playing different games, telling different stories from our pregnancies, different experiences, and cravings and through what we've put our poor husbands or in Nadia's case fiance. At the end of the party, I had a huge pile of presents most of which were clothes and toys for the twins, some people like Olivia even had presents for JJ, JK, and Nathaniel so they don't feel ignored with all the fuss around the babies.

 **Chicago**

 **April 23rd, 2019**

It was the middle of the night in late April when I woke up with pain in my stomach, it was a familiar pain, the one that comes and goes every so often when it's time for the little monster inside you to come to the world.

\- Jay! - I said pushing the sleeping man next to me, he groaned but didn't wake up. The past few days he hadn't had a lot of sleep between work, taking care of the boys and my midnight cravings. I felt terrible but I knew it was going to be even worse soon enough

\- Halstead wake up! - I almost yelled cause a contraction ran through me the moment I said his name. Jay jumped and turned on his night light then looked at me in shock

\- Are you okay, what do you need? - he asked putting one of his hands on my face feeling the little drops of sweat there

\- I need you to get the boys in the car and take me to the hospital now! - I said and bit my lip, shutting my eyes close waiting for the next contraction to end. He jumped quickly out of bed and put some socks and a hoodie on, and ran towards the boy's room. I go

He jumped quickly out of bed and put some socks and a hoodie on, and ran towards the boy's room. slowly I got up, retied my hair in a high ponytail, didn't bother with putting sweatpants on, the shorts and t-shirt I was wearing were going to do. Got a hoodie on and grabbed the bag that was waiting next to the door of our room for this moment. I made it to the top of the stairs stopping few times when Jay met me there and helped me down and then in the car. He called Hank on the way to the hospital and then tried calling Will but he didn't pick up, so he called Maggie to make sure there was someone waiting for us.

About an hour in the hospital, I was still dealing with contractions and was waiting on the babies to decide that it was time for us to meet them. Hank and Olivia arrived about ten minutes after us and they were keeping the boys' company, although I'm sure they were back to sleep at this point. When I saw Liv walking into my room I was a bit surprised but then again she has been spending a lot of time in Chicago the past few months and that made me happy, I knew how much her job meant for her and to see her here so often only meant that Hank means a lot more.

Jay walked into the room with amused look on his face, he had gone to see what was going on with Will and why he wasn't picking his phone and see who was going to take care of me

\- What's up? - I asked looking at my husband with narrowed eyes

\- Everything is okay, Dr. Perry will be here in a bit and make sure everything is okay - he said taking his spot next to me and taking my hand in his giving it a little kiss, his other hand was on my cheek with his thumb moving back and forth

\- Who si Dr. Perry? Where is Will? - I asked getting irritated since Nat was pregnant I already knew she wouldn't be able to deliver the baby so it was Will's turn and now it would be some doctor that I've never heard before, I was supposed to relax not stress more

\- In the next room with Natalie - Jay said giggling to the point he had to cover his face, to compose himself I didn't see anything funny in the situation

\- What the hell are they doing there, tell them to get their asses here and help me - I said and my voice raises a bit partly because of the anger rising in me and partly because of the next contraction.

\- Ellie, they can't help you right now because they're about to have their baby too - he said and at first, my mind didn't realize what he said and was about to well for them to get in here but I was interrupted by another contraction and the unfamiliar older woman walked in and introduced herself. She took a look at me and then at the machines I was attached to and then smiled at us

\- Are you ready to meet your babies? - she asked with that elderly smile, the one that your nana would offer you snack or desert.

Few nurses had come in the room and unhooked me from the machines and started rolling me out of the room, and into a delivery room, oh deja vu.

\- Everything is going to be okay sweetheart just breathe - she said walking in a few moments later and took her place between my legs, Jay walked in dressed in green scrubs and took his place next to my head holding my head and hand at the same time

\- I'm right here, and you're doing great - he whispered in my ear, I squeezed his hand with the next contraction and here it began. This time there

This time there was no worry, no quiet suspense, just a few pushes later the room was filled with baby cries, Jay got up and cut the umbilical cord and I could see tears in his emerald green eyes

\- It's a boy, we have a son - he said running back to me and started leaving kisses all over my face. I didn't get the chance to see him, to hold him because a new contraction hit me and I had to push again. This time it took more than few pushes for the second baby to come to the world. The doctor actually needed to put her fingers in and help rotate the head a bit, and with more pushes, some pressing on my stomach and some pulling our daughter was born, about ten minutes after her brother.

\- Congratulation, you have two healthy and happy babies - the doctor said, and send Jay out of the room so they can fix me and we were going to see each other again when I was moved back to my room.

I'm not sure how long it took for everything to pass I guess at some point I had fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I was already in the room, the smell of flowers was filling the air, there were balloons everywhere and my family was gathered around something

\- Momma! - JJ said and came running to me giving me a big hug

\- Hey, beautiful - Jay said coming closer holding a small bundle in his arms

\- Momma, they are so small, like my dinosaur - JK said coming closer to the bed and reached his arms up to be picked up. JJ picked him up and put him in the foot of my bed, while my attention was once again focused on the small bundle in my husband's arms

\- Hey, buddy are you ready to meet your amazing mommy? - Jay whispered to the tiny baby in his arms and then very carefully he put him in my arms.

\- Hey... - I whispered looking at the small round face in my arms, the moment he heard my voice his tiny eyelids flickered open and a pair of emerald green eyes stared back at me. There was so denying it apparently all my kids had their father's eyes but I wouldn't complain, those are the eyes of the man that I loved, the man that gave me this incredible gift, not once but four times. A moment later Jay came back and sat on my other side with another bundle in his arms, this time the tiny face was way more elongated and more feminine and for my surprise, it was paired with a pair of hazel green eyes just like mine.

\- You did amazing job Ellie and I love you so much - Jay said looking into my eyes

\- We did an amazing job, and I love you too - I responded and our lips met in a kiss. Hank and Olivia came closer to the bed looking at us with smile on their faces, and Hank had tears in his

\- Do you have names yet? - Liv asked and Jay and I looked at each other for a moment

\- This little guy is Justin Dean - Jay said looking towards the baby boy in my arms with a look of adoration on his face

\- And this is Jocelyn Camille - I said caressing the cheek of my baby girl, then looked at Hank who was wiping his eyes with the back of his hand

\- Your mom and brother would have been thrilled - Hank said and Olivia gave him a hug trying to calm his emotions.

The door opened a few minutes later and another bed was rolled in with a brightly smiling Natalie, Will was walking behind her with a pink bundle in his own arms

\- Do you mind some company? - Nat asked and I laughed shaking my head no. Jay got up and met with his brother in the middle of the room both holding their little girls

\- And we no longer are their most important girls - Nat said jokingly, I knew exactly what she meant and I also knew that nighter of us had a problem with that.

\- Avery Rose meet your new best friend - Will said to the baby in his arms unable to take his eyes off of her. Hank took Justin from me and put him in Jay's arms, so he was holding both babies. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and took a picture of the Halstead brothers holding their newborn babies, with their older once in front of them it was a picture that made my heart overfill with joy and my eyes filled with tears, but they were happy teras.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N and here it is the final chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with me for this journey, for loving my story and for your kinds comments.**

 **I hope you enjoy this chapter and it gives you the fairytale ending you've hoped for.**

 **I don't own the Chicago franchise nor the characters**

* * *

 **EPILOGUE**

 **Wisconsin**

I opened my eyes slowly, taking in my surroundings, my eyes adjusted to the darkness, there was no light coming from the windows so I assumed it was still early. One look at the clock on my nightstand confirmed my suspicions it was just a bit before five in the morning. I turned around and was met by Jay's calm, freckled face, I can't stop myself and my fingers cares the lines around his eyes that show his age, just like his salt and peppered hair. He stirs slightly and nuzzles his head into my hand which brings the smile on my face. Evan after all these years sometimes I catch myself wondering what did I do to deserve this man, to have him as my husband, as my lifetime partner, as the father of my children. I stay still for a moment longer taking in his face, the lines decorating it, he was even more handsome now. I leaned in and kissed his forehead before pulling the covers off me and getting up heading towards the bathroom.

\- Ellie... - I hear him calling, his voice deep and gruff, heavy with sleep

\- It's okay baby go back to sleep - I whisper and he gives me a slight smile, before closing the bathroom door and turning the light on.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and smile, my face just like his is covered with thin aging lines, under my eyes, and on my forehead, my dark chocolate hair was long and wavy framing my face at the moment. I look at myself and realize that I hadn't change the way a look too much in the past years, but my life had for better. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and braided my hair before I got dressed in a comfortable cotton bottom and long sleeve shirt and left the bathroom and with one last glance at my sleeping husband, I headed to the kitchen.

By the time I got set up in the kitchen, it was five thirty, the whole house smelled like coffee and firewood and it brought a smile to my face, I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat at the counter grabbing the big cooking book that I was reading for the past few days. I grabbed a notepad and a pen and started writing down the recipes that I was planning to prepare so I don't have to go through the book over and over again. My Thanksgiving meal included ten dishes, well technically eleven since I was preparing two turkeys, but I figured that it would be plenty and everyone would bring something extra so I wasn't really worried about it.

Herb and Citrus Butter Roasted Turkey

Apple-Walnut Stuffing

Green Bean Casserole with Fried Shallots

Buttermilk-Boursin Mashed Potatoes

Roasted Acorn Squash with Maple-Bacon Drizzle

Fresh Herb Spoon Rolls

Rosemary-Port Cranberry Sauce

Rosemary-and-Bourbon Gravy

Pumpkin Pie with Oat-Pecan Crust

Mocha Cream Pie

In days like today, I was really glad that I had this huge kitchen with double oven, six oven tops and plenty of counter space. Another reason to love this house was the fact that it was big enough to fit my entire world. Although I still couldn't believe that Jay convinced me to move to Northern Wisconsin I can still remember our argument all those years ago back in the precinct about living in Northern Wisconsin, don't get me wrong I love his family cabin, the most amazing things in our life happened there like his marriage proposal, conceiving JJ and then the twins there. It was an amazing place but I couldn't see myself living here permanently. But here we are a little bit over twenty years after that argument we were both retired living in a fourteen thousand square feet, nine bedrooms, ten bathrooms house with enough open space on the first floor to accommodate all fifty people that are coming for Thanksgiving lunch.

I smiled thinking about how much life had changed in the past twenty years, I've been happily married for close to twenty-three years now, I have the most incredible husband a woman can ask for and together we have four amazing children. JJ graduated medical school a year ago and right after that he started his residency in Chicago Med, not only that but he is been married to a gorgeous redhead named Sophia for almost four years now and they have a two-year-old son named Henry after my dad, which made Jay and me grandparents and dad is a great grandfather now. JK was accepted in law school earlier this year and started classes a few months ago and he is engaged to Ester Ruzek - Adam and Kim's youngest daughter which wasn't a very big surprise considering that our kids grew up together and they are not the first to keep it in the "family". Unlike their older siblings, the twins choose a different path for themselves JD is in his second year in Juilliard studying music which was his passion since he was a baby and he is dating Mouse's daughter Zoe which made Jay and his old friend extremely happy. And as far as JC goes she is doing great with everything she does, just like her twin she choose a path of art and was accepted into Parsons School of Design with major in fashion design and is in her second year and a few months ago she started dating a young photographer named Finn something her father still has issues with. It's really difficult to explain to him that his baby girl isn't a baby anymore, that she is a young twenty-year-old woman. But try to explain that to an overprotective father, the first time Finn came to visit us I had to make sure there were never left alone between Jay and my father the poor boy was so petrified that he barely ate anything.

And mentioning my father, he married Olivia a Benson a year after the twins were born and they adopted a sweet ten-year-old boy named Noah a few months later. Today they still live in Chicago in dad's old house, except they did a renovation when Liv moved here so that she doesn't feel uncomfortable since dad shared the house with his late wife. Noah is in his thirties and just like our parents he is a detective in Precinct 21. To be honest, at first it was wired having him around, Justin was my brother, my big overprotective brother then he was gone and I was the only kid and then I was the older sibling it took me a little bit of time to adjust but now everything is good. Noah is a great guy and he found sweet and caring girl Isabell, with who he shares two beautiful girls, a five-year-old Halston and a two-year-old Harper.

\- Good morning beautiful - Jay whispered in my ear and I jump lightly, not hearing him come in

\- Are you trying to give me a heart attack Halstead? - I ask him swatting his chest with the back of my hand and he laughs

\- Where were you? - he asked filling his cup with coffee then comes back to my side and puts his arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. Even after all these years he still treats me like a queen, like we have just met, he still makes romantic gestures and tries to win me over every single day.

\- Just thinking about how much our life has changed - I say and go back to what I was doing.

After we quitted our job at the district Jay went to teaching and I stayed home with the kids for the first year, then started college classes and was able to get a degree in rehabilitation therapy and afterward I went back to where it all began at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago from where I retired a few years ago just before we moved to Northern Wisconsin. The life here was calm and peaceful, most of the time it's just Jay and me in the house, but the kids make sure to come every weekend to spend with us or at least for a Sunday lunch.

Around noon everything was ready, or almost ready, the pies were still in the oven but they won't be long before there done. So I got back into our room and took well-deserved shower, then got dressed and went back downstairs just in time to hear the front door open

\- Happy Thanksgiving - I heard my dad's raspy voice and a smile spread across my lips while I go down the stairs

\- Happy Thanksgiving - Jay responds and takes their coats and exchanges hugs with my parents

\- Hi, daddy - I say and go in for a hug. No matter how old I'm nor what happens in life I will always need my dad's hug. It is difficult and different leaving so far away from each other when we've been ten minutes away for twenty years.

\- That's what I'm talking about - he sais and hugs me tight to him, then kisses my head and releases me, I turn to hug Liv and then we go to the kitchen while the guys find the game on the tv.

\- Everything looks amazing - she says when she sees the different dishes on the kitchen island andIi smile

\- Thanks, mom, how are you? - I ask and check on the pies before grabbing a big box of decoration and head towards the tables that are set up in few places and we start to decorate them while we talk about married life, kids, grandkids and what are our plans for the upcoming holidays. Oliva and I had gotten close right away so it wasn't surprising that we got extra close once she married Hank, it was nice once again to have a mother in my life, I haven't seen Bunny since she showed up the day of my wedding with Kelly, the last I heard was that she passed away a few years back but to be honest even though it sounds awful I didn't feel anything when Teddy had contacted me to let me know. And speaking of my half brother he was good, he had inherited every single penny his dad had and he married some spoiled rich girl so he was leaving his life back in Amsterdam. We tried to reconnect but truth to be told we were too different, the fact that he grew under bunnies wing had made him spoiled rotten and after a month or so I just gave up on trying.

Not long after my parents, Noah did with his family, followed by JJ with my daughter in law and my handsome grandkid. Slowly people started to show up and just like I expected every one of them was bringing something for the table. Soon the house was full, kids were running around, the guys were in the entertainment room watching football and drinking beer while us girls were making sure we had enough chairs for everybody and also doing some last minute decoration and organizing the tables and the setting up the kitchen island as a buffet table setting up the bar that was in the living room making sure there were enough ice and nonalcoholic drinks since there was a lot of underage people in the house.

Around two o'clock all of the guests had arrived and we were seated at the tables. Jay stood up to make a toast and everybody went quiet

\- I want to start by saying that I'm grateful that all of you were able to come and join us today. The thing I'm most grateful for, and will always thank fate for is you, Ellie, thank you for choosing me, thank you for beeing by my side, thank you for helping me create this amazing family, thank you for loving me like no one ever has. I love you. I'm also grateful for the honor of being your father and being able to see you grow up and graduate college and create your own families. And I'm thankful for all our you, for being part of our lives - Jay says and then toast in the air before taking a sip of his beer.

\- I love you too - I say giving him a kiss when he seats back down and there is a few "ew" in the air coming from our kids which just makes us kiss again and for longer.

I look around the table while every one of them tells what they are thankful for, my parent, my brother Noah, Will and Natalie, their son Nate and his fiance Addison, Avery Rose and her boyfriend Luke and her younger brother Patrick and his girlfriend Hope. Matt and Gabby and their son Louie who happens to be dating Kelly's daughter Leslie, Chloe Grace and her boyfriend Ethan. Antonio and Silvie, followed by their daughter Eva and her husband Maks, while their kids Mateo and Aleks are watching from the kid's table, Diego and his wife Luciana and their baby girl Marina followed by Noelle and her boyfriend Myles. Kelly and hs wife Anna. Mouse and his wife Nadia and their daughter Zoe. Adam and Kim and their daughter Vanessa with her husband Caleb and their daughter Lory, Ester followed by her brother Jordan and his wife Michelle and their son Kevin. I can't spot the pull of my heart when I look at Michelle who's dad Alvin Olinski was my dad's best friend and who died in a fire with his wife Meredith and their other daughter Lexi. I can't forget to thank for the time we had with the fallen once - Kevin Attwater, April Sexton, Kenny Rixton, my mom Camille and my brother Justin.

\- Let's eat - I state when everyone is done with their speeches and hand one set of knives to my dad as he is the oldest one in the house to start with one of the turkeys and give the other one to Jay since he is the head of the house. After the turkey is cut people strat talking and plates strat being passed from one person to the other until everybody has from everything they want on their plate. The next few hours are spent in a heartful conversations, laughter and joy, when we're stuffed we go out and play some games, the kids run around and play with the fresh snow that had started falling few hours prior.

Jay and I stay at the end of the back porch watching the snowball fight with smiles on our faces when we turned to face each other. I look into his gorgeous emerald green eyes and loose myself there just like that first time I saw him all tose years ago

\- I love you. I'm in love with you. It's nice after all this time. - I say and wrapping my arms around his middle, the song coming from the audio system changed into a very familiar song and I couldn't help but smile

\- It's everything after all this time. - Jay replays and leans in giving me a long passionate kiss, while "Please forgive me" by Bryan Adams floats from the speakers.


End file.
